All the things we said
by WickedLucy
Summary: In moments like this you don’t care about what’s best for you. You do whatever it takes to keep that person around. Cause you still hope that maybe one day they’ll look at you differently, and you’ll get everything you’ve always wanted. Breyton.
1. Prologue

AN: This is my first attempt at writing a slashy story. Even so, it's not explicit, at least in the beginning, it's actually really subtle, and I prefer that things happen with time. I don't have much written, so maybe this prologue will work more as a oneshot for a while, till I have more of it figured out. If the response is good, I'll be more than happy to write more chapters.

If you don't like femlash, or don't feel comfortable reading, then don't! I tried to make the whole thing as real and faithful to the show as possible, seeing as Brooke and Peyton are probably the only possible gay couple that would be totally believable. Plus, I can relate!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own One Tree Hill, or the characters, or the lines in italic, cause I took them from episodes from seasons 3 and 4.

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****Prologue**

_I didn't go see Pete. I went to see Jake._

That was the moment I realized something had changed for me. Kind of like I'd told Lucas last year: _How many moments in your life you can point out and say: that's when it all changed_?

Peyton and I have been best friends since we were 8. Everyone knows that. All the teachers, everyone in school, even my parents know that. When Lucas and I started dating, I made it clear from the start: my best friend was never, ever gonna feel like a third wheel. Little did I know _I_ was gonna be the third wheel. What hurt the most when I saw them together wasn't Lucas' betrayal. It was Peyton's. I won't be a hypocrite and say he didn't hurt me. I was falling for him, at least it seemed like it. I'd never had any experience with love. Real love. So, the way I cared about him, the way I felt when we were together... I could only assume that's what it was all about. I was finally letting my guard down around a guy. For the first time, I cared enough to do that. But it's not like I wouldn't get over it, eventually. It was so much harder with her, though. She knows me better than any other person in the world. She knew, better than anyone else could, how much I try to protect my heart, by never showing it to people. Lucas was getting small glimpses of it. But Peyton had it in her hands. She always did. And she always kept it safe. She was the only person I trusted completely. That's what killed me. I wasn't as mad at her as I made it look like. At Lucas, yeah, I was pissed, but not at her. I was too disappointed to be mad. But what made me really angry was the fact that I couldn't hate her, no matter how much I tried. I just had to pretend like I did, in order to protect my heart again. But she wouldn't go away, and I'm so thankful for that. She finally convinced me she wouldn't lie again, and I convinced myself I wouldn't get hurt. I'd tell myself anything to have my best friend back.

I got back together with Lucas, and my life was perfect. I had a boyfriend I truly loved, and I had the best friend I could've asked for. Everything was fixed, everything was alright again. Too good to be true.

_I went to see Jake. _My stomach turned when I heard the words. But I honestly didn't know why. That was a good thing for her, right? I should be happy for her. But she didn't look much happy herself. I smiled and tried to suppress the sudden fear that came over me. I was always pretty good at this, anyway. If things worked out between her and Jake, she'd probably move to Savannah. That's way too far. Maybe that was the reason I suddenly felt that way. I kinda felt the same thing when I went to California for the summer. But it wasn't that intense, then. Probably cause this time it'd be for good. So you're probably wondering how someone can be this selfish as to be sad when their best friend tells you she just saw the love of her life again, after being miserable for so long, missing him. Thing is, if Jake would always be there for her, why would she need me around for? Well, I wouldn't even be around, living in a different city. Alright, I'm going crazy. It's not like they're getting married or anything.

_Lucas is back today. Are you excited to see him?_

I didn't lie to her. I missed him, sure. But I wasn't as dependent on him anymore. I was learning to be ok by myself. And I don't mean being alone. Just... being by myself sometimes.

She was too weird since she came back from Savannah. I knew it in my guts, that she had something to say, and it wouldn't be good. But I chose to ignore it, hoping maybe it'd go away and the day would end without any drama. I kept thinking of a reason for her to be like that. Maybe she actually was moving in with him, leaving Tree Hill for good. Maybe they did it and she thought she was pregnant. Oh, yeah, they do it, and two days later she knows. Way to go, Brooke. You're definitely losing it.

_I think I still have feelings for Lucas._

Yup, that should do it. Again, I should be mad. She just told me she has feelings for my boyfriend. But I only feel that fear, coming back stronger than ever. I sleep in my car so that I don't have to face her. I yell, I scream, so that I don't have to face what I feel. Cause I don't like it, even though I don't know what it is. Slap. I look into her eyes, and it nearly kills me. She wants Lucas? She can have him, as long as I don't have to see any of them, ever again. I'm sick of being afraid to lose them. So I may as well just get used to the fact that I already did.

_As far as I'm concerned, this friendship is over. And if we never speak again for the rest of our lives, that will be fine._

I suddenly hear myself saying the words out loud, almost like I said last year. I lied before. I'm lying again. Only last year she didn't buy it. This time, she did.

They looked happy. I hadn't talked to any of them in so long, and they walked around, smiling and giggling. They were happy, and the fact that I wasn't a part of their lives anymore didn't seem to get in the way of that. I stopped picking up fights when I realized she'd gotten to a point when she would just brush me off. She didn't even care enough to fight back. I thought she'd given up, but she hadn't. She wouldn't fight, but she'd try to talk to me from time to time. I just ignored it.

Then something happened. Derek, or, as I found out later, Ian. I swear, when I heard about the attack I almost passed out. But I still couldn't bring myself to say anything. When I thought of talking to her, Lucas would be there, too. And it brought it all back, reminding me of the reason I was keeping distant in the first place. I had to protect my heart this time, and, whatever I had to do in order to achieve that, I would. I kept telling myself that, even though it hurt like hell to be away, it'd be even worse if I let her back in and she hurt me again. That was a small comfort, but it kept me from getting too close. She didn't need me when Ian attacked her. She didn't need me, cause her beloved Lucas was there.

But then, all of a sudden, he wasn't. When the possibility of losing him became too real, they were already together. Haley was hurt, too, so Nathan had a lot on his mind. Karen was worried sick about her son. There was no one there for Peyton, this time. And I couldn't stand to leave her alone in a situation like that.

She was in that same spot. Only I could've found her there, cause no one else knew about that place. She asked me if we could be friends again. I said yes.

_Like before?_

Those two simple words had a meaning and an impact on me that she'd probably never understand. No, things could never be like before. But not because I didn't want to. God, I wanted to explain, but I couldn't even explain it to myself. Like before... when I'd run to her place, cause I couldn't stand my parents fighting anymore; when her dad would take us to dinner on my birthday, cause my parents weren't even home to celebrate it with me; when she'd go to my place after he mom died, and cry herself to sleep. And I'd be right beside her. It was always normal with us... that we cared so much about each other, that I'd get mad when she went out with Nathan, that she'd miss me when I went out with Felix. It was normal that I was so scared of not having her in my life anymore. Of course it was normal. Since we were kids, she's been the one constant thing in my life. When everyone went away, she was still there. Always. At least till Lucas came along. Lucas was just like her. I guess that's why I cared so much about him, why I liked him that much, so fast. But, with time, it was like he took my place in her life. Of course I was pissed. Anyone who was suddenly losing their best friend would've felt the exact same thing. Right?

_I'm sorry, Peyton, I don't think so. Like before is gone._

She probably thinks I can't forgive her. She has no idea that being the one who was saying these words hurt so much more than being the one who was hearing them. As they came out of my mouth, it was like the truth finally hit me. Like before was gone. And it wasn't coming back.

Even when I thought it was, the past came back to bite me in the ass. That night with Nathan meant nothing. He was a jerk, I was pissed, cause she'd been ditching me all week to go out with him. Or to fight with him. I wasn't even thinking. They were broken up, so there was nothing wrong, really. I just wanted to hook up with a guy. That was my drug, to make me forget everything. Too bad we forgot to destroy the tape. And then she hated me. And I had screwed things up again. Sure, we weren't best friends anymore, we didn't even hang out anymore, but at least we were talking. Punch in the face. That oughta do it. The silent war suddenly wasn't so silent anymore. At least now she knew what it was like. Betrayal. It should be a relief that she was finally feeling at least a bit of what I felt during all this time. Usually, it would be. With anyone else, it would be. Not with Peyton. When we fought, I didn't wanna hurt her. I just wanted to get the hell away from there. Maybe if I could stop being selfish and just walked away, things would be better for the both of us. I had to learn not to miss her. Apparently, she'd already done that, a long time ago.

_Brooke, this has been one of the worst years in my life. And I needed my best friend more than ever._

I know she kept talking, but I barely heard anything else after that. She needed me? What the hell did she mean by that? The year she finally got Lucas, and it was still one of the worst years of her life? She needed me more than ever. And I wasn't there. He was always there, hovering around her to help her with anything she needed. But they can be alike, they can like and think the same things, he still doesn't know her like I do. No one does. He probably didn't know that even though she tried to isolate herself at first, she needed someone there. She wanted someone to not listen and just stay with her. He didn't know the look in her eyes that meant she actually needed some time alone after a while, which meant it was time to give her some space. He didn't know that calling a complete stranger, even if it was the brother she never met, would never have the same effect as surrounding her with her friends, maybe even calling her dad. I'm not saying he didn't help, I'm just saying I would've changed some things. It's just like Rachel tried to do on my birthday. She had the best intentions, but she simply doesn't know me. Peyton would've done it differently, Peyton would've done it better.

_My mom's dead. And as far as I'm concerned, so are you._

I couldn't think of what to say. I wanted to say everything and nothing at the same time. But she soon closed the door, not giving me a choice. When I thought of her, feeling all I felt, I never stopped to think of what would be like for me to be on the other side. To hear what she heard from me when I said I didn't care anymore. It was worse than fighting. It was too final.

When I got the dress back and saw what she wrote in it, and smiled, Mouth thought I was crazy. But it's not that hard to understand, really. It meant she hadn't let go, yet. She still cared enough, even if it was to fight. I wasn't the only one who still cared. I had to talk to her, had to find a way to get through to her, to say I was sorry and hopefully hear an apology, too. I had to tell my best friend that, between her and Lucas, she'd always come first. Between her and the world, she'd come first. I still didn't quite understand what it meant, but it didn't matter. She needed to know.

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_Should I continue? Please let me know what you think._


	2. Like Before

_Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm glad you liked the prologue, and here's the next chapter. The whole Derek thing is a little rushed, but since it's pretty much the same as it happened on the show, I didn't think it was worth detailing it too much._**

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**Chapter 1 – Like Before**

I was in front of her door, fidgeting my fingers, nervous. I got early at prom and stayed long enough to see the word 'whore' written on my dress. Lucas hadn't showed up yet, and I really hoped he wouldn't be at her place already. It was early, both of them were probably getting ready in their own houses. It was weird to ring the bell in this house. I was so used at just getting inside and going straight to her room. I couldn't exactly do that anymore. I heard her muffled voice as she probably climbed down the stairs.

"Luke... you're here already? I thought..." and then she opened the door and her bright smile was replaced with a fake one. "May I help you?"

It hurt. It hurt a lot that she could look at me as if she'd never seen me before, and I was just a stranger.

"Peyton..."

"What? You're not here because of your damn dress, are you? Cause I'm sure you mommy and daddy can buy you a new one next time you see them. Oops, I forgot, not even they wanna see you anymore."

Worst thing about fighting with someone who knows you that well is that they know just what to say to hurt you for real. But I couldn't blame her. I did the same thing when I made jokes about her mom. I so deserved this.

"It's not about the dress. Can we talk?"

"We're all talked out, Brooke. What part of the 'you're dead to me' you didn't understand? We're done, isn't that what you wanted?"

"We're not done. We can't be done. You wouldn't have wasted your time writing that on my dress if you really thought I was dead to you."

She didn't say anything, and avoided eye contact.

"You don't have the right to come here now and say you wanna talk, after you've been ignoring me for the past months. MONTHS, Brooke. So just go, ok? I gotta finish getting ready."

I sensed a bit of the ice on her voice melting, and thought it was my chance.

"I'll go soon, just hear me out."

She sighed and faced me with a bored look. And I lost my nerve. How could we talk if she wouldn't really listen? What I had to say was too important to be said like that.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"You know what, Peyton? It's not like you're perfect, and you know it. Since you saw that tape, you didn't feel anything different than what I felt when I found out about you and Lucas. And don't you dare to say that it was different because you and Lucas didn't have sex. That was ONE time, and it meant nothing. What you and Lucas had going on behind my back, there were feelings, and you knew I was falling for him. We weren't broken up and, unlike you and Nathan, I was happy with Lucas. I'm not saying what I did was right, I know it wasn't, and I'm so sorry for that. But you know it, you know that, if I'd told you back then, you could be mad at me, you could yell, and maybe even punch me like you did this time, but you wouldn't give a damn about your relationship, cause you know Nathan was like that all the time, you didn't even care about each other. Yeah, it was wrong. But you have no right to throw all of that on me as if you hadn't done anything wrong, ever. You think this hurts? Finding out about the boyfriend you hated with the best friend who used to be a whore, in a drunken one night stand? Try finding out about the guy you were starting to love, with the best friend you already loved, having a connection, making plans behind your back! You may think what you felt was bad, but you have no idea, Peyton. No fucking idea!"

I turned around at that point, cause I couldn't control my tears anymore, and I didn't want her to see that. I didn't want to accuse her all over again, I just wanted to put all of this behind. But I don't think that would've been possible if I hadn't let it all out.

"You really loved him, didn't you? I had no idea, back then, that we'd hurt you this bad", to my surprise, her voice was soft and even caring, "Do you still love him?"

"You really don't get it, do you?" I let out an incredulous laugh, "God, Peyton", I stopped talking before I let anything else slip. She could hear the desperation in my voice, and she probably knew the tears were coming freely now, even if I had my back turned to her.

"Come in."

I turned back to look at her, and she simply turned her head in the door's direction. She didn't smile, her expression was hard to read. I don't know why I followed her inside, at that point I wasn't so sure of what to say anymore, or even if I wanted to. I mean, it was our prom, she needed to get ready, her boyfriend was gonna come and pick her up, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be there for that. She didn't go to her room. I took it as a sign that I wasn't welcome there anymore. Instead, she sat on the couch and waited for me to do the same. But I just wandered around, in front of her.

"So? You wanted to talk, I'm waiting, what don't I get?"

"What you don't get", I stopped and faced her, and then lost the courage again, "Never mind, I'll just leave you alone. Enjoy your prom."

I was about to open the front door to get out, when she grabbed my wrist and made me turn around. "No, now you're gonna tell me. You said a bunch of things about how different things were, I said you really loved Lucas, I had no idea you did, and you said I don't get it", her voice started to get stronger and stronger. "Well, I wanna get it, Brooke. Just so that we can get over this thing and each go our own way. So tell me, damn it, tell me so that I can understand", she was already yelling by the time I interrupted her.

I yelled back, before she finished, "You don't get it... cause it was never about Lucas", I couldn't believe I was saying that, but I had to. If I didn't say it now, I never would. So I whispered the last part, part of me hoping she wouldn't hear, "It was always about _you._"

We both stared at each other, and no matter how well I knew her, this time, probably for the first time ever, I had no idea what was going through her mind.

"Please... tell me I didn't just hear..." her quiet voice was replaced by the sound of the bell ringing. "That's Lucas."

I nodded, quietly, and a single tear escaped my eye as I did. "Have fun at the prom."

When I walked away, I thought she was gonna say something. I wanted her to call me back, or at least tell me to wait, that we'd talk again another day. But she didn't. I walked to the kitchen, to get out through the back door, not to bother the perfect couple. I heard her opening the door and took one last look. I don't know why, but I did. And then I realized that it wasn't Lucas who was there. He hit her so hard she passed out. The psycho was there. She needed me again, and this time I wasn't gonna let her down.

I had to keep myself from screaming as I watched him drag her to the basement. But I'd be useless if he found out I was there and knocked me out, too. So I waited, with my heart pounding uncontrollably on my chest. I heard the door closing and grabbed the phone to dial 911. They were coming. In less than 10 minutes, they'd be there. But god knows what he could do in 10 minutes. I had to make sure she'd be safe. When I walked down the basement, he was distracted. She was tied to a chair and could barely move. She just mouthed for me to get out of there. I motioned to tell the police was coming. He turned around so suddenly I could never have anticipated. I tried to fight him, but there was no way I could beat him. The guy was twice my size.

"She hurt you so much, Peyton. Let me prove my love to you", he slapped me so hard in the face, I screamed in pain as Peyton cried. "Let me take care of this problem for you. She wouldn't even look at you a week ago. Remember how much you suffered because of her?"

I couldn't bring myself to reply to that, cause it was all true. He was absolutely right. I just didn't know how to defend myself against his words.

"I don't want her to die. Please, Derek, if you love me like you say you do, don't hurt her again, ok?"

"No, Peyton. She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve you to defend her after everything she did."

The doorbell rang and we heard Lucas' voice calling her. Her mouth wasn't gagged, so she threatened to scream. But as soon as she did, the psycho bastard grabbed my hair and pointed a knife to my throat. It was no use trying to get away now, he'd kill me for sure. I just had to wait 5 more minutes and the police would be there. But I had a feeling he wouldn't wait that long.

"You're free to call for him, Peyton. Yell all you want. Only Brooke here won't be able to help you with it when her throat is slit."

"Derek… leave her alone. I'll go with you, ok? I'll do anything, we'll be together. Just… take that knife from her neck", she pleaded in a whisper, she cried, as he smiled. When we heard Lucas' car driving away, I cursed him in my head. God, he didn't know her at all. I never would've gone away like that without at least talking to her and actually hearing her say she didn't wanna go. Things like that happened a lot, when she was moody or sad and locked in her room. I'd find a way to get into the house, which was never too hard, and try to convince her to go out. I didn't push her if she didn't want to go. If she wanted to stay in her room, I'd stay too, and we'd talk or gossip about something or simply listen to her weird depressing music. But at least she wouldn't be alone. Lucas seemed like an idiot to me for not even trying. Ian punched me on the face. I think I was out for a few minutes. When I opened my eyes again, I could only hear her crying upstairs. It wasn't easy to get to her room, too many stairs to climb, and I could barely stand. He was on top of her when I got in with a lamp on my hands. It was the only thing I could find. I hit him in the head, he got away from her and his attention turned to me. And then we heard the police. The rest of it happened so fast I can barely remember it now. They got him, I grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the room as the cops immobilized him. She was shaking, and I was too scared to ask if he'd had any time to do something to her. When they passed by us, he grinned at our direction and she cringed. I put my hand in front of her eyes, trying to shield her from having to look at him. Then she turned her head away herself.

They gave us blankets, I took one and wrapped around her, then took one for me. It was only then that I realized I was shaking, too. I held her, and she let me. It felt right, to have her back in my arms, to be protecting her, the same way I'd always done, since we were kids. She was resting her head on my shoulder, outside the house. I brushed some of her hair from her face and she looked at me. I took it as a chance to ask. I had to know, cause if he'd done something, I was gonna kill him before the police put him inside the car.

"Hey… he didn't… he didn't have time to…", I couldn't say the words out loud, couldn't even conceive that thought.

But she shook her head and smiled weakly at me. "You got there in time. You saved me". I breathed, relieved. She was safe, she would be fine. "Brooke… about what you said before…"

"It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have said anything". My heart was beating so fast, and I avoided eye contact. I wasn't ready to face this.

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna hurt you anymore, I never meant to, really. Brooke, can we… can we still be friends?"

"I want that more than anything". She smiled, but I didn't. There was a lump in my throat. The words I knew I had to say, but I didn't think I'd ever have the courage to. The words that would mean she was out of my life, for good. It was hard, too hard, to be around her, knowing she was with Lucas. For more than one reason, actually. But I wasn't ready to lose her again. So I swallowed hard and, with it, the words were never spoken. If she wanted us to be friends again, I could only hope _like before_ was still possible, somehow. "So… friends again?"

"How about best friends?"

"That sounds even better", she rested her head on my shoulder again, and that was the end of the conversation. At least for the time being. We were both drained, just sitting there seemed tiring enough. But I had to ask one more thing. "So… where do we go from here?"

"Well, I'd say we go to sleep, but I can't go back to my room, now."

"I didn't mean…"

"I know", she interrupted me, and I knew from her look not to go any further for now.

"Rachel's not home. She's not graduating, so she went to see her parents, stay with them for a while. So if you wanna go…". She kept looking at me, as if trying to read my thoughts. And of course, she could. So she knew I wasn't gonna say anything else today, she wouldn't have to worry about anything. But I thought I'd make sure, so I added, "You can sleep in her bed."

She nodded. I didn't think she would. I was half expecting her to say it was fine, we'd sleep on the same bed, like always. _Like before._ But I was right when I said it was gone. Something too serious had changed, and it changed everything. And, I was guessing, even more for her than for me. I wanted her in my life. She wanted us to be friends, so friends it was. But friends didn't mind sleeping in the same bed. Friends found that normal. It was no big deal before. Apparently, it was for her, now.

We went to Rachel's house. She kept looking at her cell phone all the time, hoping that Lucas would call. But he never did. She wouldn't call him, too, I honestly don't know why. I hated to be this selfish, but I was glad she didn't. I just wanted my friend back for a while.

Words were barely spoken in the car, and even when we got inside the house, we didn't talk. She changed in the bathroom, so I did the same, right after she got out. She was curled up in bed when I lied down in mine. I turned my back to the other bed and tried to rest my eyes. I heard her, and could almost see her tossing and turning. There was nothing I could do, though. At least nothing I should do, and it killed me. A few silent tears fell through my face, and I tried to sleep. And then she moved again. When I turned around, she was facing me.

"Brooke?"

Simply from hearing her voice, I could tell she was crying, too. "What?"

"You remember when we were kids, and my dad wasn't home, and we rented all those horror movies he would never let us watch?"

"Yeah", I smiled at the memory, "You were so scared with Freddy Krueger that you said you wouldn't sleep ever again."

"And you said you'd visit me in my dream to make sure he wouldn't get in there."

"Yeah…"

Damn it, I didn't remember that till she said it. But I did say that, and then she rested her head right next to me and slept well all night. Not even one nightmare.

"I'm scared again".

"Don't worry. He's locked up, and he's not Freddy Krueger, so you're safe if you fall asleep", I smiled, and she did the same.

"Can you… can you make sure he doesn't get in my head, too? Just in case?"

She was scared, and I couldn't blame her. I was afraid, too. She didn't have her mom around for too long, and I never really had mine, so when we had nightmares, or when we were simply scared, we'd call each other. Actually, most of the time she was at my place or I was at hers, so we'd wake the other one up and keep as close as possible, as safe as possible. She sounded like that kid again, now. None of it mattered at that moment. Not what I felt or what I'd said. What mattered was the girl standing in front of me. The girl I loved the most. I hesitated a little before getting up and sitting in front of her, on the bed.

"He's not getting near you again, ok? I promise". I moved a stray curl from her face when, to my surprise, she shifted away, making room for me to lie down. I did, slowly, and held her hand, like we always did. "You can stop worrying now"

She nodded. "Thanks, for being here."

"Thanks for letting me be here". I said, truthfully. It was comfortable, she calmed down, cause she soon fell asleep. But most of all, it was normal. For the first time in a long time, we were us again. P. Sawyer and B. Davis. Always there for each other. No matter what got in the way.

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_The drama starts on the next chapter! ;) Call this one the calm before the storm, if you will! I like some building up, so I didn't think it'd be real or too interesting if things just happened out of the blue and all of a sudden Peyton forgot her feelings for Lucas, and if Brooke acted as if she never loved him, either. I believe in taking things slow in a story. Hopefully you'll like it, too. But if you don't, well, let me know anyway! So... review!_


	3. When it Comes to Her

_Once again, big thanks for those of you who reviewed so far. I'm loving writing this story, and I hope you're enjoying it, also. Things start to get a bit more complicated on this chapter. I can't help it, I like the build up! That's probably it for what I have to say here. And remember, I love reviews!_

**Chapter 2 – When it comes to her**

She wasn't there when I woke up. But I heard her voice downstairs, along with Lucas'. My stomach turned, and I didn't know if it was because Lucas was there with her, or because he wasn't there for me. Too complicated to understand, even more complicated to explain. Truth was I still cared about him, and maybe I'd always feel something for him. They were, for sure, the two people I loved the most, and having them together meant I was left behind. It meant they meant more to each other than I meant for either of them. It wasn't fair, but I wanted everything. Of course, I couldn't have it, I'd have to learn to deal with it. So I put on a smile and went downstairs.

"Brooke, hey", it felt good to hear his voice calling my name, and I could feel his concern when he did, "Peyton was just telling me about last night, I had no idea. I'm glad you two are fine."

"Yeah, not thanks to you", I mumbled to myself. Peyton heard it. He didn't. I still hadn't gotten over the fact that he just went away the night before. He just left her, left us there. Peyton elbowed me and the smile reappeared on my face, "I mean, yeah, at least everyone's safe now, and we're both fine". I turned to her and smiled, she smiled back. But he didn't. He looked guilty as hell. And it's not like he wasn't.

"I'm so sorry, I should've checked, I should've known", he turned back to her, cupping her face with his hands.

"Come on, Luke, there's no way you could know."

Of course he should know! He should know she wouldn't miss her prom cause of the stupid tape, he should know she would at least talk to him instead of simply not answering the doorbell. I mean, if it was me ringing it, it was only expected that she wouldn't answer, but it was Lucas! The guy she loved, her boyfriend, who hadn't done anything wrong! She could've yelled, and cried, and put on her angry music, but not showing up at her own prom? Good job, Lucas, you claim you know her so well, and you get her, and you couldn't even figure that out. Sometimes it seems he knew _me_ way better than he knows her.

"Still… I'm sorry."

She held his hands and gave him a light kiss on the lips. I had to look away.

"So… should we go?" he took her hand and pointed his head to the door.

"Yeah, just… I just have to talk to Brooke for a sec, ok?"

To his nod, she turned and faced me. I simply turned my head to the kitchen and we went there. I didn't want her to go away. Not only cause I was scared to death, but also cause I'd simply miss her too much. Just like I had been, over this time we hadn't talked.

"So… you're gonna be ok?"

No, I wasn't gonna be ok! How could I be? The tears were already coming when I nodded, trying to hide them. "Sure."

"Brooke, I…" she got closer to me, too close, and touched my arm. I flinched and she retreated. "I don't want you to be here alone. You want me to call Haley, or maybe we can drop you off…?"

"No thanks, I'm fine", my voice was emotionless. She knew I wanted her to stay, and yet she couldn't ditch her boyfriend for one day in order to do that. Not even after _I saved her freaking life!_ That's what I wanted to tell her. But all I said was _I'm fine._

"So…" with her hands in her pockets, she faced me once again, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

She was unsure when she asked the question. I finally managed to lift my face up and fake a smile, nodding. She nodded quietly, too, and left. Just like that. Lucas hugged me, but she didn't. And they went away.

She looked into my eyes, she knew how I felt, she could see the pain there, and she walked away. I couldn't really blame her, I'd be freaked out, too, if things were the other way around. But it felt like she didn't know how to act around me anymore, maybe she was even afraid to get too close. I mean, not even a hug. Not even when she saw the tears in my eyes. The tears only she was allowed to see. Cause no one else could see me vulnerable. No one but the two people who had just walked out the door.

I did see her the next day. But only cause I went to Karen's to meet Haley and she was there, along with Lucas and Nathan. The four of them were laughing and having fun. She was healing. At least one of us was. When I walked in, things tensed up. It was so obvious that something had happened, and yet no one dared to ask or try to see. Haley was the first one to acknowledge me there. She took off her apron, revealing her very pregnant belly, and gave me a harm hug. I hugged her back so tightly she probably thought I was dying.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she definitely had a motherly tone already when she pulled away and looked right into my eyes.

"I'm still a little freaked, that's all."

But she didn't buy it.

"You slept alone in that house yesterday? You should've called, could've stayed in our place."

"You guys have a lot going on, and the baby's coming, I didn't wanna bother you with it."

"Brooke, this isn't like you had a nightmare and were afraid. It's serious, and you shouldn't be alone."

We heard laughing coming from the table. From Lucas, while he had his arm around Peyton's shoulders and she leaned her head on him, resting it comfortably. Suddenly the place felt too crowded, and I wanted nothing more than to just get out of there.

"Trust me, that wasn't my first option". I didn't say it loud, at least not loud enough for her to understand the words. She probably just heard me mumbling. I'd been doing that a lot lately. I didn't stop looking at the two of them.

"I know it's not easy, Brooke, to see them together. Especially after everything that's happened."

There it came again. Everyone thought it was about Lucas. Little did they know they were only half right. I really wished things were that simple.

"And your best friend's too busy going to him to be around you, and Lucas probably thinks she takes priority. So they have each other, and you're left alone."

Accurate. Scary accurate, this time. Cause she got it better than most of them do. She probably didn't know everything, she didn't know exactly how I felt, but she sure understood that it wasn't all about Lucas. That it was about them having each other to rely on. But it wasn't easy to admit this. Not even to Haley.

"I'm fine, Haley, really. I mean, they're happy, they deserve it."

"You still need to work on that speech, cause if it's not convincing me, it's never gonna convince them", she smiled, putting her hand on my shoulder, "Come on, you wanna join us?"

One more look at them and the answer was screaming in my ears. NO! I didn't want to. They were so busy being the perfect couple that they didn't even notice I was there yet. Nathan had seen me and given me a nod, calling me to their table. I really, really didn't want to go.

"You know what? I'm just gonna go home, ok?"

I turned around so fast she barely had time to reply. I didn't look back, but I soon found myself being pulled by Nathan, Haley following him outside. I looked back to the table. Peyton was looking. She had a sad smile on her face. I understood it. She had a lot on her mind, probably even more than me. I knew why she was keeping her distance. Didn't mean I liked it, or that I thought she was doing the right thing, cause damn it, I needed her right now. But I understood.

"Hey, Davis. Peyton was telling about what happened with the psycho guy. And it's not good for you to be alone. Actually, we're not gonna let you be alone, ok? So you're coming to our place, at least for a few days."

"Nathan, I really appreciate this, but I don't think…"

"This is not a negotiation", his voice left no room for discussion, but was caring and sweet at the same time. He hugged me. Something that's not very common when it comes to me and Nathan Scott. "And that's not just because Haley threatened to kick me out of the apartment if I didn't agree. I worry, too, and I don't want anything else to happen to you", he whispered the last words so that only I heard them.

I couldn't help smiling at him. Nathan can be a sweetie when he wants to. And he was right. They all were. I really didn't wanna be alone. Thing is, I wanted to be with Peyton. Because she was the person I used to run to, and as much as I loved those two, I could never talk to them the way I talked to her, and I could never say everything that went through my head with no worries of being judged or considered crazy. Well, maybe with Haley, a little. But still, it wasn't the same. It'd never be the same.

"Thanks, guys", I hugged them both at the same time.

"So now you're going back inside with us? They're worried, too."

"If they were so worried, they wouldn't have left the way they did, yesterday, Hales."

"Well, they are. Lucas even mentioned you should stay with them for now, but…" Haley elbowed him at that point, keeping him from going any further. Nice. Very subtle, too.

"But Peyton didn't think it was a good idea", it wasn't hard to finish his sentence. I may be going crazy, but I'm not stupid.

And their silence confirms I'm right.

"Why would she say that anyway? I thought you guys had made up that night", Nathan, aka Mr. Tact, earned another slap in the arm with this question.

"It's… it's just complicated. Too much happened that night."

"It's ok, Brooke, you don't have to explain it to us", Haley's voice was soft and understanding, "Go back home, get some stuff and we'll meet at the apartment, ok?"

I had to stop for a moment and process the last things I'd heard. He even offered for me to stay there with them. She didn't want to. For someone who wanted to be friends again, it wasn't a good start. She probably changed her mind, figured it'd be too weird. She could've at least told me that.

I went home. To Rachel's home. Got some clothes, some other things I might need, and drove to their place. Nathan had stayed at the café a little longer, but Haley was back already. She helped me set up, she even said I could sleep in another bed in the bedroom, but I was fine with the couch. Had to give the couple their privacy, after all. Although, I don't think she was using the black scrunchie that much now that she was so close to having the baby.

"Everything ok there? Wanna eat something?" I still don't know why she asked that question when she was already bringing some grilled cheese. I knew the girl wasn't gonna give me much of an option, so I took one and gave it a small bite.

"Thanks."

I was lying on the couch, she tapped my legs so that I'd give her some space to sit beside me. She studied me for a moment before speaking.

"Brooke, look at me", I did, and she went on, "You wanna talk? Cause you don't seem like yourself. And it's not just about Derek, is it?"

I bit my lip as I shook my head, confirming her thoughts. Honestly? Yeah, I was freaked out about the attack, but the other thing that was on my mind was so much stronger and consuming that it barely left me any time to think about Psycho Boy.

"I just… I really miss her, Hales. And I think I really screwed things up this time. Did you see back at the café? She didn't even talk to me."

"How could you have screwed things up? I thought you were ok."

"It's just… complicated, that's all", I sighed.

"It usually is, when it comes to you and Peyton". Her smile was so understanding that, for a second, I thought maybe she knew way more than she was showing. I don't think she did, though. And I didn't ask. "You know you'll be ok. Both of you. You know, when Lucas and I would fight, we were both too stubborn to say we were sorry, so we'd each stay in our own houses. Me, I'd cry to my mom that I missed him, and Karen told me he'd be grumpy all day long. Till we met again, by accident, of course", she winked while saying that last part, causing me to laugh lightly, "and things would just be fine again. Almost magically. It's the same with you two. You're too miserable without each other. Just give it some time, ok?"

She did understand us better than I thought. Probably cause what she and Lucas have is so similar to what we have.

"How long?" I whined. I actually whined, like a spoiled little kid. I didn't wanna have to wait. I'd waited long enough already.

"I think that's up to you two. But I do know it's not gonna happen tonight, so you might as well try to rest. Cause you know what? You look like ass!"

I had to throw a piece of the grilled cheese on her after this one, as we both laughed.

I really did look like ass. I needed some serious sleep, and we had school the next day. I wasn't too excited about going, but I knew Haley would make me go. Did I mention she was a mom already? Well, at least she sure acted like one. Kinda scary, sometimes.

When I fell asleep, the dreams were so vivid I could almost feel the water on my skin, and smell the scent of the sun lotion we were using. We were on the water, one of the many times my dad took me and Peyton on his boat, just splashing water on each other, being silly, while he rolled his eyes and smiled. It hadn't happened that long ago. Five years. Six, maybe. Before high school, before sex, and drama, and boyfriends, and fights. And love. Well, not really. Seeing that image again on my head now, I knew it. I always knew what love was. I was just too young and stupid to realize.


	4. Who I Used To Be

_As always, thanks for the feedback. This in another chapter on how both girls are trying to deal with what Brooke feels. But I promise, it's important to the story! Don't forget to click on the pretty review button below and write your thoughts on this chapter! I'd really appreciate it!_**

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**Chapter 3 – Who I used to be **

I never liked school. Except when it was a game day, or when I had a crush on a guy and got to see him walking around the halls in between classes, all day long. Other than that, it wasn't exactly my favorite place in the world. But never, ever had I hated school the way I did now. It was like everything and everyone there bothered me for no reason. When the other cheerleaders came to see how I was doing, I barely said a word. When Mouth and Skills were worried and asked me if I needed anything, I almost told them to shove it. And I wasn't even on my PMS. It wasn't a particularly good day for me to be around people. Especially people who had never seen me angry before. Really angry.

We had practice after school. The team and the cheerleaders. Not real practice, more of a goodbye thing. Last time we'd do this in school, and we all knew how much we were gonna miss it. I don't think Nathan was too fond of me, cause I was glued to Haley most of the time when we weren't in class. I had to, the girl was the only one who was keeping me sane there. As sane as I could get, anyway. I saw them at lunch. Lucas and Peyton. When he asked me if I wanted to sit with them, I made up some lame excuse about a Lit project I had to discuss with Mouth and got away. I didn't even mind that it was the most ridiculous lie in the world. I _wanted _them to know I was lying.

She did show up, much to my surprise. And as soon as she did, the girls surrounded her with questions about what happened. She was getting uncomfortable, I could tell how badly she wanted to just run away from that gym. So I took Whitey's whistle and got their attention.

"You can all gossip AFTER practice. Right now, we've got too much work to do."

They didn't seem too happy, but she was relieved. They did as I said, taking their start positions of our most recent routine, the one we were gonna present at the finals, but never actually got to. Peyton positioned herself right next to me, and organized the girls on her side, while I did the same with the girls on mine. She was co-captain, so we always did this. Today I didn't think she would. When she got back, she winked at me.

"I can't believe I'm actually gonna miss this."

It brought a smile to my face. She was never a fan of cheerleading, and I knew I was a big reason why she kept doing it. She knew how much it meant to me. Her behavior was still a mystery. It was almost as if she was trying to find the right thing to do, and she tried by acting in a thousand different ways till she did. My thoughts stopped drifting when Haley started the music. We did the entire choreography without a single mistake. Perfect. Even the guys stopped to watch, and made sure to clap their hands when we were done. I had to smile, couldn't help it. I loved everything about high school. And I was so afraid of it ending that sometimes I fooled myself into thinking it was just another summer, and we'd be back again in three months, for another school year.

"So I guess this is it, huh? Captain Brooke", Theresa smiled and hugged me, "We're gonna miss you. All of you", she said, turning to Peyton, Bevin and Haley.

"Well, just make sure the squad remains perfect as it is now, cause you're the new captain."

I knew she'd been waiting for this since she joined the squad, but it still didn't seem like she was expecting that. Truth is I couldn't have left the squad with someone better than Theresa. Peyton smiled at the scene. We'd talked about this about a year ago, right before the auditions when Rachel and Haley got in. And apparently she hadn't changed her mind about her choice. Our choice.

Last week of school. Of babbling on the halls, of meeting all your friends and hanging out with them all day long, of hearing the gossiping and whispering about your own life on the corners. Of knowing where to go and what to say. And perhaps even of being popular. We'd been talking about the end of senior year since ever. I remember our thoughts of what our lives would be like. I'd be dating the star player of the Ravens, she'd be dating a rockstar, but we'd leave them for a month and travel with her dad, just the three of us. And then we'd all move to some big city like New York or Los Angeles, she'd manage the best bands in the country, and I'd buy on the best stores in the world, we'd have barbecues on the weekends, with the two families together, and our kids would be best friends. And when I thought about it, she did date Pete, who's kind of a rockstar, I did date Lucas, who, along with Nate, was the star of the team. But that was the extent of the prediction. I never would've thought I'd be in love with my best friend, and that we'd be barely talking on these last days.

Haley kept trying to get me to say something every once in a while, but I was afraid. I had no idea how she might react when I told her the scariest truth I'd ever known.

I walked around the halls and they still looked. People still tried to talk to me, people I had never met before. If I wasn't the nicest person with them now, it wasn't because I wanted to be mean. I just couldn't bring myself to walk around with my fake smile anymore. School was gonna be over in two days, so I didn't feel that need to make them see a part of me that wasn't really there. That probably never was, to begin with. It didn't matter like it did before.

One more class was over, just one more to go. I saw Haley outside and went to talk to her, try to convince her to go back home. I knew there was no chance she was skipping, but I still thought I might talk her into it. Before I got too close, I realized she wasn't alone. Lucas, Nathan, and, oh yeah, Peyton. They were there with her. I leaned on a tree and put my head back, sliding to the floor and trying ignore this feeling. The feeling that I didn't belong there anymore. If I knew how much worse things would be, I'd have waited a little longer before freaking out. Or maybe I would've left the place before I could hear what they were saying. Most of all, what _she _was saying. When I finally worked up the courage to get up and walk to them, it was too late.

"Peyton, when are you going? I can't believe you got it!" Lucas seemed surprised, but also happy.

"Tomorrow. As from tomorrow, I'm California girl for the summer", she smiled.

"Tomorrow? You're not even staying for graduation?" Haley frowned.

"I can't", she bit her lips as if apologizing. "They want me there to start this internship as soon as possible. But you gotta let me know as soon as this little boy's born, and make sure he knows who I am, cause I'll come back in three months to meet him", she smiled, tickling Haley's belly. "I'm really sorry I won't be here for his birth, though."

"It's ok, Peyton. You deserve this opportunity", Haley replied sincerely.

Nathan was the first one to see me standing next to them. Too close to them. He knew there was no way I could _not_ have heard what she'd just said. California. For the summer. She gathered them all up to tell them the amazing news, and didn't bother to tell me. In two days, I'd wake up and she just wouldn't be in Tree Hill anymore. And I probably wouldn't even know that till I asked someone about her and they looked at me with a weird expression on their faces. _She left yesterday. You're her best friend, she didn't tell you?_ They'd ask me. And I'd feel sick to my stomach and turn around before facing them a minute longer. Which was kind of what I did this time. She turned around, it seemed like slow motion to me, and before our eyes met I ran. Away from them all, from that place. But, mostly, from her. From her hiding, and her lies. I didn't even look into her eyes this time. I wouldn't be able to stand it.

I stood on the street and looked at Rachel's house. The perfect painting, the classical style, the big porch. Who knew it could hide so much sadness and emptiness? Not only from the family who lived there, and their red haired daughter, but from the guest who was currently living there. Me. If someone asked me why I didn't go back to Haley and Nathan's place, I would've said I didn't wanna bother them. I'd be shamelessly lying, but most people wouldn't notice. Only the people who care can notice something as subtle as this kind of lie. It wasn't completely unexpected that my cell phone rang as soon as I got inside, and I looked to see Peyton's number on the screen. Part of me was screaming for my hands to flip it open and hear what she had to say. But that wasn't the biggest part. The one that wanted me to ignore the call was stronger. It rang again, three more times, and then it stopped. Then it was Haley's number calling. This time, I picked it up.

"Hey…"

"Brooke, where are you? Are you ok?"

"Relax, I'm at Rachel's. I'm fine."

"Let me talk to her", I heard Peyton's voice asking Haley.

"Haley, don't. I don't wanna deal with this now, ok?"

"Ok… alright I won't. Just…" she sighed, "Can I meet you there?"

"I'm sorry, I just wanna be alone for now."

"Brooke…"

"Haley", I didn't wait for her to finish. I loved her for worrying, and there was no denying she was an amazing friend, but at that moment there was nothing she could do or say that was gonna make me feel better. "Look… we'll talk tomorrow, I promise."

"Tomorrow? You're not going back to my place today?" her voice was genuinely concerned, and was followed by a sigh, "Can I at least stop by, for five minutes?"

I smiled weakly, and even thankfully, "Ok. But just you, alright?"

There was no answer for what it felt like minutes.

"So? What did she say?" it was Peyton's voice again that I could hear. Haley must've nodded, cause I could almost see her expression when she sighed, relieved. She worried. But apparently she didn't worry enough to let me know she was going away for the next three months. If I'd caught her talking just to Luke, or to Haley and Nathan, it'd be ok. But she waited till they were all together to tell them the big news. Usually, I would've been the first one to know. By the way things were going, I imagined I would've heard it with the rest of them. But I never would've imagined she simply wouldn't tell me a thing.

"I'll be there in 10", Haley whispered, and, with that, I hung up and lied on the couch. I half wished Peyton would come, too. But I knew she wouldn't. She knew me well enough to give me the time I needed. And it wasn't something I even wanted. Deep down, I didn't want some time. But I needed it, and she knew it. That was the reason I knew she wasn't coming.

The doorbell rang, letting me know Haley was there. And I was still on the couch, I hadn't moved since I'd hung up the phone. Somehow, I stood up and opened the door for her, saying a quiet "hi" and going back to my previous position. She sat next to my head, and gently lifted it up to place it over her lap. She didn't say a word. I closed my eyes and curled up. I didn't face her the entire time. But, as much as I wanted to hold them in, a few tears escaped my eyes. She noticed them almost immediately, and wiped them off carefully with one hand, while the other one brushed through my hair. The tears came more fiercely, and she still didn't say anything. No questions. She knew I wasn't gonna answer them, anyway. So she was just there for me. That was when I realized I wanted a friend around at that time. I probably could do it alone, but I didn't want to.

I looked at the clock to find that half an hour had passed. Half an hour in absolute silence, except for the sound of my crying, that was slowly subsiding.

"I hate seeing you like this", she finally said quietly, looking straight into my eyes. Our positions hadn't changed on the couch till I sat up next to her.

"Well, just so you know, being like this isn't exactly fun, either", I replied, before I could help myself, earning a weak smile from her.

"She was worried."

It didn't take a genious to know who she was talking about. I shrugged my shoulders in response and felt an ache in my heart, just by the mention of Peyton.

"She should've told me she was going away. Even with everything that's…" I stopped and faced her curious face, "She should've told me."

"Honestly, Brooke. I don't know why she didn't tell you, why she didn't call you, too, when she called all of us to tell us the news. But I'm having a feeling you already do."

It wasn't what she said that surprised me. It was the honesty behind her words. I didn't wanna face her after they were spoken.

"Tomorrow's our last day. Our last day in high school", I looked at her, for a second, and looked down again, "and she didn't even sign my yearbook, did you know that? Not even with something stupid like 'Have a nice summer'."

"Would you prefer it if she'd written something meaningless?"

"No", I whisper back, "No, that probably would've been even worse."

"Did you ask for her yearbook, so that you could write something?"

"I can't, Hales. I know you think it's the same, but believe me, it's in her hands, not mine."

"Well, in that case… there's still tomorrow, right?" I was surprised she didn't make any more questions. Surprised and thankful, too.

"No… there's not. Cause I'm not going."

"Yes, you are. I'm not gonna let you stay here and sulk all day long. At least at school I keep an eye on you."

"You know what, Haley? Just because I don't have a mom, doesn't mean you have to be one to me, ok? I'm a big girl, thank you very much", the words came out louder and harsher than I expected. It only took a look at her to see that the words had hurt. She was, after all, just trying to help. She'd done nothing but try to help, since… well, since ever. I put my head between my hands and whispered, "I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I didn't mean it."

"It's ok", but, despite her words, I knew it wasn't ok. Her face showed me it wasn't.

"Haley… I'm glad you came, and I'm glad you didn't listen when I said I wanted to be alone. And you got here and didn't eve ask questions, cause you knew that wasn't what I needed. I just needed a friend. I'm just… so frustrated and nervous about so many things. And I let it out on you. The one person who's been beside me. I promise, I didn't mean it. I actually like it when you play mom on us sometimes", I nudged her softly, getting a small smile that left her lips. I knew I was forgiven, then.

"So… you still wanna spend the night here, alone?" I bit my lip and stopped to think of it. I didn't know what to say, cause I didn't want to be alone, but I also didn't want to go to her place and have to see anyone who might stop by. "Cause, you know, I brought some stuff in the car, in case you changed your mind and decided you wanted some company."

My face lit up. She didn't need a more obvious answer than this one. She left to pick up her things, and that was when it occurred to me… If I ever told her about my feelings for Peyton, would she still be here? Would she still sleep in the same room as me, and would we still talk this way? Would she feel weird around me, like Peyton apparently did, now? Now that I thought about it, liking Peyton like that meant I was gay… didn't it? Or at least bi. It was so weird… cause I never looked at girls in school and went like '_wow, she's hot!'_ Guys, on the other hand, weren't bad to look at. And kiss. And… well, do other stuff with. I never thought about being with girls. I just thought about being with Peyton. I loved her for everything she was, inside and outside, too. Again, though, I never looked at Peyton and thought about her in a sexy way. With guys, I did. But with guys, I never cared. I never cried with them, I never knew their feelings just by looking in their eyes, I never gave up on going to a party to stay talking or doing nothing, I never felt that intimate, when we were on the same bed together, or when we held hands. Not like I did with her. Guys were great for the sex, physical thing, and their bodies were great to look at and touch. But the love thing, the actual love thing? That, I only felt around her. I never trusted guys. Peyton? I trusted her with my life. Too bad she didn't seem to feel the same way. Lucas was her everything. Body, heart and soul. I actually envied her for finding all those connections in one single person. And I envied him even more, cause he was that person to her.


	5. Better Than That

_As always, thanks for the feedback! It means a lot to me, and motivates me to write more and, hopefully, better. On this chapter, I mention the movie _Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants_, I hope it doesn't get too confusing for those of you who never watched it (you should, by the way!) Well, I hope you like this chapter!_**

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**Chapter 4 – Better than that**

There was no way she'd convince me to go to school. Not today.

"Brooke, it's our last day, graduation's tomorrow, you have to go", Haley insisted.

"Haley, I'm serious, ok? I can't go, I just can't."

"You do know you're gonna have to show up at graduation, right? You're student council president."

"I know. I'll go, I promise. I just wanna be here today, I don't really wanna see anyone." I pouted and it made her smile. "Plus, at least she isn't gonna be there tomorrow", I added that last part so weakly I even thought she hadn't listened.

"You're not even gonna talk to her before she leaves? Brooke, just think about it…"

I faced her, my expression showing my decision perfectly. "I will. I'll think about it."

"Alright", she sighed, defeated, "You're gonna be ok?"

"I'll live", I shrugged and she rolled eyes.

Right after she left I went to bed, and didn't make a point in getting up before noon. It wasn't the best sleep, anyway, I kept having nightmares, or senseless crazy dreams that wouldn't let me get the rest I so desperately needed. I ate something for lunch and looked at the clock. Lunch time was almost over at school, and the classes were gonna start again in no time.

I suddenly felt afraid of being alone. Especially when I thought of everyone having fun on their last day, laughing and hugging and saying their goodbyes. I didn't mind not saying goodbye, cause I knew I was gonna see them all the next day, at graduation. Well, not exactly all of them. I didn't know at what time she was leaving, and I kept trying to tell myself I didn't care. It'd probably be better if she was far away. I could start focusing on something else. But, like I said, I was afraid. And when I said afraid of being alone, the psycho's face also came to my mind. She was leaving, and she was the only one who knew what it felt like that night. Not that we'd ever talked about it since then, but at least she was there, and she knew. Now this would be gone, too.

I can't remember how or when I fell asleep, but when I opened my eyes and saw her sitting on my bed, facing me, I thought I was still dreaming. When she touched my hair softly, I knew I wasn't. Inspite of all I felt, I just wanted her to leave. It'd be far much worse if she stayed only to go away, for god knows how long, a few minutes later.

"Go away", I mumbled, still half asleep, shoving her hand from my hair.

"Brooke, we have to talk", she said, quietly, looking down.

I arched my eyebrows. "How long have you been standing there?"

"About 20 minutes", she shrugged, "Didn't want to wake you up."

"That's very thoughtful of you", I faked a smile on her direction and turned the other way. "You should go, Peyton. You don't wanna miss your flight", I chocked on the words, as if saying them made them even more real.

"I've got five hours till I have to be at the airport", she started, her tone was firm, "And if I have to stay here for four an a half, trying to convince you to hear me out, then that's what I'll do. Or, you could just listen now, cause this may take a while, and I have a feeling I'm not the only one here with words stuck down my throat."

She was pretty direct, and she usually wasn't like that, at least not when it came to something like this.

"You got that right", I whispered, and turned back to her side to face her. I sat up and folded my legs against my chest, in a defensive position. Suddenly it didn't feel comfortable to be around her anymore. All the words and the feelings I was avoiding, I knew I was gonna have to say them, before it was too late.

"That day, you know, when Derek…"

"Ian", I interrupted her, "His name's Ian."

"Ian? How do you know that?"

"I've been researching", I answered simply, hoping she'd just drop it. No matter what else I had on my mind, the attack was still a sore subject. Luckily, she got the hint.

"So, anyway… that day I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep anymore. But I could barely move, either, cause I was even scared of leaving the bed. I didn't wanna wake you up, cause I knew you were just as tired as I was, and I knew you were having nice dreams, cause, well, I can always look at your face and tell", she smiled weakly, and I did the same. What was she doing to me? If she wasn't leaving so soon, I would've gotten out of that bed and run away. That's what I do best. I don't do deep conversations about my feelings, and even though, if they happened, it was only with Peyton, at that moment I felt more like I was talking to some random guy than with the one who was supposed to be my best friend. Not because she was being anything like them, but just because I was feeling just as detached from her as I felt with those guys.

"Peyton, just say it, ok? Or better yet, don't say a thing. If you feel too weird around me now, if you think I changed in your eyes, because of what I told you, then…" I sighed and looked up trying to stop the tears from coming, "I just… I thought you knew me better than that. What do you think? You think I was gonna do something you didn't want? That I'd try something I knew you weren't comfortable with? While you're with Lucas? What hurt the most was that you'd think so little of me, Peyton."

"Brooke, I never thought that", she looked at me in disbelief. "I'm so sorry I made you think I did, but it was never my intention. It hurt, it physically hurt to keep my distance from you. Just… let me say it, ok?" _It physically hurt. _Maybe I hadn't really lost my best friend like I thought I did. But could I have gotten things this wrong? I nodded to her words, she continued, "Back to that night… Before I knew it, I wasn't even thinking about him anymore. I was thinking about what you'd said to me. That seemed more important. He was locked up, in jail, so it wasn't like I had to worry about him that much. But you were right there, right beside me, and I kept replaying your words in my head. I remembered what it felt like when you started dating Lucas, and I had a thing for him, but you didn't know. It hurt so much every time I saw you two together, Brooke."

I didn't quite understand where she was getting at, but I didn't like what I was hearing. If she wanted to declare her everlasting love for Lucas, she could say that to him, or Mouth, or Haley, but not to me. I didn't wanna hear it. But I waited to see where she was going.

"I didn't wanna be away from you like that. But I really thought it was the best thing, that it would hurt you less than being around all the time, and you seeing us together. And whenever I was around you, I was afraid that just being there, that maybe it was hurting you, somehow."

I gulped and stood there, facing her like a complete moron. She wasn't completely wrong. In fact, she had a pretty strong point there. I did, actually, think about saying I didn't wanna see her anymore after I made my feelings clear. I was gonna keep my distance, but I didn't have the courage to say the words that would make this happen. And then she asked if we could still be friends, and I didn't know how to say no to that. Cause I didn't want to. In moments like this you don't really care about what's best for you. You do whatever it takes to keep that person around, even if it's not in the way you intended. Cause you know that, deep down, there's still that tiny bit of hope, that says maybe, just maybe, one day they'll look at you differently, and you'll get everything you've always wanted. If you tell yourself you have to let go, that tiny spark of hope is gone for good. Love is weird like that. It can actually feel better to torture yourself over something that, most likely, is never gonna happen, but keep hoping, than to set yourself free and look for happiness somewhere else. Somewhere it can be found more easily.

"Why didn't you say anything? And what about the internship? How could you let me find out like that, Peyton?" I was practically yelling by the time I spoke the last words, as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I could see it in her expression that this conversation wasn't easy for her, too, so I decided not to make it even worse. My voice was calmer when I spoke again. "You have no idea what it felt like…"

"I know saying I'm sorry won't make a difference now, so I'm not even gonna try. Cause you already know I am. So I'll just try to explain… I didn't come and talk to you before because… cause if I did, then it would be real. It would mean it was final, it would mean that was it for us being friends." I finally saw some tears in her eyes, too. I knew she was being completely honest, and it broke my heart that I could ever think she was avoiding me for any other reason than to protect me. "When I got the letter about the internship, you were the first person I wanted to tell this to. It wasn't even Lucas, it was you. But I knew that if I came to tell you that, we'd have to talk about everything else, and I guess I was just trying to postpone it as much as possible. I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did, and I get it that you'd think I didn't care enough to let you know… but it's not that I didn't care. It was more like… I cared too much. You should know that by now."

"So, you're saying you're not afraid of being around me now?" my tone was almost child-like.

She smiled and put her hand over mine, that was resting on top of my knees, without hesitating. It felt almost normal again. "Never. There are only two things I'm afraid of when it comes to you: when you go Nazi during cheerleading", we both stopped to laugh at that. She softly reached out her hand and wiped a tear from my eye, "and the other thing, Brooke", she looked into my eyes in that way only she could, and said, in the most true and caring tone I'd ever heard, "is hurting you."

I couldn't hold everything in anymore after that, so I cried right there, while she was still wiping my tears away. Only there were too many tears, so she brushed her hand through my cheek before pulling me closer on a hug. I let myself cry on her shoulders. It'd happened so many times before, and yet, it seemed like the first time. Everything was so different now. But it was good to know some things didn't change. Things like the way she could comfort me like no one else could. She placed her hand softly on the back of my head as I laid it on her shoulder. She didn't seem to mind the tears that were wetting her shirt.

"I'm so sorry", she whispered, never letting go.

I don't know how long it took till my tears were dry, but when I finally pulled away, I saw her face wasn't much different than mine.

"I really don't know what to do, Brooke."

"What do you wanna do?" I surprised myself by asking the question.

"Well, being totally and completely selfish, I'd say… I don't wanna lose you. I _can't_ lose you. But what I want doesn't matter right now. I did what I thought was best for you, but I know now that I didn't have the right to decide this. It's your life, your decision. And if you choose to stay away, I'll understand."

"I don't think I have a choice. I mean, you're leaving for the summer, right?" Those words must've sounded a lot more bitter than I intended them to, cause she looked down, and then back at me in understanding.

"Being far from each other never stopped us from keeping close before", she half smiled, unsure of her own words.

"I think…" I started with my eyes closed. I couldn't believe I was gonna say those words, although I knew they were needed, "I think I could take this time, while you're away, to think about everything. Maybe not seeing you can actually help me", I stopped and turned my head away, "God, I can't believe I'm saying this."

"Hey…", I felt her hand on my chin, making me turn back to her, "It's ok", she sighed so hard, and I knew this was gonna be almost as hard on her as it was gonna be on me. "Take your time, and whenever you feel like it, you've got my e-mail, my phone number. I'll be just a phone call away."

"I know", I nodded my head and risked a smile. "So… Lucas' taking you to the airport?"

"Oh shit, Lucas!" she immediately grabbed her cell phone and I could see several missed calls.

"What happened?" I let out an amused laugh.

"He's probably looking for me, I didn't tell him I was coming", when I faced her with my eyebrows raised, she explained, "We were gonna meet after the next class and go say goodbye to Karen, and then I was gonna come here. But I figured I could just leave before class, see Karen quickly and then come", she avoided my gaze, "Otherwise we'd have to talk and say goodbye pretty quickly, and I thought maybe we needed a bit more time."

"Good thinking", I smiled, glad that she actually wanted to come and spend some time here.

She smiled back, but was soon distracted by the voice that answered the phone. "Luke, hey! I'm at Brooke's. Sorry I didn't tell you, it was an impulse. I already talked to your mom, you wanna meet me at the airport in a couple of hours?" she waited for him to reply, "Well, yeah, we've already spent the whole morning together. I gotta take care of some stuff. Don't worry. Two hours, yeah. Bye."

"You still have to pack or something?" My stomach already turned, missing her in anticipation before she even left my sight. Even before I felt the way I did now, it was like that. I freaking hated saying goodbye.

"Nope, it's all ready in the car. I was actually hoping…" she fidgeted her fingers, looking down, and then looked back at me, "I was hoping your resolution to stay away could start _after_ I got into that plane. Would you mind if I stayed just a couple more hours? We could watch a movie or something. I feel like…"

"It wouldn't be right if you left without a proper goodbye", I completed her sentence and we smiled, both of us apparently at ease around each other, at last. "Come on", I turned my head to the door, "Let's pick a decent movie. Clueless or Bring It On?" I grinned when I saw her face, rolling eyes at me. I must've watched those two movies a thousand times, and I always made her watch them with me. She complained and complained, and always ended up sleeping before the end. But at least she tried. "Kidding. You get to pick this time."

"Am I hearing it right? It's gotta be the first time you ever let me pick the movie!" she said in the most overdramatic tone ever.

"Second, actually. You picked it on your 9th birthday, too."

"No, I didn't! I picked one, and you said there was no way we'd watch that on my birthday, so you changed it!" she protested.

I thought back on that day. It wasn't long after her mom had died, and I wanted her to cheer up, no matter what. And when I let her pick the movie, she chose some weird romancy drama that was gonna get us both crying by the first half hour. She didn't need that. So I forced her to watch a comedy, and we ended up laughing so hard we cried.

"And I guess that proves my point! I've got much better taste for movies than you! Let's see what Rachel has here…" I started going through her stuff and couldn't find anything I liked. So I scoffed and looked at her, "Help yourself, I won't like any of those, anyway."

She went through Rachel's stuff and took one DVD. "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? That doesn't sound like Rachel!"

"Actually, that one's mine!" I raised my hand, taking the DVD from her hands and holding it protectively.

"Yours? When did you buy that?" she asked, amused.

"Last year. It was right near the register, and the price was half off. It was an impulse buy", I defended myself, which was apparently really funny to her.

"Is it any good? I never watched it", she sat beside me and looked at the cover.

"It's kind of a kiddy movie, but at the same time it's… not. I don't know. It's pretty sad, though."

"Happy ending?"

I shrugged. "Sort of. Yeah."

"Alright, let's watch this one, then."

"Peyton Sawyer, watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? Next thing I know you'll be watching Crossroads", I made fun of her, and she looked back at me, annoyed, while putting the movie on.

"Well, last time I checked, Joan, Rory and Serena were way cooler than Britney Spears."

The look on my face must've been weird. Sure, we used to watch TV shows up until a couple of years ago, but she sounded more like me than herself. I didn't complain, though. Truth is, I couldn't think of a better movie for us to watch. It seemed to fit the occasion perfectly.

She sat next to me as it started. From the beginning, I paid attention to her reactions. It was like the movie spoke to us. I was gonna start bawling anytime soon, so I made up an excuse to get up.

"We need food! I'll go make us some popcorn."

She paused the movie. I got to the kitchen and let out a deep breath. I was dreading the moment she'd have to go, and at the same time I wasn't sure how I was gonna handle the next two hours.

I got back 10 minutes later with a bowl full of popcorn and two sodas. It felt like we were 12 again. She pressed play right when Bridget's mom's funeral scene was up. Her eyes were fixated on the screen. Damn it, I'd forgotten about that. And everything on it was so much like it happened when her mom died. I instinctively reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze. She looked at me with teary eyes and smiled softly before turning back to the movie.

"Wouldn't it be cool if those black pants of yours fit me too?" she started babbling after a while, reaching for the popcorn, "I love those!"

"Honey, that's a movie, which means they're not gonna fit you. You're like Bridget and I'm like… well, none of them, actually."

"I'm Bridget? I'm totally Tibby! _You're _Bridget."

"I meant physically. You're the tall blond one, and I'm… well, none of them is half as hot as me", I grinned.

She didn't sleep this time. Every once in a while, she'd comment about a scene or a character. But then the ending came. Three of them were back in the same place, Bridget woke up to see two of her best friends right there, beside her. And they talked. And she cried, cause she missed her mom. Tibby was the one who said it. _You've got something she didn't have. You've got us._

I noticed her smile. Then she whispered softly to me, "I told you I was Tibby."

I linked my arm on hers and rested my head on her shoulder. She didn't mind, and used her free hand to brush through my hair.

"You know that, right? You've got me, no matter what."

I said that to her, once. And now she was saying the exact same thing to me. On a time I really needed to hear something like that coming from her.

"I know", I whispered it back and closed my eyes, almost falling asleep while she moved her fingers gently through my hair. She kept doing this till the movie ended, and I noticed tears in her eyes when it did.

"See? I can pick a good movie", she rested her head over my own, which was still being supported by her shoulder.

"Not fair, the movie's mine."

She looked at the clock, I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to her. I didn't want to let her go, I was too safe and comfortable to let her leave, now. I think that was when I realized, for the first time, that maybe I was ok with just being friends. That moment right there, I didn't need anything more than her friendship.

She held me closer when she noticed it was almost time to say goodbye, and we just stood there, letting the minutes pass.

"I don't want you to go", I admitted, selfishly.

Her grip on me tightened, and she kissed the top of my head. "Promise me you'll be ok. The only way I can stand not talking to you is if I'm sure you'll be ok."

"I can only promise you that it's what I think it's better for now. For the both of us. In the long run, I can promise I'll be ok, but not now."

"Brooke, if there's anything I can do…"

"There isn't", I hesitantly pulled away and looked at her, "I guess I'm on my own with this one."

"Never", her words were so certain they even allowed a weak smile to form among my tears. That was it. That was the time to say goodbye. And I still had no idea how I was gonna be able to do that.


	6. The Way You Do

_Sorry for the delay this week! But with the holidays and everything, things were too crazy around here. I hope I'll be able to write and update more often now. This chapter's a little short, but I had to write it. It was, by far, the easiest one to write, too, cause I basically took it from a day of my life. Not the best day, I gotta say. Feedback appreciated! And huge thanks to everyone who's been reviewing every chapter: **paulinemcc, Risen2Fall, Aliaschickita47 **and** bohemianxx. **You guys rock!_**

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**Chapter 5 – The way you do**

"I have to go", she reluctantly said the words neither of us wanted to hear.

"Yeah, you probably do", inspite of my words, I didn't move.

"Look, you wanna… you wanna go to the airport? Lucas' gonna be there, so I understand if you don't want to, but if you do…"

Many thoughts flew through my head as I tried to decide what to do. Deep down I knew I shouldn't go, I knew I should just say goodbye and watch her leave. But how could I?

"Are you sure it's ok?"

"Sure, as long as you behave and don't go jumping down his throat again for going away while Derek", she stopped and corrected herself, "well, Ian, was there."

I bit my lower lip and shot her an apologetically look. "You can't deny that was pretty stupid of him."

She let herself smile before rolling her eyes. "Come on, he feels bad enough as it is. You can't expect everyone else to know me the way you do."

She stopped dead at her own words, and things got a little awkward. Both our thoughts were on the words I'd told her that day, and I knew it. I swear to god, that was the closest I'd ever gotten to just run to her and kiss her without thinking of the consequences. But that was Peyton, my best friend, right there. I couldn't afford not thinking of consequences. Even so, I felt a warmth on her words that made me feel happy. I knew it wasn't the noblest feeling in the world, but I liked it that I still knew her better than he did.

"I'll be nice, I promise", I winked, trying to break the tension. "Just gotta get dressed and we'll go, ok?"

We went to my room as I picked my clothes, and she sat quietly on my bed. I could tell she had something on her mind, bothering her. Well, something besides all the obvious stuff. So when I went into the bathroom to change, I heard her voice calling me.

"Brooke?"

"Yeah?" my head popped out of the bathroom long enough to let her know I was listening, and I went back inside.

"You think I made the right choice? You know, by accepting this internship?"

She didn't see it, but I stopped what I was doing at that exact moment, and debated with myself. I really wanted to tell her it was a mistake, and she should stay, she should graduate with us, she should be with Haley when her son was born, and we should spend the summer together, all five of us. But I didn't really believe any of that. This was an amazing opportunity for her, and she'd be crazy not to take it.

"Brooke?" she called again. I opened the door, already fully dressed, and sat next to her.

"It's the right choice. Don't think about it too much, don't worry too much. You know as much as I do, it's your big chance. Or at least the start of a big chance."

"You're right. Of course you're right", she tapped my knees. "You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be", I sighed and got up.

He was already waiting when we got to the check in counter at the airport. And he was visibly surprised to see me there. But also visibly happy. And for a split second I wasn't even mad at him for leaving us with Ian anymore. She got in line, with two medium bags. I'll never understand how she could fit all her crap in those two suitcases. I'd need six, at least.

"Remember when you were the one going to California? We almost had to split you luggage in two cars", Lucas laughed, as if reading my thoughts.

"Hey! They all fit in your car!" I defended myself. "Sure, after you crushed them together into the trunk, but still", I shrugged, earning a smile from him.

"I'm glad you came, Brooke. I'm sure it means a lot to her."

How could I still be mad at him? Damn! I should've been, but I couldn't.

"Hey, we've got like half an hour till I have to board. You guys wanna eat something?" she came back, with her hands already free from the bags, except for her purse and a small handbag.

"Sure, I just gotta run to the bathroom, you'll wait here?" Lucas left after we agreed, giving her a quick peck on the lips, and she elbowed me when he was out of sight.

"I saw you two talking. Thanks for refraining from killing him."

"Well, you know… public place, too many witnesses", I grinned and she glared at me, "Gee, I'm kidding. I can't stay mad at him for too long. Plus, I'm ok, you're ok, Ian's in jail, so I may as well just get over it."

"Good for you. And for Lucas, too, I guess. I can travel at peace, knowing he'll still be alive when I get back."

I tensed at the mention of her trip. Sure, we were already at the airport, she had a ticket on her hands, so it was hard to ignore the fact that she was really going. But I didn't like the new reminder. Luckily, he came back before she could ask me what was wrong, and we went to the small food court. The next 25 minutes went by too fast for all I cared, and before I knew it, we were all standing in front of the gate entrance, facing each other as if trying to postpone the moment a bit more. To my surprise, she said goodbye to him before. They hugged and kissed for a while, and then she pulled away and I heard him whispering _I love you._ She said it back. I hated that she said it back, even though I already knew she would. Mostly cause I couldn't seem to say it to her. I was too afraid of all the implications it might have. Those three words didn't seem to have the same meaning anymore. I was afraid of saying them to her, and not hearing them back, I was afraid she might think saying them back meant she was in love, I was afraid that was how she was gonna interpret my words. But truthfully? Right at that moment I just wanted to tell my best friend I loved her. I loved her for going to my house today, I loved her for being there all my life. It wasn't that complicated. But the situation was too messy and delicate to risk it.

She let go of him and we stood face to face. I felt the old lump in my throat coming back, but I didn't show. She was the one who reached her arms and hugged me tight. I held on to her as if my life depended on it. Neither of us said a word for a while.

"Have a safe trip", it was easier to say it as if things were normal. As if we were gonna talk as soon as she landed. It was easier to deal with it this way.

"I'm gonna miss you", I knew what she meant. She wasn't gonna miss being around, and going shopping, and watching movies. At least not just that. We probably wouldn't even talk to each other for the entire summer. My decision, sure, but it didn't make this any better.

I was able to keep myself together only till she pulled away and smiled sadly, waving goodbye to the both of us. Then she grabbed her handbag and turned away. I had way too much to say, and I knew she had, too, but none of us did. She didn't look back, but I knew she already had tears in her eyes by the time she turned. She didn't look back, cause if she did, she might not have been able to keep going. Before she even got inside, I fell apart. I was never one to make a scene, especially in front of so many people. Hell, I didn't even cry in front of my friends, let alone complete strangers. But the emotions overcame me, and the sight of her walking away was almost too much to bear. I sat on one of the chairs around and sobbed, not caring for who was looking. My whole body shook when I felt his arms wrap around me, in an attempt to calm me down. Even I was surprised at my reaction. I knew it was gonna be hard, and I knew I was gonna miss her, but I didn't know it was gonna be _this_ hard.

He had quite a few tears on his eyes, too, but he kept it together. I found comfort in his embrace, and he waited in silence. Waited till I was calmer, holding my hand the entire time, and rubbing it softly. He'd never seen me like this. I don't think anyone had ever seen me like this. So he probably knew there was something else to it. When I'd left for the summer the year before, sure, I was sad to leave them behind, and I cried, but I wasn't anything like this. But he asked no questions, and, for that, I was thankful.

"You're ready to get out of here?" A little more than 10 minutes had passed when he asked me. I nodded and got up, waiting for him to do the same. "Come on. You wanna go to the café?"

I wanted to be alone. Really, it was the only thing I wanted, and at the same time it was I was dreading the most. But then I thought, I was gonna have all summer to be left alone if I wanted to. It might be a good idea to take up his offer.

"Sure", I shrugged and he led me outside. I saw a magazine on the newsstand on our way out, with Fall Out Boy on the cover. I'd just have to face it. Everywhere I looked, there was gonna be something there to remind me of her. But it didn't mean I couldn't pretend like I didn't see it.


	7. Her Choice

**Chapter 6 – Her choice**

One month. One whole month since I'd gotten out of that airport with Lucas. Haley and Karen had had their babies already, I was asked to be Jamie's godmother, along with Lucas, and that had definitely brought us closer. It was a strange comfort to be around him. Everyone missed her. But he was the only one who seemed to miss her as much as I did. So we spent a lot of time together, especially at Haley and Nathan's, taking care of our godson. It was amazing that two of us suddenly had one of those. I never thought I'd like being around a baby that much. But Jamie was a sweetie, and all it took me was a look at him, or having him in my arms, to forget about everything that bothered me. It was almost therapeutical. Looking into his beautiful baby blue eyes and seeing him staring back at me, I swear he could look into my soul. And I didn't mind a bit.

The problem was when I wasn't with Jamie, or Lucas. Haley and Nathan wanted me to stay with them, they didn't want me alone in Rachel's huge house, but I figured I was gonna have to learn how to be alone, eventually. I'd postponed it long enough. I was locked in the house for about a week after she left. Sure, I'd go see them, and we'd talk, but I didn't get out much. After that, well, it was still hard, but not that much. By the end of the month, I was starting to get used to the fact that she wasn't there. I didn't like it, but I was getting used to it. In the end it all hurt just the same, though.

We were all at Lucas', Karen was gonna make us dinner, the babies were already asleep. Lilly was one of the sweetest little babies ever. Jamie was a lot like Nathan, always making his presence known, and already used to being the center of everything. And of course, we all loved that about him and were happy to give him our full attention. Lilly, on the other hand, was all Keith. Even when she was sleepy, or hungry, she was always smiling and giggling. She wasn't about trouble and didn't care about the attention. When we looked at her, her eyes were kind. Sometimes it felt like she was the one looking out for us, and not the other way around.

I was at the living room talking to Nathan when we heard Lucas calling. "Hey, you guys! Peyton just got online. Hold on, I'll connect the webcam."

Everyone almost ran to the room. I walked slowly, something that passed by unnoticed by everyone. When I got inside, her image was already on the screen, smiling and waving at everyone.

"Brooke, hey. Didn't know you were there", she seemed honestly happy to see me, even if she was a little uncomfortable, so I forced a smile and waved back.

"Yeah, it's godparents reunion today."

"Too bad the kids are already asleep, otherwise they could meet their aunt Peyton!" Haley's words broke the sudden tension that'd built in the room. "But look!" she raised a tiny pair of sneakers so that she could see them over the camera, "Those two", she pointed at me and Lucas, "plus Karen, chipped in and bought Jamie these and…" she also raised the little Ravens jersey we'd managed to have made, "can you believe he's already got his jersey?" Haley was all smiles.

"Dude, you're already gonna torture the kid with basketball", she was amused by the shock on Nathan's face, "I'm surprised they didn't get him a ball."

"Actually, we were going to…" Lucas started, "but Nate beat us to it", the whole room laughed. Everyone except me. I was at the back, near the door, just staring at the image on the screen. It was much easier to ignore the fact that she wasn't there when she actually wasn't. But now, I could see her face, I could hear her voice, and I didn't make things any better.

"I wish you'd told me about the present, I wanted to chip in, too."

"Well, you can't, can you?" I barely recognized the coldness in my own voice. It surprised everyone and made them turn their attention to me, "Cause you're not here. You chose to go, and you can't go away and just appear on the damn camera and want to be a part of this. You made your choice, so stick it up, Peyton!"

I stormed out of the room, and the house. They knew better than to follow me. Or at least I hoped they did.

"Brooke! BROOKE!" It was Haley's voice calling me from Lucas' door. I stopped and turned back, glad to see she was the only one there. She walked slowly to me, as if she were afraid I'd start running again. When we were face to face, I lifted my head to meet her gaze. "What was that all about?"

I knew the question was coming, but I still had no idea what my answer would be. "I know I shouldn't be mad at her for leaving, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that. It's just… she wants to be a part of it, but she's not, cause she chose to go. She can't have it both ways", I was trying to convince myself more than Haley. The last sentence was almost silent. Haley's expression softened.

"It's not like she's never coming back. It's not like she doesn't miss us, and didn't wanna be here, too."

"Was she mad?" I asked, pointing back to the door.

"No, she was sad. She actually asked us if she could talk to you, alone."

"Look, just tell her I went home, ok?"

I knew she was gonna give me that look, but there was no way I was gonna talk to Peyton now, only to risk falling apart all over again. "I won't actually go, I'll just stay here for a while. Please, Haley."

"Fine. I'll go back, and you better be there soon, cause dinner's almost ready."

"I will", I smiled as she winked at me and started walking back inside. I sat on the porch and heard them inside his room. I heard Haley saying I'd gone back home, and I heard how disappointed Peyton sounded. And then I cried again, careful not to make a sound. The tears rolled down silently for a long time, till I felt someone getting closer and sitting beside me. Lucas. He'd seen me crying once after the airport, and tried asking what was wrong. When he realized I wasn't gonna give him an answer, he simply hugged me and stroked my hair till the tears subsided. This time he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and let me rest my head on his chest. It was weird how comfortable I felt with him, almost as much as I did with her. I cursed myself when I noticed I liked him a lot better when he was far away from her. But it hurt him to be away from her. She was hurting, away from him. I hated that I could be this selfish.

To anyone who passed by the streets and looked, we might as well be boyfriend and girlfriend. I chuckled at the simple thought. If half of them knew the truth… better yet, if at least one of them knew the truth, it'd be enough for another big scandal to fall over this city. That was just the way things worked in Tree Hill.

Karen announced dinner and we went back inside. No one mentioned anything.

"So how's Peyton?" she asked, unaware of the tension that'd been forming. I stood silent and continued to put some rice on my plate. Lucas took it to himself to reply.

"Good. She said she misses us, though. And she can't wait to see Lilly", Karen seemed happy with the answer.

"Speaking of Lilly, I'll go check on the kids before we start eating."

"I'll go with you", Haley immediately followed suit, leaving Nathan and Lucas at the table with me. Lucas faced me and I knew he was trying his best not to make me even more uncomfortable, with his short answer to his mom's question, with the way he didn't bring anything up. I smiled at him in gratitude, and he returned the smile.

Luckily, it didn't take too long for the two moms to get back, and the rest of the dinner ran smoothly. But I knew that, with each crying face, each outburst like the one that had just happened, with each cringe at the mention of Peyton's name, they grew more and more worried. Worried and curious about what was up with us. As far as they knew, as far as we'd told them, we were on great terms when she left. I guess with Nathan it was easier to convey that I simply missed her too much. With Lucas and Haley, though, and even with Karen, it wasn't that easy. Truth was I really wanted to talk about it. But I was too scared of losing someone else because of this. I obviously couldn't tell Lucas. Yeah, I could just think of how well this conversation would go: _Hey, Lucas, guess what? I'm in love with your girlfriend. Yup, me, Brooke Davis, your ex, I'm in love with your current! _That left me Haley. I thought back on Anna, but I don't think Haley even knew about her. If I could just remember if she knew and, if she did, how she'd reacted, that could give me an idea. It was Haley, after all, the sweetest person in the world. It wasn't that I didn't trust her to be there for me, but people had disappointed me before. People I thought would never hurt me. The chances she'd turn away and avoid me were minimal. But, at least to me, there was always a chance, as small as it was. That was enough for me to keep my mouth shut.

Jamie started making himself heard right when we were finishing dessert. Nathan got up to take him, but I stopped him. "I'll go." I got up without looking at their faces, and walked the short distance to Karen's room. I looked at Lilly first, and no surprises there. She was sleeping like an angel, despite the screaming baby boy not too far from her. "What's up, little boy? Got tired of everyone talking and laughing over there, without you?" I whispered the words to him, who stopped crying immediately and focused his little eyes on mine. "It's almost like they can't see you're also here, huh?" A wave of sadness washed over me as I realized that was exactly what it felt like. They just couldn't see it. I wasn't sure if I wanted them to, anyway, but it still hurt that they didn't. It took me another glimpse at Jamie to stop these thoughts from coming. He had that power over me. I kept rocking him back and forth inside the dark room, careful not to make noise and wake Lilly up. He wouldn't fall asleep, but he was quiet, facing me with such intensity it was almost as if he was saying _It's ok. I know it and it's ok._ I knew it was crazy, and of course the one month old baby on my arms wasn't even aware of what he was doing, let along what people around him felt. But it still felt strangely comforting that this little baby could give me the peace and security no one else around could.

"How are the little angels?" Karen slowly walked into the room and checked at her daughter on the crib. She was breathing in and out, peacefully and quietly, while Jamie, happy with the new arrival, reached his little arms in her direction. She took him and I reluctantly let her. "You ok, Brooke? You seemed a little detached today."

I smiled on her direction, watching her rock the baby in her arms. "Just tired." She kept facing me and was pretty sure that if I stayed there for one more minute, she'd be able to read my mind, somehow. "I'll go help them clean up, ok?" I pointed to the door and left, just as Haley and Nathan were going in.

"He's awake?" Haley asked Karen, who nodded.

"Yeah, and doesn't seem like he's going back to sleep anytime soon."

"You want me to take him?" Haley offered, but Karen shook her head.

"No, it's fine, he's behaving good, for now anyway." Nathan shot her a look, but soon laughed. She was right. There was no way he'd keep this quiet for too long.

"Good, then we can clean things up while he's quiet, and then we'll go home", Haley looked at Nathan as he nodded.

We started cleaning and again, no mention of what happened. Not even of Peyton's name. I stood in silence almost the entire time. All of us did. When most of the work was done, I couldn't take it anymore, and closed one of the cabinets with more strength than I had to.

"Sorry…" I whispered, and decided it'd be better to leave now, "You know what? Could you guys just… finish this? I gotta go home."

"Brooke…" Lucas started, but I raised my hand, stopping him.

"Luke, I'm tired, ok?", my eyes pleaded for him not to say anything else. "I'll see you", with that, I was out of the door.

The phone was ringing when I unlocked the front door. It stopped before I got in, but there was a message.

_Hey whore! Still there, taking advantage of my house? _It was Rachel's voice on the speaker phone. _I hope it's still in one piece when I get back. Or better yet, I'd rather have you destroy it with a decent party than staying there by yourself pouting all day long. Well, your choice. Seriously, as long as you're ok. See ya._

Rachel. Strangely enough, she was probably the person I'd talked to the most over this month. Except for Lucas, maybe. But she did call every once in a while, and I'd told her about the attack and that Peyton and I were friends again, kinda, and then about California. But I never mentioned we weren't talking, and, of course, not even about what we did talk. Although I had a feeling Rachel already knew it. I thought back on the things she used to say to us. _Overpossessive best friend with weird lesbian energy._ I rolled my eyes and chuckled when she said it at the time. She was right about the first part. She was _my _P. Sawyer, and I was her B. Davis. We were a bit possessive, but aren't all best friends like that? Lucas didn't like it when Haley started spending her time with Nathan. Sure, he also thought Nathan was a dick, and he wasn't wrong, but still. Of course best friends were like that. It's ironic that she was the one who didn't know any of us, and noticed the so-called lesbian energy. Weird. I've always been a fan of irony, really. It just wasn't that great when it came to bite me in the ass.

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_I haven't been having as much time as I thought I would lately, but hopefully it'll change this week. So have you watched the new season? I almost went crazy cause Breyton could totally happen if Mark wanted them to:p Especially cause they're together in almost every single scene, and Brooke's there to help her out, and... well, I know the chances it can actually happen are zero, but it made me happy anyway. How about you guys? But man, I've been missing my fave stories a lot this week. I don't know if it's because I'm totally addicted to them, but it seems like people haven't updated in forever! So girls, you know who you are, pleeeeeeeease update! And now some messages for my awesome reviewers!_

_**paulinemcc: **I take it that this chapter probably isn't your favorite, cause Lucas is there and being nice, and Brooke's close to him, and there's no Breyton! LOL! Sorry about that. But don't give up on the story just yet! ;-) It's always great hearing from you! Oh, and in case you didn't get the hint up there, your story's one of the ones I'm addicted to, so you may wanna update soon:p_

_**Risen2Fall:** If you felt special being mentioned before, I'm thinking you're gonna love having your very own message now! LOL! I'm glad you didn't hate Lucas before, so I'm hoping you're still on that good mood about him and won't have hated me for making him and Brooke grow closer now. What I can say is that all of that has a purpose for the story. Oh, and yeah, update All Our Vice NOW! (for everyone out there who still hasn't checked her story, you should totally do it!)_

_**lizbif: **I just realized I never got to reply your review! Shame on me! I always reply the reviews, and yours was so great and made me so happy that I wanted to take my time and reply it properly, and never had the time and ended up not doing it at all! But I loved it, and thank you so much for your words! I'm glad you like their interactions, their connection and their feelings towards each other. It's amazing how you understood Peyton's feelings and reactions, and how she must be afraid of everything that's been happening with Brooke. It hasn't been hard for me to write, cause I'm using a lot of aspects of my life for this story, and I can relate to the characters in a lot of ways, so I guess that helps to bring them some more depth. Anyway, keep reading and reviewing if you like it, it's highly appreciated!_

_**justawritier: **Another new reviewer! Thanks for reading, and feel free to keep leaving reviews and telling me what you think of the story!_

_**Aliaschickita47: **As always, love your random reviews! LMAO! As you may have noticed from this chapter, I won't make you have to wait that long while they're apart, since time's gonna pass a little faster. Plus, there's some more things planned that I'm thinking you're gonna like! ;-)_

_**bohemianxx: **Sorry I almost gave you a heart attack:p And I also hope your heart's good and healthy then, cause there are gonna be some good surprises ahead. Not exactly right away, but I hope you think it's worth the wait. Thank you so much for your support. And you can keep sending Brooke hugs cause she needs them, hehe!_

_Do I have the best reviewers ever or what? Thanks you guys! And now that this author's note's almost as big as the chapter, I shall say goodbye! Talk to ya on the next update, whether it's mine or yours! ;-)_


	8. Temptation Waits

_I'm trying to update once a week, but I know I've been having small delays! I was having some severe case of writer's block last week, but right now I was able to write a bunch of things, for a couple of chapters ahead, so hopefully I'm cured! As always, thanks for reviewing! I'm too lazy to leave messages to everyone who reviewed right now, so I'll leave it as a general thanks this time! But I gotta mention awesome __**Ally**__ for reviewing every single chapter she hadn't reviewed before, and boosting my review numbers considerably! LOL! Thanks girl, you know you rock! Oh, and __**Risen2Fall**__, sorry to bug you with the rambling PM's, I can't help it, it's a compulsion! And yay, I told you I wasn't being able to write much, and as soon as I finished writing it to you, I started working on the story again and suddenly I was having all these ideas and writing all these things! Alright then, I'll stop babbling here, too. There's a limit on how much babble a person can do. Or isn't there? If there isn't, someone should impose one, for your own good, people, cause I can do it non stop! Oh, and the chapter's name is the title of a song by Garbage. Great band, by the way, you should check them out! And it's also where my penname comes from, so… just a useless piece of information! I'll leave you to the story now!

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**Chapter 7 – Temptation waits**

I'm not proud of who I was all the way through the first half of high school. Parties, booze and sex. That's what my life could be described at. Simple. Fun. Safe. Well, it kept my heart safe, if nothing else. Nathan wasn't much different. Peyton was. Always been. Looking back now, I don't know how she could stand the two of us that way, for so long. Lucas and Haley changed all that. I couldn't admit it at first, but those two changed the three of us in ways I don't think they can conceive. They know how much I love them for it. Thanks to them, I got the chance to grow, to trust, to show everyone that Brooke Davis was way more than a brainless slut.

But with everything that'd been happening lately, and after seeing her on that webcam, it didn't take long till the temptation was too much to resist. I couldn't say it was as bad as before, but I started crashing parties of people I didn't know, from Duke or wherever there was enough alcohol. If it helped me kill the pain before, why wouldn't it be just as useful now? With each day, I cared less and less for anyone else. I wasn't proud of that, but it hurt less. It could numb the pain. And at that time I'd do anything to numb the pain. Six weeks after Peyton left, after going to five or six parties, one after the other, I hooked up with a random guy. I was drunk, and I didn't care. I just wanted to kiss a guy, to be with a guy, to get her out of my mind. I wanted to prove to myself I didn't need her like I thought I did. But not even the sex was fun this time. The entire time, I was aware that I shouldn't be doing that, I was grossed out by my own actions, but it was like I couldn't stop. When we were done, I collected my clothes, got dressed and ran home. He didn't mind calling me back. Probably cause he didn't even remember my name. When I got home, Lucas was waiting outside. I passed by him fast, almost ignoring his presence there, went to the bathroom and threw up. A lot.

"Brooke, what are you doing?" he whispered, shooting me a disapproving look.

"Go away, Lucas, it's too late to take your shit. I just wanna sleep", I got up with some difficulty and stumbled around till I got to my bed. I was sick of them coming to me and trying to tell me what was wrong or right. Couldn't they see I simply didn't _care_ anymore about right and wrong? I heard him sigh not long before my eyes closed and I fell into a dreamless sleep. With the nightmares I'd been having, not dreaming was a blessing.

I opened my eyes the next day and my then blurred vision showed me two people in the room. I was startled, till I really woke up and saw Haley and Lucas staring back at me.

"Look, guys, you can yell at me later, ok? Cause my head's gone explode as it is…" I started before they did. I couldn't deal with a lecture now.

"No yelling", Haley said, calmly, handing me our official hangover mix, which I gladly accepted, "Just making sure you're ok."

I turned to Lucas. "You called her?"

"He didn't want you to be alone, so he stayed here, and called me first thing in the morning", Haley explained.

I avoided Lucas' gaze. He wasn't mad, he was worried. I'd rather having him mad anytime. Cause that way I wouldn't feel that bad looking at him.

"Thanks", I whispered.

"Well, as long as you're ok", he shrugged, reached to take the now empty glass from my hands, and left the room.

"You're ok? He said you were throwing up yesterday", Haley quietly sat next to me in bed and looked at me sadly. I hated to be the one responsible for that look on her face.

It was easy to act the way I was acting when they weren't around. For the past weeks, Haley and Nathan were so busy with Jamie, and Lucas was busy with his baby sister, that they didn't have time to worry about me, something I thought was the best thing in the world, at first. I was suffocating, and I needed the space. But now, seeing their faces in front of me, I knew they weren't completely unaware of what my life had been like during that time.

"Better. Just my head, now. But it'll get better in a few hours."

She nodded and bit her lips. She wanted to say something, but she knew it wasn't the time. I knew it was coming later on, though, and I wasn't exactly thrilled about it. I started to wonder if maybe that was the time to tell her everything.

But then her cell phone rang and it she had to go. It was Nathan. Jamie was awake and hungry. I felt horrible for making her leave her son to come take care of me. But she didn't mind, she made sure to tell me that. With a warm hug, she assured me she'd call later to check and left. Lucas came back with his phone in hand right after that.

"It's Peyton. She wants to talk to you", he handed me the phone, very serious this time.

"I don't wanna talk to her."

"Well, that's too bad, cause you're going to", he defied me with his look. He meant it. If I didn't grab that phone and talk to her, he'd probably make me go to California and do it in person. He didn't leave the room till I took the phone in my hands and said 'hello'.

"What the hell are you doing?" came her angry voice, almost immediately.

"What am I doing? What are _you_ doing? I don't even wanna talk to you, and it's not like you're here to do anything about it, so…"

"So what? It's not like you're listening to the ones who _are_ there, so I thought I'd give it a try", she stopped and sighed. I could bet she'd put her hand on her forehead, supporting her head. "You go to all these parties and get wasted and go back home and vomit? We're not 16 anymore, Brooke. God, what if something happens? You were there at Duke when that guy tried to…"

I closed my eyes and my stomach turned at the simple mention of that day. I don't think I'd ever been that scared my entire life. When I walked into that room and saw what he was trying to do to her, when I saw he'd drugged her. It wasn't like I wanted something like that to happen this time, but honestly? I hadn't even thought about it. And what had happened last night wasn't much different. Only I was drunk, not drugged. And in some level I knew what I was doing, and in some other twisted level, I wanted to. Even knowing I'd hate myself for doing that right after it.

"Peyton… it's none of your business", the words came out harsh and void. It wasn't her place to say these things anymore.

"Of course it's my business!" she shouted, this time. "And if you won't listen to Lucas and Haley, then I'll make you listen to me. You can't imagine what it's like, when Lucas calls and tells me he's watching you slip away, and they don't know what to do or what can happen if you don't stop, and I can't do anything other than grab the damn phone and try to knock some sense into your head."

"Then don't!" In some level, I knew I wanted her to feel bad for not being here. It was childish, and it was stupid, but I was still doing it. "Go back to your precious internship and let me live my life."

"I'd so kick your ass right now if I was there…"

"But you're not, are you?" I chocked on the words, overcome with emotion, "You're not here, and you can't help me. So if I wanna go out and get drunk and, oh yeah, have sex, you're certainly not the one who's gonna stop me from…"

"WHAT? You had sex?" she yelled in disbelief, "You got drunk and had sex with some guy you never met?"

"Spare me the lecture, it's not like it's the first time I did this, and you know it."

"Yeah, but at least on the other times I was there to pick up the pieces, cause you always felt like shit after you did that. Even when you wouldn't admit it to me or to yourself", there was silence, I cursed her silently for being so direct about it, and cursed myself for thinking telling her about it and making her angry would make me feel slightest better.

"Yes, I do feel like shit, and no, you're not here. That's just the way things are now, so we might as well get used to it. You promised you'd stay away. I _need_ you to stay away."

I pleaded she would listen, but listen beyond the words I was saying. Did she know that, with those words, I meant the exact opposite? I was lost I didn't know what I was doing anymore.

"I couldn't keep my distance knowing that you're falling and no one knows how to keep you from going further down", she had a sweetness in her voice that reminded me of the day she left. It should've made me smile, but it made it all hurt even worse. "And if you're falling and you're losing yourself again, how can it not be my business? You're my Brooke, ok? Always."

I threw myself in bed and pressed the phone closer to my ear, as if, somehow, it'd take me closer to her. I just needed my best friend around. And I wanted so desperately to ask her to come back, to leave everything behind and come back to help me. I knew she would, and that was the worst part. All it took was for me to say it, and she would be back. She wouldn't hold it against me, she wouldn't ask more questions. She'd come back and help me deal with it in some other way, in a better way. Cause I was better than that.

"I'm sorry, Peyton, I have to go", I pressed the off button faster than I could think. If I stopped to think, I'd wanna say more things, and I'm pretty sure I would've asked her to give it all up and come. I couldn't do that. I'd been selfish enough by telling her how I felt, even though I knew she didn't feel the same way, and by making her carry this extra burden. I wouldn't do that again.

When Lucas got back inside, he asked me if I was gonna be ok. I told him I was done being stupid, I was just hurting. He knew that was the way I dealt with pain.

"Wow… she's good", he pointed to the phone. "I mean, I know I could've stayed here all day talking to you and it probably wouldn't change a thing, and in 10 minutes she convinced you to stop with it?"

"Well, you know…" I shrugged, dismissively, not in the mood to go into that subject. So I decided to change it, "Why were you here, anyway? I mean, yesterday, when I got home?"

"You know… I hadn't seen you in a while, and I wanted to see if everything was ok."

"Lucas…" I looked at him. There was obviously something else to it, "You came here, after midnight, to check on me?" I laughed, "Come on, what's the deal?"

"Actually… yes, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about", he sat near me, quietly, before blurting it out, "I'm going to California, to see Peyton, for a week. And I'm leaving tonight, it was kind of a last minute thing, I didn't wanna go because of Lilly, my mom convinced me she'd be ok. And I was wondering if… if maybe you'd wanna go, too."

"Oh…" I avoided looking at him. For a moment, when he said it, my heart felt warm and happy again just by the possibility of seeing Peyton. But then I thought back and our conversation, and how close I was to telling her more than I should, and how close I was to forgetting about everything else and just asking her to come back. If I saw her face to face now, it'd be even worse. And the fact that she was gonna be there with Lucas wasn't gonna help, either. Still, I hated the fact that Lucas was going and I was staying. He was the person I felt most comfortable with, and, for a week, I wasn't gonna have that. I still wasn't gonna have Peyton, and Lucas would be gone, too. "You know, I don't think this is such a good idea, Lucas."

"What do you mean? I know you've been miserable here without her, Brooke, so why not going? I promise I'll even give you two some best friends bonding time", he half smiled, in a sweet attempt to convince me. I felt too guilty to even look at him. He was being nice, he was being an amazing friend. And what I wanted the most was to take his girlfriend from him. My intention wasn't to hurt Lucas, it never was. Ok, maybe it was that, too, when I was mad at him before, cause of the whole attack thing. But not lately. With each day around him, I questioned my own feelings and my decisions, hoping I could find a way to let them go, so that Lucas and Peyton's happiness wouldn't stand in the way of mine. So that I could be truly happy to see them both together, and could fight this urge to be with her, inspite of their feelings for each other. Inspite of the fact that her feelings were directed to him, not me.

"Thanks, Luke. That's really sweet, but… you two could use some time alone", I swallowed hard by saying the words that were so true, but so hard to admit, "and I'll be fine here. I promise."

He studied my expression one more time. "I used to think I knew you so well, Brooke", his voice was a little sad at this statement, "And now I look at you and I really can't figure out what's going through this head of yours. I just hope…" he stopped and looked deeply into my eyes, "You know I care a lot about you, don't you? Anything you need, just…"

"I know", I smiled, that emptiness, that guilt even stronger now, "I know. Thanks. And have a safe trip."

"Anything you want me to tell her?"

I shook my head immediately, "Not really. She already knows what I would say."

He left that same day, as planned. Haley sent pictures of James, along with a small letter saying they all missed her, and her high school diploma from the graduation she'd missed. Nathan sent a small note asking for a decent souvenir from LA, and then being sweet for once and saying she was missed here. I couldn't even bring myself to write a note. Nothing. Lucas thought it was weird, but didn't push the subject. None of them did, as we went to the airport, to say goodbye. Lilly and Karen were there, too. When he left, I felt another small piece of me leaving, too. And my heart broke one more time, for more reasons than I cared to imagine. Soon the babies started getting too agitated with the talking and the commotion, so we left.

Two days later, I got a call from my parents. A call I thought I'd escaped from already. The usual technique they used when they wanted me to visit: come see us within the next 2 days, or we'll cut you off. Sweet, huh? Sure, they knew I'd never go if they didn't do that, so in a way it really showed they wanted me there. Maybe. But could there have been a worse moment? I tried to reason, tried to tell them I'd go by the end of the summer. But there was no way. When I hung up the phone, I looked at the stars, and I knew someone up there really hated me. In 48 hours, I'd be flying to LA.


	9. Somewhere Else

**Chapter 8 – Somewhere else**

Flying first class wasn't new to me, neither were the comfortable chairs and the great food. I used to love all of it. And whenever I laid back and rested my eyes, I felt as if I was on my own bed, at home. None of this happened this time. I kept rolling around, probably annoying everyone near me. I wasn't hungry, either, even though I hadn't eaten anything all day. It was 5pm on my watch. Two more hours till we landed, and I wasn't looking forward to it, not even a little bit.

Los Angeles was a huge city, so the chances that I'd run into either Lucas or Peyton there were slim. But knowing my luck these days, I'd probably spot them as soon as I stepped foot out of the plane. I hadn't told anyone I'd be there. As far as Haley, Nathan, Mouth, Karen and everyone else was concerned, I was in New York, cause that was where my parents supposedly were. The happy couple had no idea I was even leaving Tree Hill.

My parents weren't at the airport when I arrived, no surprises there. Instead, I was greeted by Tom, their sweet middle-aged driver. The same person who'd gone there to pick me up the year before. In the car, he explained that my parents were at a meeting and were really upset they couldn't be there to get me. I pretended to believe it again and we started talking about what our lives were like since we'd last seen each other. Tom was really nice, and ended up being someone I could talk to the year before, since my parents were hardly around. It was funny how they made a point in me being there, but they didn't make an effort to actually be there, too.

But at least they were home when I got there. After some apologizing I didn't buy, we ate dinner. They asked about things in Tree Hill, and school, and had the nerve to ask about graduation and pretend they were mortified they couldn't be there. It used to bother me before. I'd yell at them and storm out. But I didn't have the strength for that anymore. So I smiled, nodded, and everyone was happy. I didn't even pretend I wanted to be there this time.

When the family bonding time was over, I went to my room. My stuff was already unpacked, courtesy of the new maid whose name I still didn't know. Without much to do around, I started calling the people I'd met the year before, and found out most of them were out of town, on a trip they'd been planning for a while now. Europe. I closed my eyes and wished I could be there, too. Not because of the place, not because I missed those people. Simply because it was far away from everything I knew at the moment. And that was exactly where I wanted to be. Only one of them answered the phone. Vincent. We went out a lot last summer, we even kissed at some point, on a desperate attempt of mine to get over Lucas. He noticed my heart wasn't in it, though. When I was drunk and wanted to take things a little further, he said no. I was so angry for that, I yelled at him and went back home. The next day, he stopped by, we talked, and he revealed himself as an unexpected friend. His voice was chipper when he recognized mine.

We hung out that day, just walking through the city, and I even had dinner at his house. Their parents were the coolest people alive. Also rich, but not snobbish, like mine were. They talked about things with their son, and I felt slightly jealous to see how comfortable he was around them. His younger sister, Julie, was there, too. I hadn't had the chance to meet her the year before. Fifteen years old, just starting high school. She had everything to become the queen bee as soon as she stepped foot into the school, and apparently she knew that. But that didn't make her mean to people, didn't make her treat anyone like they were less than her. And that was one of the many reasons why I liked their family so much.

His parents told me about a beneficent party they were having the next day, and invited me to it. I was glad to have an excuse to be away from my parents house, and from my parents themselves, so when Julie asked me if I wanted to get ready there, I accepted it promptly. She reminded me a lot of myself in some ways, and in others, we couldn't be more different. She was more mature, way more mature than I was when I was her age. The party was nice and calm – no booze for me, all night long. Vince was a little surprised, as he admitted to me later on. I couldn't hide the fact that I was surprised, too. I just didn't feel like doing these stupid things anymore. In a couple of day's time, Julie became like the little sister I never had. Annoying at times, true, but I liked the company, and apparently so did she. Vince asked me about Lucas, I said he was in the city, but didn't know I was also there. In the city, visiting his girlfriend.

"Peyton?" he asked in disbelief, when I said who the girlfriend was, "He's dating your best friend now?"

I smiled at his shock, nodding. "Yup. You wouldn't believe everything that's happened this past year in Tree Hill. Too much, I'd say", he got the hint of sadness in my voice, and sat next to me in his living room.

"Did you at least get to tell him how you felt?"

"Yeah, I did. We even dated again for a few months."

"And he broke up with you?"

"No, actually… I broke up with him."

"Then I don't get why you're so sad about it", he was confused, and I didn't blame him for it. But I wasn't gonna answer his question now. So I went with my regular speech I made when I didn't wanna talk about something.

"It's complicated, really", he stared back at me in silence. I thought I saw something in his eyes. Something he wanted to say, but wasn't sure if he should. And I really couldn't handle it, if what he wanted to talk about was what I thought he did. He liked me, he never tried to hide this. But he respected my feelings, so after that party, he never did anything about it. Not that he'd just learned I was single, I knew it was coming, sooner or later. "So what are the plans for tonight?" I tried to break the tension and keep him from saying something at the same time.

"My friend told me about this new club, opened last week. The manager's actually from North Carolina. Didn't catch his name, but people say it's pretty good. You wanna go?"

"I'll go, with one condition", I smiled, holding it off to make some mystery, "You let me make Julie a fake id so she can go with us."

He knew that was coming, we'd been trying to convince him for the past days. "You know the answer to that already. I'm not giving my little sister some document that practically allows her to get drunk and party everytime she wants to."

"Come on, Vince. I can make her one right now. And you know we'll both be there to keep an eye on her. Plus, you can always keep it with you anyways, just let the girl live a little."

"Oh, she does live, trust me", he rolled his eyes, making me wonder it must be nice to have an older brother, someone always watching over you. Sure, it can also drive you crazy sometimes, but overall? I guess it's worth it.

"Just this once! Plus, you know she'll find a way to go out anyway. Don't you think it's better if we're there with her?"

That last argument seemed to have done the trick, because eventually he caved. Julie was more than excited about it as we chose our clothes. Her long brown hair had the same color as her brother's, and they even looked alike. Only she had brown eyes, matching her hair, while he had green ones, inherited from their mom. They were both tall and she had the looks and a body that would certainly get her a free pass on every club in the city. Already did, once or twice, as she told me. But we never mentioned that to Vincent.

She wasn't nervous when we got in, not the slightest. She had confidence that I actually envied at that point. Something I'd somehow lost over the last couple of months. The place was crowded, a huge dance floor and a stylish bar in the middle. The music was good. Everything was, till we met Vince's friend, Carl. It wasn't that he wasn't nice, but as soon as I looked at him I noticed something. I sensed something wasn't right. And when he introduced us to the manager, I knew what was wrong.

"Hi, I'm Rick", he reached out his hand, but I didn't shake it. I just looked at him, immediately remembering where I knew him from. The guy Peyton did cocaine with.

"Yeah, you are", I faced him with disgust, he simply grinned.

"Do I know you?"

"You know what, never mind. You don't know me."

"Oh, right, you're the girl from Tree Hill. I remember seeing you at that little place, Tric", I hated the smile that formed on his face. But the worst was yet to come. "Speaking of which, your friend's a piece of work, too. Peyton, right?" my blood boiled when he dared to even mention her name.

"None of your business anymore."

I was so mad at him that, for a moment, I forgot that there were more people there with me, just watching our interaction, unaware of the reasons for my anger towards this guy they had no idea I even knew.

"Brooke…" Vince touched my shoulder, making me turn to face him, "What's going on? How do you know Rick? And how does he know Peyton?"

I stood in silence, looking between them all.

"Can we just…? Can we go somewhere else?" I asked him among the loud music and all the talking between us.

"Sure, let's go", he gently touched my arm, I grabbed Julie's hand and we began to walk away. But then he said something that made me turn back around, something I couldn't ignore and that left me with a dumbfolded look.

"You really wanna leave your friend here?" when he said and I turned, he had the cockiest grin on his face. I didn't understand what he was saying at first, but it didn't take long for me to connect the dots, especially after he kept talking, "I was actually surprised when she found out I was here and tried to get in touch. Seems like old habits die hard, after all."

"You're lying", I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath, "she wouldn't do that again."

You might wanna remind her of that, cause she's been doing it every night for the past week", I knew he wasn't kidding. I didn't wanna believe him, but I knew I should. I knew it, since we stepped foot into that place, that something was very wrong.

"Where is she?" I asked quietly, as he pointed to the VIP area.

I walked, ignoring my friends' calls and their worried expressions. I walked, hoping to god I'd got it wrong, that he was talking about someone else, anyone else. Maybe I'd been thinking about her so much lately that I automatically assumed she was the one he was talking about. That had to be it.

But it wasn't. I walked into the dim lit area and looked around, hoping not to find the one I was looking for. When I saw the blond curls on the couch, I hoped my eyes were playing a trick on me. I'd rather be going crazy than really seeing what I was seeing. But there she was, and as I walked in she did another line of cocaine. I ran to her direction and threw the small mirror she was using to the wall, scattering it and getting everyone else's attention. The few people who were also on the room left, giving me weird glances, leaving the two of us there, alone.

She didn't even seem to notice me there. She looked at me in a daze, as if trying to process what was actually happening. I didn't have time for this. I grabbed her arm and pulled her from the couch. "Come on, let's get you out of here."

She didn't fight, she barely reacted. I walked with her, out of that place, and by the time we reached the street, Vince and Julie were waiting for us.

"Brooke? What happened, who is she?" Julie asked, a scared tone in her voice, while Vince came in a rush to help me carry her to his car.

"Peyton?" He asked me, unsure.

"Brooke? Is that you?" Her weak voice was heard by all of us, and we stopped. I didn't wanna face her now. I was pissed and scared and worried, everything at the same time, and I didn't wanna have to deal with her. I just wanted to make sure she was ok and go back home.

"Yeah, it's me", I replied without looking at her as I sat beside her on the back seat of his car, "and I'm taking you home." I said and gave Vince the address, as Lucas had informed me before he left Tree Hill. In case I changed my mind about visiting.

"No… not home, please. Lucas is there", she whined.

"That's exactly why you're going home, so that he can take care of you."

"Can't _you_ take care of me?" she turned to my side and didn't seem to have complete control of her own body, but grabbed my hand in a clumsy way. It sent shivers down my spine, cause it was all I wanted to do. Take care of her, talk to her about this and understand why she'd done that. Especially after she gave me a lecture the other day about making bad choices and doing things that could hurt me. Such a hypocrite. I wanted to tell her that. But now wasn't the time. She wouldn't listen, and, even if she did, she probably wouldn't remember it the next day.

"No, I can't", my voice was cold. I took her hand away from mine and turned to the window. The other two people in the car exchanged glances, but remained silent.

"Please? We had a fight, and I ended up doing this, doing something stupid. But if he sees me now, he's gonna start talking and talking and talking some more, and I don't wanna hear it."

"Of course he's gonna talk, Peyton", I snapped, "What else could he do, seeing his girlfriend drugged? You're unbelievable, you know that? Plus, you come with me, you're gonna have to listen to a lot, too, cause I won't be quiet."

"It's different", she whispered. I turned to her and our eyes met, her gaze holding mine, pleading me to do as she asked.

I sighed and poked Vince on the driver's seat. "Change of plans", I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before confirming my decision, "Can you leave both of us at my place?"

With a quiet nod, he turned the car the other way. Peyton simply smiled, thankfully.

* * *

_What? You didn't expect things to be easy to Brooke, right? LOL! Thank you so much for everyone who's been reviewing, you have no idea how much it helps and makes me wanna write more, and better! Hope you liked it, and don't forget, more drama to come, next week! ;-)_

_Oh, one more thing. I noticed this story's on a bunch of people's Story Alert list, but only 7 or 8 of them review often. So I'd like to ask, if you read it and have some time, could you please leave me with some kind of feedback? Constructive criticism is always appreciated, too, as long as you don't jump down my throat or something! Well, as long as it's respectful!_


	10. Don't Be Sorry, Be Strong

**Chapter 9 – Don't be sorry, be strong**

I knew she'd done cocaine before, with this guy. I knew she'd done it, cause someone told me, but I hadn't actually seen her under its effects. She was calm at first, but it didn't take long for her to get more agitated. She wanted to go to every club we passed by, she wanted to dance, she wanted to tell jokes, and then she'd laugh when we said we weren't gonna do any of that. Everything we did or said seemed so funny to her it was irritating. I was afraid she'd talk too much, with the two other people in the car. It's like she wasn't afraid of anything else, nothing else made her nervous. And the more I noticed that, the more nervous _I_ got.

"Is she gonna be ok?" Julie turned and asked me when, after about half an hour, Peyton started to calm down and I felt her hands shaking a little.

"Yeah", I smiled between a few tears, "Yeah, she will. Sorry you guys had to deal with this", I faced the young girl more carefully and risked a smile, "I promise we'll still have a decent night out before I go back home, ok?"

"Ok", she smiled back, but I knew she was still concerned.

"And don't worry about all this, kiddo. It's all gonna be ok. We'll talk later?" I said it as soon as Vince parked outside my house.

We said our goodbyes and, by that time, whichever effect the drugs had on Peyton, they'd worn off already. She was quiet, ashamed. I got out of the car, she didn't move.

"You're coming?" I asked, still annoyed, not making eye contact. Still, she made no motion to get out, "Peyton, let's get inside, you've ruined everyone's night already, what else are you waiting for now?"

I leaned down and looked inside the car, when I saw her curled up on the other side, and heard her soft cry. I've always been a sucker when it comes to this girl, and no matter how mad I was at her, I still couldn't stand to see her like this. So I walked to the other side of the car, opened the door and leaned down again so that I could take a look at her. I touched both my hands on her arm and rubbed it softly, causing her to look at me, with a tired expression.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"We'll talk when we're inside", I interrupted her, softly, and got back up, reaching my hand as she did the same and I helped her out of there.

She hesitantly got out and didn't face me this time, but followed me inside.

"You should eat something. I'll ask Janet to prepare us some decent food", I sighed and went to call the maid I'd met the day before, leaving her sitting by the dinner table. She moved her hands, drawing small circles around the wood, in a sign that she had a lot on her mind.

I got us some water and went back to find her in the exact same position.

"I'm not really hungry", she whispered, still focused on the shapes of the table.

"Ok… just wait, Janet's food's pretty good, at least give it a try."

"Alright…"

"What happened, Peyton?" I tried not to sound like I was accusing her or blaming her, but I guess I couldn't hold off that tone completely, "When you called me you told me all that crap about how worried you were, and now you're doing this? If I wasn't here, you'd be right there at that club, doing coke, and who knows how long you'd keep this up..."

"Why _are_ you here, anyway? And since when?"

"Not long… a few days. Right after Lucas got here, my parents called and made me come."

"Oh…" she said, a little disappointed, and I felt the urge to explain myself, even though I didn't really feel like I had to.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I didn't even wanna come, I wasn't ready to face… you."

"Me", she said it at the same time I said _you_. "It's ok, I get it."

"You and Lucas have been fighting? What's going on?"

She faced me almost immediately, and then looked away again. "Honestly? I have no idea. I missed him so much, and I thought it was gonna be so great having him near me again, but lately… I don't know… I don't know if this past month here changed me in some way… but it's like he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how hard it's been for me to make myself stay. And when we talked and I said I was scared… you know what he said?"

"What?" I asked with a knot on my stomach.

"He said that if I was that scared, maybe it was time for me to go back home."

"He said that?"

That didn't sound like Lucas. He's the kind of guy who would tell her to fight, that's what he always did. If he wasn't acting like that right now, it probably meant she was so different that it even scared him. And he doesn't even know about the drugs. But she's still strong, and if he can't see that, and apparently neither can she, I'll show it to her, somehow.

"What do _you_ think I should do?"

I smiled at her question, cause I knew she already knew my answer. She just wanted to make sure I knew her as well as she thought I did. "I think you should show them all. Show them that P. Sawyer can kick ass when she wants to. Show them you're better than that."

"Sometimes I'm not too sure I am", she lowered her head. I was still angry with her, I thought that by now she'd know better than that. She said it herself, not too long ago. _We're not 16 anymore. _And all the things she said that day were like a wake up call. That bad things could happen, that we weren't teenagers anymore, that we couldn't blame it on our absentee parents, or some jerk of a boyfriend, or the fact that no one noticed when we needed help. We were old enough to take responsibility for our own actions, and for our choices. She showed me that, and now she was making me think if she even meant any of those things.

"_I'm_ sure", I said it after a moment of silence. It didn't matter what was going on, I needed to get through to her first. Then I could be mad for as long as I wanted. But not before making sure she was ok. "I know you are. Isn't it what you told me a few days ago?"

"I'm sorry I did this", there was honesty in her words. And I understood, better than I wish I did, her reasons for keeping it from me. "I didn't want you to see me like this, and I know I'm a hypocrite for what I said on the phone, but I wanted you to listen, I _needed_ you to listen, and I knew you wouldn't, if you knew what was going on with me."

I would've done the same thing. I didn't say it, but I would've. If I was the one who found out she was doing drugs to get her through god knows why, and I was on that party and sex scene I was, and she didn't know, I would've called her on it. I would've yelled at her for being stupid. But I would never mention I was hurting, too, and I was doing something stupid, too. Cause the moment she had that piece of information, she was gonna use it as an excuse to keep going. _If you're doing these things, why can't I? _It was better to have at least one of us doing well, than having the both of us falling.

"Well, I did listen. So now I need you to do the same", it started out as nothing more than a soft whisper, but as the image of my best friend doing that line of cocaine came rushing back, I lost half the restraint I was being able to exercise, "This is dangerous, Peyton!" I raised my voice, unintentionally, "You have any idea what can happen to you if you overdose? Do you have any idea how easily you can just drop dead? Or even become an addict? I mean, if you keep going this way for what… a week longer, soon you're gonna need bigger doses, and you're gonna…" I stopped. My head hurt at the mere thought of things like that happening to her. If she was feeling guilty, I could only feel relieved. It was a good sign. Somehow, I was getting through to her.

"I was careful", it was all she said, with such a small voice that it didn't even seem like hers.

I scoffed. "Are you listening to yourself? You did coke, but you were careful about it?"

"I wasn't thinking, ok? I'm sorry!" she raised her voice to match mine, and we locked eyes for a moment. She didn't see any hint of anger on mine this time. She saw concern.

"Don't be sorry, Peyton. Be strong", it was all I could say before looking away again. When she didn't say anything back, I figured I could move on to the next thing that was on my mind. "And didn't Lucas see something was wrong?"

Somehow, I found myself blaming him again, mad at him again, because, just like before, she was in danger, and he wasn't there. I was, even though he was way closer. And he missed the signs. It was becoming a habit already. He wasn't to blame, and I knew it. But I was so damn overprotective when it came to Peyton that, yes, I blamed him, too. It wasn't rational, it wasn't fair, but I did.

"Of course he did, Brooke", she said it, exasperation in her voice, trying to keep me from putting this all on him again, "He asked, tried to get me to talk about it, but I wouldn't. God, what's wrong with me? All he does is try to help, but he's been getting on my nerves lately. It's like I'm mad at him, and I don't even know why."

"Look… you have a lot on your mind now. Obviously", I rolled my eyes, "But what I'm really trying to understand is what could be so bad that would make you turn to Rick again."

There was silence this time. For much longer than before, and, with that, I knew there was something she wasn't telling me. Something serious. When she didn't tell me something, it could only mean two things: she was either afraid to hurt me, or too ashamed to talk about it. Either way, I wasn't too far from being the one who hurt her, with a well deserved slap on the face for all the shit she'd been doing.

Janet brought the food, and the silence was broken by the sound of the dishes being put on the table, and my quiet 'thanks' to her for preparing the salad and some toasts at this time of the night. We ate in silence, I'd send glances on Peyton's direction to make sure she was eating, at least a bit of it. I'd asked for some light food, just so that she wouldn't go to bed with an empty stomach. Besides, something told me she wasn't gonna be able to handle some mac and cheese after the night we'd had.

She took a shower and borrowed my pjs, and after I was out of the bathroom from my own shower, she faced me and finally said something.

"So… this house has like a thousand rooms", she smiled, trying to break the tension, "Where do I sleep?"

"Third one on your right", I pointed to the hall, and didn't miss the look on her face as I did so. I wasn't trying to hurt her, but I knew my actions were doing just that.

I remembered walking into her room once, when we were younger, in one of the few times I actually paid attention to the song she was listening to. I'll never forget the words. _And we hurt the ones that we love the most. Why we do, only heaven knows. _It didn't make sense in my 14-year-old mind. How could you ever hurt a person you love? I couldn't think of a way to hurt someone like that and not know you're doing so. And I couldn't think of a reason why you'd do it on purpose, either. The whole thing made a lot more sense now, and suddenly I wished I could get that bit of innocence back. I wasn't exactly innocent on a lot of things anymore by the time I was 14, but on that, I still didn't know better. And things were definitely easier that way. "Peyton…" I called her back when she was turning. She looked at me expectantly, even hopefully, and I managed to hurt her a little bit more, once again, "Shouldn't you call Lucas before you sleep? He must be worried", the words came out with a sigh. I knew it wasn't what she was expecting, and a lot of things were being left unsaid, just like they had been, so many times before. But I was too tired to try this time. The unspoken words would have to wait a while longer.

"Yeah…" she replied, emotionless, "Sure, I'll do that. Goodnight", she left the room and closed the door carefully as she did so.

"Goodnight", I whispered back, knowing she wasn't listening anymore. And, inspite of myself, before closing my eyes and giving into sleep, I added, "I love you, P. Sawyer."

* * *

_I know I suck for not updating before! What can I say? Real life got in the way. Plus, I've written some stuff but now I'm totally stuck and I haven't written a thing in like two weeks! I'm hoping I'll figure out where to go with the story pretty soon._

_The song Brooke mentions she heard once in Peyton's room is "No Apologies", by Alanis Morissette._

_What do you think so far? Let me know, ok? And thanks for the awesome response on the last chapter, I think it was the most reviews this story ever got in one chapter. I hope you'll be extra nice and do the same thing this time. Even though you probably hate me for taking that long. Sorryyyyyyyyyyy!_


	11. Slipping Away

**Chapter 10 – Slipping away**

It wasn't easy to sleep, knowing she was standing just two rooms away from me. I don't think we've ever slept apart when we were in the same house. We'd always be in bed, ready to sleep, and I'd turn to her side, whether we were on separate beds or on the same one, and say goodnight. She'd say it back, it was almost a formality, cause we both knew we weren't gonna be closing our eyes anytime soon. One of us would remember something she'd forgotten to tell the other, and a conversation would start, and pretty soon we'd be talking about what things were like when we were 9, or something the other one still didn't know, from when we were even younger, and hadn't met yet. An insignificant detail from a life that seemed so far away now. She'd tell me something about her mom's clothes, and I'd tell her something about what my parents were like when they were still parents. It was hard to believe there were still things we didn't know about each other, but there was always something. Whether it was her mom's favorite color, or the name of a teddy bear I'd gotten for Christmas one year. We loved talking about these things. I loved that every day there was something new I found out about her life, that made me know her better than anyone else could.

But this night, it didn't matter that her mom's favorite color was red, and that that was the reason she liked to keep her room the same color. It didn't matter that she was the only one who knew I once heard my parents fighting, and blaming their own problems on me, the 11-year-old who was listening to everything. None of it mattered, because even though I knew most of her past, lately I felt like her present was slipping away. I didn't know how the internship was going, I didn't know at what time she woke up, I didn't know if she liked her boss, or even if she planned on staying in LA even after summer was over. I didn't know why she was mad at Lucas. There was too much I didn't know, and it made me feel uneasy, cause I wasn't used to that. It scared me.

I left my thoughts drift, and I ended up falling asleep before I thought I would. When I woke up the next day, I turned to the other side and was more than surprised to see the familiar blond curls all over the pillow. Her face was turned to my side, her eyes closed in a peaceful sleep. I should be mad, I kept telling myself that. I didn't know why it was so important for me to be mad at her right now, but I knew it was. Probably because if I wasn't, I'd end up kissing her at that moment, while she still slept, and hoping she'd wake up and start kissing me back, leaving all the problems and complications behind. Before I knew it, I was touching her hair softly and smiling like an idiot. When she started to stir, I retreated and stayed in the same position as her, our eyes meeting as soon as she opened her own. She took my hand and placed it back on her head, almost unconsciously, silently asking me to keep stroking her hair. It always had a soothing effect on her. I smiled and couldn't help but do as she wanted.

"You stole my bed", I stated, making her laugh.

"Well, only half of it", she shrugged and we stood like that, just looking at each other, trying to read each other's minds, while my hand distractively brushed through her curly hair. It wasn't easy like it used to be, but we could still do it. She saw it in my eyes that I was happy she was there, I saw it in hers that she was happier at that moment than she had been for quite some time. Weeks, maybe. So why couldn't things be this simple with everything else, too?

"Nightmares?" I asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

She shook her head slightly. "Not really. But the conversation with Lucas didn't go so well, and I didn't wanna be alone."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I raised my eyebrow. That was the drill, or at least it'd always been. Neither of us would mind to be woken up in the middle of the night if the other one needed to talk.

"Cause you were mad at me enough as it was."

"True", I said it before I could even think. She was a little taken aback by it. I took a deep breath and tried to fix it. We didn't need that, we didn't need to make the growing distance between us even wider. "But since we're both here anyway, you might as well tell me what's bothering you. What did Lucas say?"

"I think…" she started, and I felt that her tears weren't gonna take long to start forming, "I think he kinda broke up with me."

I stood still. Very, very still. I wanted to move, and say something, and ask more, but I simply couldn't. I had mixed feelings right now, and didn't know which of them to show and which to keep to myself. "What do you mean, 'kinda'? What did you say? Didn't say you say you were here with me?"

"No. I mean, I just said I was at a friend's, a female friend, and I'd stay the night and we'd talk in the morning. Then I said I was sorry, and that I was gonna make things right again, but he said he wasn't sure that was still possible", she let the tears come this time, and I immediately recognized what I felt. My heart broke for her. I couldn't be happy that they were having problems, not knowing she was feeling this way.

"Then I guess you should go back home right now and fix this. Don't you?" I looked at the ceiling while the words left my lips. I couldn't think much, cause if I did, I'd probably change my mind again.

"Yeah, I guess…" I recognized the insecurity in her voice, and almost said something to encourage her, but ended up remaining silent, selfishly hoping she would cave in to those insecurities and decide to stay.

But she got up instead, got her clothes that were hanging outside my closet, and made her way to the bathroom. When she got back, she had both her hands in her pockets, I was sitting by the bed, studying her expression.

"So…" she started, "Thanks, you know, for, taking care of me…" she looked at her own feet as the words left her lips. "I know you weren't exactly happy to do it."

I sighed and got up, gently wrapping my arms around her in a hug, surprising not only my blond friend, but also myself. She soon hugged me back and let her head rest comfortably on my shoulder.

"I wasn't happy about it cause it shouldn't be me taking care of you", she tensed at my words, but I wasn't being harsh. I softly pulled away and looked at her carefully, "It's you. You're the one who should take care of yourself. And it doesn't mean I don't care, Peyton, cause I do. It just means that I can't care for the both of us. No one can help you if you don't help them help you."

"I know", she nodded, even though she was still avoiding my gaze.

I sighed hard once again, knowing I'd soon regret the words that were about to leave my mouth. "You have to let Lucas help you. Cause you know things won't get better till you do."

She nodded again, and didn't say another word for a few minutes. "Will I see you again? Before you go back?"

Her question wasn't exactly easy to answer. It'd involve me, making a decision. Maintaining what I'd decided back home, before she came, or acknowledging it was too hard, and changing my mind.

"You've got my cell number and you know where I'm staying", I shrugged, deciding to let the decision up to her for once.

The small smile that formed on her lips indicated that we'd probably still see each other. She said goodbye and called a cab.

Next big thing on my to-do list was calling Vince and Julie's house. We met for lunch in a place nearby and they were totally cool with everything. Didn't even make many questions when they saw how uncomfortable I was with the whole situation.

"So… is she ok now?" Julie asked carefully, carrying two bags of clothes we'd been buying for the past hour and a half.

"I think so. She's just a little lost."

"So why are you here with me and not with your best friend, helping her find her way back?"

See, when I said before that the girl could be annoying, that's what I was talking about. Ok, maybe not really. The girl had a point. I mean, to her, who didn't know the entire story, it made all the sense in the world that I should be attached to my best friend, cause she needs help now. I couldn't blame Julie for asking. And by now she was already comfortable enough to ask me these kinds of questions.

"She needed some time with her boyfriend", I couldn't hide the hint of sadness at those words. And she noticed.

"Can he help her the way you can?"

"I hope so…" I sighed before turning back to the young girl beside me and raising my eyebrow, "And since when are so you perceptive?"

She shrugged, "Since always. Plus, you're not the only one with a troubled best friend", she faced me with a sad smile.

"Sorry, didn't know. You wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now", her expression soon changed back to happy, as if she'd just remembered she was on the streets, surrounded by a bunch of people, and was supposed to be smiling all the time. Just like I did. "But I do wanna take a look at those shoes", she pointed at the store across the street, and I followed her there, any sign of previous concern or fear once again well hidden behind a perfect smile.

Eight bags for her, three for me. That was the result of our little shopping spree. Old Brooke would've bought the triple of that, but my heart wasn't in it that day. That was why I decided to go back home as soon as Tom left Julie at her place.

When I got there and Janet told me there was a friend waiting for me in the living room, I took a deep breath and tried to get ready to see her again. A million thoughts flew through my head, as to what I should say now, and how to act around her. But I didn't have to decide any of that at the moment, and I didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing. Cause Peyton wasn't the one waiting for me. It was Vincent.

"Hey", I smiled, hugging him, "You've been here long? Should've called, you knew I was with Julie, right?"

"Yeah, I just… I got here like 10 minutes ago, and called Julie and she told me you'd dropped her off, so I figured you'd be home soon", his voice let out a bit of nervousness I wish I hadn't caught. Because that meant he was here to talk about the one thing I desperately needed to avoid.

"Oh… good, then. Any plans for tonight?"

"Actually…" he moved his fingers nervously, "That's kind of up to you."

There was still a tiny chance he wasn't gonna ask me out. Ok, who was I kidding? _Of course _he was gonna ask me out. But that didn't mean I couldn't pretend I was totally dense and still hadn't understood it.

"You mean, you're gonna let me choose the club we're going to tonight? Wow, that's new!" I joked.

"Not really… I was wondering if… if maybe you wanted to go out with me. I mean, just the two of us. We could go have dinner, maybe see a movie later on. I know you've been laying low in the party scenario lately, so…"

It's not easy to explain everything I felt at the same time. Peyton's face was the first one to come to my head. But then Lucas' face also came, and I remembered the tone on his voice when he talked about her, the loving way he looked at her, the smile on her face when she saw him, and I knew I needed to start getting over her. Or at least try. Cause until I went to California, I wasn't even trying. I was trying to deny those feelings, and the only thing it did for me was getting me drunk and sleeping with strangers. I needed to accept them once and for all, so that I could work on getting rid of them. And why not start right now?

"I'd like that", I finally replied, when I thought he was about to pass out because of my silence.

"Really?" his huge smile made me even more comfortable with the whole idea. "Cause you know, I wasn't sure, after everything that's happened, but I thought you could use a break from everything, and…"

"Vince…" I interrupted him, amused by his capacity of babbling, which almost matched mine, and turned a bit more serious, "You know you've been a life saver for me here, right? Last summer, and now. If I didn't have your place to run to, and a friend to talk to, I'm pretty sure I would've had a stroke by now."

I had more things to say, but couldn't, cause his kiss took me by surprise. But the biggest surprise was that I kissed him back, and this time I wasn't drunk or crazy, I simply felt like doing so. There was no denying he was a great kisser.

Before I knew it, he was kissing my neck and our hands were everywhere. It was different than being with those other guys. He was someone I trusted, someone I actually cared about, and I hadn't felt this way since Lucas. For a split second, Peyton was out of my mind. But it didn't last long. Because when I pulled away from his kiss just long enough to smile at him, I saw someone else standing by the doorway. And she looked even more embarrassed than I was.

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_Thank you guys, so much for the latest feedback. And you should know that it helped a lot, and my writer's block is now over! Well, at least for now it is. So, seeing as I didn't reply to any of the reviews (or at least I don't think I did), I'll leave you nice little messages here!_

_**craftyns99:** You got that right about Peyton being afraid to admit, or even acknowledge what she's feeling! It's gonna take a while, but she'll get there! _

_**justawritier, E. Christianna **and **Brook-Lucas-Fan-23: **Thank you so much for the support, and I hope you'll keep reading and enjoying the story._

_**TheLyricsThatComposeXMyLifeX: **Well, my writer's block's cured for now, and I didn't need any tarot cards! LOL! But I'll keep that in mind in case it happens again, hehe! Awww I'm so honored that this is on your top 5 stories! I hope I won't disappoint you with the next chapters!_

_**rain1657:** I don't think I've ever cared so much about a story, and about writing it the best way I can, as I'm doing to this one. So it's good to know you think the characters have the depth I was hoping to bring to the story, and that the feelings are getting across. Of course Brooke's issues are at the spotlight a lot more, cause it's on her POV, but Peyton's will be better shown and explained, all in its time._

_**bohemianxx: **Awww I'm glad I made you're rooting for them more than ever before! Your reviews always make me smile, and I'm not lying when I say I have the best reviewers ever! And since a lot of the people here are writers, too, I guess you all understood well why I hadn't updated before. Hope you're happy with the new update! Let me know!_

_**Risen2Fall: **One of my top reviewers! I missed getting pm's from you! But I just read yours and I'm so replying tomorrow! Anyway, the story... things are definitely going somewhere as from this chapter, and the next one's gonna be pretty intense, too, probably the most intense one so far. That was the part I was having problem continuing (next chapter), but it's all good now! I hope you're less distracted so that you can update again soon, cause I already miss your story!_

_**chiggy1960: **Breyton really is like that, isn't it? Full of angst and so much emotion. I'm happy I'm being able to show all that through this story, and that you think it's realistic. Exactly what I was going for! So thank you a lot!_

_**paulinemcc: **I feel like the worst person in the world cause I STILL haven't reviewed your story! Things are a little crazy, but I'll try and do that tomorrow, tops! So... I had a hard time writing the scene where Brooke tells Peyton to sleep in another room, cause I seriously didn't want that:p But you know by now that I'm all about the drama! So you're full on blaming Lucas, huh? I just wrote a chapter, like two or three chapters from now, I think, and you're definitely not gonna like the guy any better than you do now. If anything, you'll probably write like three paragraphs on how much you hate him on the review for said chapter! Ohhh and see? About Peyton sneaking into Brooke's room? When I read your review I was like: yay, she guessed it! Hope you liked it! Of course the kissing and making it all better still didn't happen, but just give it some time! And with that said, I'll politely ask you to update your story asap, cause I also miss it! See how I'm not threatening you anymore? Something called moderation, or something, read about it the other day and thought I should try! LOL!_

_**lizbif: **As always, your review rocked! You got Brooke's confused feelings right on spot. Brooke's really trying to be strong about everything, but at the same time it's not easy to let someone you love this much go, and she's learning it the hard way. So she's confused as to what to do, or even if she should think of Peyton first, and stick by her to help with the drugs and everything, or think of herself and walk away. And Alanis Morissette! I absolutely love _You Owe Me Nothing In Return_, and you're right, it fits the story and Brooke's character so well. And it probably already shows that she'll be there for her, no matter what, and even if it hurts her. The reviews certainly helped a lot in get this story going, they always do. And your reviews are always a huge part of this, so thanks!_

_**Shawn-n-Bell: **No need to apologize, I totally understand about being busy and almost going crazy because of it. I'm glad you found some time to come here and review, though. Best Breyton fic you've read? Wow, I'm feeling all proud of myself with those reviews lately. Thanks a lot for the support!_

_Special mention to **Ally**, cause I know she reads this but doesn't always get the time to review. Your support and your words always mean a lot to me. ;-) I read your e-mail, but I still didn't get the time to sit and reply properly, but I will. And I hope you're ok and that you're still reading._

_That's it, you guys! I'm really hoping next chapter will be up in a week, tops, as usual! No more late updates!_


	12. Ignore the Feeling

_Here's a big chapter for the story! But I won't give anything away, so read it and let me know what you thought of it. So... how about the cutest Breyton scene on this week's episode, huh? I was missing some quality Breyton being there for each other kinda thing, we hadn't had that the last couple of weeks. And I realize this can get repetitive, but huge thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this story! Onto the chapter now!_**

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**Chapter 11 – Ignore the feeling**

"Peyton!" I almost jumped out of the couch when I saw her there. Vince and I were suddenly very aware of the compromising position we found ourselves in. He blushed, and I found myself thinking he looked really cute when he did it. But then I instantly let my thoughts drift back to the girl standing not too far from me.

"I'm sorry, I'm obviously interrupting something, so I'll just go…"

She turned to leave, but before she did, I noticed she'd been crying. And it took me back to that day in my house, when I'd just gotten back together with Felix. She needed me, but when she saw him there, she went away, and I let her. And later on I found out she went to Rick that day. The situation was too similar, and I wasn't gonna risk it.

"Peyton, wait!"

She didn't turn, just like the last time. But this time I kept going till I reached her and made her turn back around. The tears that had fallen from her eyes before were making a comeback.

"What happened?" I asked, not letting go of her arm, afraid that she'd try to leave again. She kept silent, looking down, so I led her back in the living room.

Vincent was taking his coat and getting ready to leave, more than embarrassed by the situation. I let go of Peyton for a moment and got closer to him. "I'm sorry about this, but I have to make sure she's ok", he nodded and smiled, letting me know he understood.

"We're still on for tonight, though?" he didn't seem too sure when he asked me. I smiled and took both my hands to his face, pecking him quickly on the lips.

"Yeah, we are. I'll see you later?"

"I'll stop by around 9 to pick you up, ok?"

I confirmed his plans with a nod, and he left, saying a quick goodbye to Peyton. She waved at him and mustered a smile.

"So… you're dating now?" she wasn't happy, really. Even though she was trying to hide it, it was obvious.

"He just asked me out", it was way too awkward to talk to her about this, so I decided to change the subject fast, "How about you and Lucas? You talked?"

She kept looking at the direction Vince had just headed out to, her mind seemed really far away, and I wondered if she was even listening to me. "Peyton?" I snapped my fingers in front of her and it seemed to have gotten her attention back.

"Sorry… Yeah, we tried, you know? He asked me where I was, why I hadn't gone back home last night. I ended up telling him about the coke, I mean, I had to, right? I couldn't lie to him, and I didn't want to…" she started, but was interrupted when my parents walked into the house.

"Peyton?" my mother was a little confused to see her there, and I was even more confused that she even remembered who Peyton was. They didn't usually pay attention to those little 'details' in my life, like who my best friend was.

"Hey, Mrs. Davis, Mr. Davis", she greeted them both and quickly tried to wipe the tears from her face.

"You're staying in LA? Brooke didn't mention anything", my father was nicer, so much nicer than my mother. Neither of us replied, so he smiled and checked his watch, "Anyway, dinner shouldn't take long, you wanna join us?"

"Actually", I made myself heard before anyone replied to that, "I made plans with Vincent, for dinner", my eyes avoided Peyton's as I noticed she was looking down. "But Peyton and I do need to talk, so we'll just go to my room, ok?"

"Fair enough… good seeing you, Peyton", my father smiled warmly, which was kinda weird for him. Still, it'd be even more scary of it was my mother being this nice.

"Brooke", I closed my eyes when Victoria's voice filled the room, right after I turned around to go upstairs, "About this… dinner of yours. I don't really like this Vincent kid. You know, his parents aren't exactly…"

"Don't even start it, mother", I tried to keep from yelling at her. "Vince's a great guy, and since when do you care, anyway?"

"I'm your mother, of course I…"

"Look, can we save this for later? Please?" I shifted my head on Peyton's direction, hoping my mother would get the hint. Not that Peyton hadn't seen discussions like that before, but that didn't mean she liked seeing them. Or that I liked having them with parents who pretended to care about me, but were certainly more worried about it because they probably didn't like Vincent's parents for some shallow reason. And seeing how his parents treated their kids, and how they were nice and sweet to everyone, that was probably it. Surely those people wouldn't be considered good enough to be my parents' friends. And, in my book, that was another very good reason to assume he was a great guy, and his family was awesome. Another 'pro' on the huge pro/con list I was already making in my head, from the moment he asked me out.

Victoria's cell phone rang before she could answer me, and of course she picked it up. Business was more important and, for the first time, I was thankful for that. I climbed the stairs, with Peyton following, and closed the door when we were both inside my room.

"Sorry about the parents. I hadn't seen them in like two days, don't know what came over them that they decided to act nice for a change. Well, my dad, at least."

"Brooke, I know your parents, I've seen the act before, you don't have to apologize", she chuckled and I smiled, both of us relaxing a little.

"So… you told him… and what happened?" I went back to the subject.

Her smile faded immediately, she sat on my bed and sighed. "He was so… angry. I mean, I expected him to be angry, like you were, and I get it, but he wouldn't even talk about anything else after that. And then he asked if I'd done it before, you know, before I knew he was coming. I don't even know what he meant by that! Of course I wouldn't start taking drugs because I learned my boyfriend was coming to visit."

"So why did you?" I took one more attempt at getting her to say something. "It is pretty coincidental, don't you think?"

"You wouldn't get it, never mind", she rolled her eyes, and that was when I got mad.

"I wouldn't get it? You did not just say that to me!"

"I'm sorry, I just don't wanna talk about it right now."

"So why _are_ you here? And most importantly, how did you two leave things?"

"I sort of… left right in the middle of the conversation. Right after he called me stupid and a hypocrite", she laughed bitterly.

"Well, I called you both these things and you didn't leave", I shrugged.

"Yeah… it's just different."

Second time she said that when I somehow compared myself to Lucas. And it was also the second time I chose to ignore that feeling that told me it meant something.

"Once again I'll say it. Why don't you go home and try to fix this? You keep coming here as if I could magically make things better…"

"What if…" she struggled with herself, trying to decide whether not to say what was coming next. She finally sighed and faced me, biting her lower lip, "What if I don't wanna fix it?"

Realization hit me as I saw it in her eyes. Lucas was not the reason she'd been feeling that way. He wasn't the reason for her tears. It was something deeper, way deeper than that. But I was too scared to ask what that was.

"You don't want to?" I asked carefully, and she replied with the same caution.

"I don't know. That's the thing, sometimes I think I don't, sometimes I miss him so much it hurts me."

"What did you say to him before you left?"

"I said I love him, and that it should be enough."

"Sometimes it's not", I whispered, more to myself than to her.

"And than he said that, exactly", she laughed bitterly right after my words. "Wow… I keep screwing things up, huh?" I knew she wasn't just referring to Lucas, and I had to look the other side. "I don't mean to, and I don't wanna hurt anyone, but it seems like people get hurt, anyway. Look, I'll just go and let you get ready for your date, ok?"

I sensed something in her voice. Or at least I thought I did. I didn't even know anymore, if I was actually getting these signs from her, or if it was just me, being too hopeful for my own good. And my greatest fear was to ask her, and have her tell me it was all in my head, and there were no signs. So I just kept my mouth shut. I'd hurt too much if I was wrong.

"I know the feeling", I said it before I could help myself, thinking back on what she saw when she got to my house earlier. She was about to leave already, but my words made her turn around.

"Brooke… I'm sorry."

I sat in bed and faced her with a confused expression. "What do you mean? Sorry for what?"

"Pretty much everything. Including this conversation. Sometimes I have to remind myself it's not easy for you to hear about it. But I let myself be a little selfish cause I miss this. I miss being able to talk to you about things, I miss having you close, I miss…" her words trailed off and ended almost in a whisper, "I just miss you."

"I'm not trying to make it hard on you, Peyton. In fact, I barely know what I'm doing lately. It's just too hard. I'm sorry, too, and I know it's not your fault, but it's too damn hard", I looked up and closed my eyes.

"Does it mean… Brooke, you're not saying we can't…" she couldn't finish her sentence, we were both too scared to say the words. "Just now, you were there, kissing that Vincent guy…"

"I think I am", I cried while I tried to explain, "I'm trying to move on, Peyton. But I'm not sure if I can do it if you're near me. It's not good for me, and it's not good for you, and I can't keep doing this. I care about you so much, I love you so much, and I kept telling myself we could be friends, and I was ok with it, but it kills me, Peyton", my cries suddenly turned into sobs as I simply let it all out, once and for all. She listened, quietly, too shocked to say anything. "It's killing me, slowly, each day, and I don't know what's worse, if it's being away from you or having you so close, and yet so out of my reach."

At that moment she took my hand in hers and guided it to her heart. "I'm right here, Brooke. And more importantly, so are you. Right here", she touched her chest once again, as if to make sure I understood it, her voice calm and soothing. "You're the most important part of me. Isn't that enough?" her tears fell, too, hard. I untangled my fingers from hers and reached my hand to her face, to wipe them away. When I did it, she moved her head closer to mine. I didn't understand what was going on until her lips met with mine, in a soft, loving, tender kiss. It was amazing how, in a two second kiss, I felt so much more than I did making out with Vince for ten minutes. That this simple, short kiss sent shivers down my spine, in a way no other kiss could ever do. And it made me realize the difference. I could go out with Vincent, I could even date him, maybe love him, eventually, but it'd never be the same. When she pulled away slowly, I kept my eyes closed, afraid to open them again, afraid to speak, to question, or hear what she was certainly gonna say.

"Peyton?" It took all of my courage to face her, look into her eyes. Or at least try, cause she was avoiding my gaze. "What…?"

"I'm sorry."

And then my heart sank. Somehow I knew this was coming, but it didn't make me feel any better. I let out a desperate laugh and let the tears keep falling. There was no use in keeping them in anymore. She didn't know what she was doing, and she acted on impulse. The impulse I'd fought so much over the last months. And it was even worse now. To let go, to be away. This kiss made it all so much harder.

"Peyton, why did you do this? You had no right to…"

"I know. I didn't mean to… I don't wanna hurt you even more. I think I should go", she got her purse and went in the door's direction. Once again, the explanations were never given.

"What about the drugs?" I asked quietly, and wasn't sure she'd listened till I heard her sigh. I waited till she turned around to go on. "You have to promise me you'll stop. You have to look at me and promise you're done with that crap. You're gonna have to deal with things some other way, some way that won't hurt you. I'm not letting you go till you promise me that."

She stopped between my bed and the door and wiped more tears from her face. "I promise", from the brief moment she actually faced me, I knew she meant it, I knew she was gonna keep the promise. "Goodbye, Brooke."

I didn't say it back, cause I couldn't. How could I? How could I say goodbye to Peyton, of all people? I knew what the word meant when it left her lips. It meant that was it. When she was finally out of my sight, I kept listening to her footsteps distancing themselves. Away from my life, maybe for good. How could I sit there and watch it happen, let it happen this way?

"Peyton!" I called quietly, but she probably didn't listen, "PEYTON!" I yelled this time, getting up and running to the front door. I didn't know what I was gonna say, but I couldn't leave things this way. Watching her getting away like that was too much for me.

But I didn't see her anywhere, and started to panic. Till I saw her walking quickly, distancing herself from the house, before she fell to her knees and cried, right in the middle of the sidewalk. I ran to her, she was startled when she saw me there. But I kneeled in front of her and she threw herself in my arms. I held her as close as possible, as tight as possible, and I felt that I could never let her go. She brought her hand to the back of my head and brushed through my hair softly.

"I can't stay away from you, so please, Brooke… please, don't ask me to. There has to be a way", she spoke as I cried on her shoulder, her voice not much better than my own. "Please tell me we'll find a way."

I held her even closer, even though I didn't think it was possible. But I didn't say the words she wanted to hear. I couldn't stand lying to her anymore, or even to myself. Because I knew there was no way, at least not at this moment.

"Don't ask me that, Peyton. Don't ask me to lie to you", I managed to say, surprising her with my honesty. "Come here", I got up and reached my hand to help her do the same, "You shouldn't go alone, I can ask our driver to take you home."

"Brooke…" she whispered with a weak voice.

"Peyton, I… I don't know anything anymore."

Honesty. I couldn't stumble over my feelings anymore. I couldn't ignore the fact that this was tearing me apart. And even though I needed her around, I wasn't so sure anymore if I could stand it. Not this way.

We went back inside to wash our faces, as soon as I walked inside, I was handed the phone.

"Hey…" Vincent started, sounding a bit nervous, "so I was just wondering, is it ok if we get a rain check on that dinner? Cause some friends of my parents just showed up, and we hadn't seen them in a long time, so they're insisting that we have a decent family dinner…"

I thought it was a weird reason to cancel a date, and figured there had to be more to it. But with the way things were going with me, it probably wouldn't have been the best day for a date.

"Alright… how about tomorrow? Don't forget you only have a few more days with me, unless you can convince me to stay longer!" he laughed on the other side, causing me to do the same.

"I'll keep that in mind when I'm planning our date."

"You do that. See you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah, see ya."

"Tell Julie I said hi."

I hung up and took Peyton's hand so that we could go wash our faces. I supported my hands on the bathroom sink and looked down, trying to get my thoughts straight. Biting my lower lip, I could still feel a bit of her strawberry lip gloss, and it brought all the feelings back. Not that they'd ever left. It actually just made them stronger.

"How did things get so messed up?" she exhaled deeply and leaned against the sink, beside me.

"Well, probably when I decided I couldn't keep my big mouth shut", I attempted to laugh, but didn't really succeed.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Brooke. If you hadn't told me anything, you still would've kept your distance, only difference would be that I wouldn't know the real reason. It'd probably be even worse, for both of us. I just wish things could be like before, you know?"

"You have no idea how much I do, too."

With a heavy sigh, she took her hands to her face once again, taking a stray hair away. "So… no big date tonight?"

"Not tonight…" I closed my eyes, still trying to decide whether this was a bad or a good thing. "Which probably means I'll have to deal with the parents at dinner. You wanna stay and help me out? I mean, my father did invite you, after all."

I felt like someone should come and grab my shoulders, shake me and say it. _What the hell are you doing?_ And I had no idea. I took it as one last desperate attempt to see if things could be ok, if I could still have Peyton in my life without it hurting too much. I had to try. I couldn't throw 10 years of friendship away like that without at least trying a little harder.

She smiled widely, and nodded, but I saw she was also a bit scared. She knew it was like a last shot we were taking. But the worst thing was that there was nothing none of us could do to try and make it ok. We could just let things happen, and wait to see how it felt.

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_Don't worry about the lack of reactions and even explanations from Peyton. Her behavior will make more sense once she understands her feelings better, cause until she does, she can barely explain them to herself. That's what I'm going for, here. Hope you liked it. It's a really important chapter to the story, so I'm excited to see what you guys thought of it!_


	13. Broken

**Chapter 12 – Broken**

Silence. I was never a fan of it, but it was like a tradition, whenever I was around my parents. Anyone who knew me from school wouldn't believe Brooke Davis could be so quiet around someone. But when my parents were around, that was the way things were. Only difference is that Peyton also wasn't used to it. Because whenever I dragged her along in an oh-so-pleasant family dinner like this one, I let myself forget, for a little while, that they were there, and I'd babble about the food, or make fun of some weird foreign name of the dessert the cook prepared. She was standing right across from me at the big fancy wooden table, but our eyes never really met. Suddenly she found my dad's conversation really interesting and the two of them were discussing some boring subject I could care less about.

No way. There was no way a simple meal would fix something this complex, something that had changed so deeply between us, and left me so broken. I looked at her and tried to take mental pictures of her. Of her smile, her hair, her eyes. Tried to memorize the sound of her voice and the way she laughed. She was so absorbed in the conversation she was having that she didn't notice. She didn't notice that I was silently saying goodbye. I didn't know about the future, but I knew that now, at that very moment, there was no way out. My heart was begging me not to let her go, and for the longest time I listened to it. But my mind was screaming, and it got to a point when it became unbearable. I had to be rational this time, because, if I didn't, I would fall apart completely. Soon.

I didn't have to explain any of this to her. She felt it, too. By the time dinner was over and we got up, she took her purse and headed to the front door.

"So… that's it?" she choked on her own words, even though she knew we were both doing the right thing. Or at least we both hoped we were.

"For now… yeah, I guess it is", saying it this way made it seem a little less painful. Just something temporary. It gave me the hope that one day things were gonna be better again between us. I couldn't do this if I didn't let myself hope that they would.

There were no tears this time. At least no shed tears, cause there were sure a lot of them being held in.

"Brooke… you have to know that… if you ever need anything…"

"I know", I closed my eyes and nodded slowly, "I know that. You too, you know?"

"Yeah."

With that, we hugged, a long hug, neither of us wanting to let go of the other, but knowing it was necessary. She was, I guess, even more lost than I was, and I couldn't help thinking I was dragging her down with me. If we didn't stay apart for a while, we'd both fall.

She finally left. I wanted Tom to drive her home, but she said a walk would probably be good for her. To my surprise, I watched her go and couldn't feel a thing. I was numb. And it was a blessing, at the moment. I went to my room, changed into a night gown and stood in bed, staring at the ceiling. My mind was blank, it was the strangest feeling in the world. I was used to blocking my feelings and even ignoring them, but this time it was like they did it themselves. I couldn't even access those feelings, I couldn't even feel them inside of me this time, and, even though it should scare me, it felt relieving.

I fell asleep at some point, and stayed in bed a lot longer than usual. I wasn't hungry, so when I was told lunch was served, I didn't move. None of my parents made a point in making me eat, too. I found myself lying in bed, listening to music. Of course, _my_ kind of music, but still, it felt something very Peyton Sawyer-y for me to do. I was losing it, for sure.

I barely noticed the time passing, till I looked at the clock and saw the time: 7pm. Vince would pick me up in 2 hours and I hadn't even thought of what to wear. Hell, I hadn't even eaten anything. I made a mental note to grab a toast or something before getting changed. Wouldn't wanna risk passing out in the middle of the date. A date I wasn't even sure I should go to.

Ultimately, I decided I should. Maybe getting out of the house would do me some good. The company wasn't bad, either. I picked up something to eat, I could barely keep it down, but somehow I managed to. Within the next hour and a half, I got dressed and started putting on some make up.

He was right on time, and I found myself actually glad to be around him again. Mostly because it didn't involve any drama. At least not yet.

"I'm sorry about yesterday", I started, once we got settled at our table in a nice, quiet restaurant and ordered.

"It's ok… You two talked? Had some time to figure things out?"

"Yeah, in a way, we did", I replied, quietly, "Not in the way I intended, but still." There was something on the way he asked the question… I couldn't quite point out what was it, but there was definitely something. Until things became a little clearer. "There was no visit from old friends of your parents yesterday, was there?" I asked with a small smile, suddenly understanding things better.

He smiled back shyly, and looked back at me. "Not really. It was a pretty lame excuse, wasn't it? It's just, when I left, I saw it in the way you were looking at her, that you two needed more than an hour or two. So I thought I'd give you some space."

"That's sweet. Thanks", I smiled truthfully at him, and he held my stare for a while, "And honestly, I wouldn't have been the best date yesterday, so it was probably good for you, too. But let's not talk about that now…"

We talked. Pretty much about silly things, and I was glad to be in a conversation that didn't involve messed up feelings and heartbreaking doubts for once. But still, I couldn't feel a thing. I smiled, I even laughed from time to time, and it was good to be around him, but it was like I was empty. It wasn't sadness, really, so that was a plus. I was honestly enjoying his company, but couldn't feel anything more than that.

"I had fun today, Brooke", he said it while parking his car in front of my house, "I know it's cliché that a guy says that right at the end of a date, but I really did, so…" he shrugged, smiling nervously.

"I had fun, too", I smiled back. I wasn't lying, it was fun. He was the sweetest guy, and it wasn't his fault that I was so messed up I couldn't even appreciate it completely. But that was the truth. In a normal day, I'd be going crazy waiting to kiss him again. But after kissing her, it was like no other kiss would ever mean as much. And that should hurt, but hurting meant feeling something, so it didn't. It should've made me scared that I would never have that anymore. But again, being scared also meant feeling something.

"But…?"

He surprised me with the word. "What makes you think there is a 'but'?"

"You were a little off today", he said quietly. I tried to assure him of something not even I was sure of.

"Just some off couple of days lately. Being with you made it a lot better, though", I risked a smile. It wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be, and he seemed to relax a little. Leaning a little bit towards me, he kissed me again. And again, it was good. But nothing more than that. I started kissing him back, desperately hoping that something would sparkle inside of me. Hoping that, like magic, just like that, some feeling would awaken and make me give into the kiss completely and forget about her.

But it didn't.

He softly pulled away after a while and faced me with a happy expression that I tried to return, something I couldn't fully manage to do. But it seemed to have gone unnoticed by him.

"So… any chance we'll be doing this…"

He couldn't finish his sentence, cause a cab parked right behind us, and we heard a door being slammed. I looked around, startled to see Lucas coming in my direction as I left Vincent's car. He didn't look happy, either.

"What did you do?" he rushed his steps and came closer till our faces were inches apart. I almost didn't recognize this guy standing in front of me. For a moment, I even thought he was gonna punch me or something. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" He yelled, this time.

I didn't know what to do, and I wasn't sure I even understood where all this anger was coming from. I tried to think of what to say, but before I could open my mouth, Vince grabbed Lucas by his shirt and pushed him away from me.

"What do you think you're doing? Get away from her!" then he turned back to me quickly, "Who the hell is this guy?"

"That's… Lucas", I replied, quietly.

"Lucas? Peyton's boyfriend, Lucas?"

"No… actually…" he got closer to us again, Vincent stood in front of me protectively, but I stood beside him, letting him know it was ok. It was then that I noticed Lucas was drunk. Really drunk. "Peyton's _ex_."

His words hit me like a thousand Manolo Blahnik shoes. It wasn't even the words, or the news, really. It was the state he was in because of them. I felt bad for him, but only until he pointed his finger at me again, and asked in a tone that seemed calm, but it was actually pretty angry, but clearly restrained. "She said that she was here, with you. And that you talked. But you did something to her, because I'd never seen her like that before, and that's Peyton we're talking about. She's had her share of bad moments."

"You know what, Lucas? I _did_ do something! I helped! Or at least I tried to help, which is more than I can say about you. How could you not know, huh?" it was my turn to yell, and I didn't mind that it was already past 11, and that the whole neighborhood might hear me, "How could you not try and find out what was going on?"

"You think I didn't try? I asked her, I tried to talk…"

"You asked", I had to laugh at that, "You asked her? What's the matter with you? You think it's something she would've spilled out like that? You had to be there for her. When she called, you had to find out where she was and go get her. _That's_ what she needed, Lucas! Aren't you the big hero? Aren't you the one who's always trying to save everyone? So where were you when the psycho guy tried to kill us? And where were you when she started doing coke? Oh, that's right, you were right there!" the emotions soon made their comeback, and I understood why I was unconsciously blocking them. They were almost too much to take. "You were so close to her, and you did nothing! I wasn't even talking to her, _both times_, and I was there. So don't you dare coming here and blaming me for all of this. Cause newsflash, Lucas! _I've _had my share of bad moments these past months, too", I pointed to my own chest, emphasizing the words, "and I still found some way to try and be there for her when she really needed."

He stood in front of me, his face still showing all the built up anger, and yet it seemed like my words had some sobering effect on him. He didn't even seem that drunk anymore.

"Before all that", he started, using the same tone as before, "Right after the attack, and before she came to LA… something happened. I'm not that stupid, Brooke. We all noticed something happened, and it wasn't just the attack, but we thought we shouldn't mention, cause you two would talk about it when you were ready."

He didn't miss the astonishment that was pretty evident in my face now.

"But she wasn't the same. It was like she was hiding with me. And I thought it was because she missed you, so that's why I wanted you to come. Because you two simply don't work without each other, you're never ok without each other."

When the words left his lips, he was taken aback by his own realization, and I was about to have a heart attack. He faced me in disbelief. "Oh my god, that's it, isn't it?"

"Lucas, I don't wanna talk about this… not here, not now, alright?" I managed to say it, and that was when I noticed I was shaking.

"Brooke…" Vince poked me lightly and made me turn my attention to him, "Does he… does he actually mean what I think he means?"

"I can't believe this…" he went on, not letting me answer, "All this time, when we talked in Tree Hill, after she came to LA, the anger you felt, the way you broke down at the airport, why you two were acting weird around each other… it all adds up. All this time that we were talking and I tried to help you out, you were trying to steal my girlfriend from me?"

"Lucas…" the three of us turned as we heard her voice, to see her getting nearer. The one whose behavior and actions were causing all of the discussion in the first place. I didn't know why she was there, exactly. I didn't know if she went there looking for me, or if she somehow knew Lucas would be there. The one thing I knew was that I wouldn't be able to stand all of that much longer.

"Brooke… the three of you obviously need to talk, so I'm just gonna go."

"Vince, wait…" I reached out for his arm but he shook it away quickly.

"We'll talk later", he left, without another word. It wasn't fair on him, that he had all of this thrown his way like that, without any explanation. I had to talk to him about it and make him understand. But he was right… I needed to deal with the other two people first.

* * *

_Sorry it took me while longer than I expected. But it's here. It wasn't originally supposed to go this way, but as I started writing it, it seemed to make sense... Well, thank you guys so much for reviewing, you're the best! And please tell me what you thought of this chapter._


	14. Out of Love

**Chapter 13 – Out of love**

"Lucas, would you stop with that?" Peyton got closer to him, quickly, barely facing me. But she wasn't happy with him, either.

"No, I won't!" his voice was still strong, as he turned from her to me, "It's true, isn't it?"

"Lucas, I told you…" I tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen.

"I don't care! I want you to tell her right now", he leaned so that our faces were closer, and pointed at Peyton as he did so, "Tell her why you made her break up with me, tell her what a selfish, self centered…"

"Lucas, that's enough!" it was Peyton's turn to yell at him. Surprisingly, she snatched him away from me and positioned herself between us, right in front of me. Was she… protecting me? "Stop acting like a sad little teenage boy. She didn't _make_ me do anything."

"Right…" he rolled his eyes.

"What do you think, that I'm some kind of puppet Brooke controls? Huh? That she tells me what to do and how to feel?" she took a deep breath before starting to talk again, "But you know what, she did make me do something…"

"I knew it. So why don't you just save us some time and step away so that she can admit it herself…" he started to push Peyton to the side so that he could face me, but she didn't move. Good thing, too, cause I was pretty sure all the blood was drained from my face by now. "What are you doing, you just said…"

"I said she made me do something, and it's true. She made me go to you. She made me tell you about the drugs, she made me call you that night before I went to sleep, so that you wouldn't be worried sick all night", his face sunk with each sentence she spoke. "She made me go back home and try to fix things with you. That's what she did."

"But… why would she…? I mean, if she really feels…"

"Because she's my friend, Lucas! Because she didn't care how much it hurt her to say those things, as long as I was ok."

"So you knew? All this time…" he stared at his ex-girlfriend in disbelief.

"Yes, I knew", she replied, calmly, and stepped closer to him and whispered, "But that's none of your business."

She was pissed, I could tell. I liked pissed off Peyton, especially when I was the one whose side she was on. Otherwise, it wasn't exactly fun. I felt bad for Lucas for a second. He was hurting, he was still kinda drunk, and apparently he'd just broken up with his girlfriend without knowing the reason for sure. I couldn't say I wasn't curious, too.

"So that's why you broke up with me", he stated, as if the whole thing made sense now. For a moment I let myself believe he was right. And, for that blissful moment, my mind wondered through the what ifs. "So I was right, it was her fault."

"I broke up with you because I'm not in love with you anymore, Lucas, and you know that. I love you, but I'm not _in_ love with you. You know we've been drifting apart for a while now. You know things haven't been the same in a long time, but none of us had the courage to say it out loud", she screamed in complete honesty, which seemed to have shocked him.

"And whose fault is that, Peyton?" he shot back.

"Mine", she admitted, much to our surprise. But she wasn't sad or ashamed about it. She still had the defiant look on her face. "My fault. You didn't do anything wrong, but it happened. And if you wanna yell at someone, if you need to be angry cause you're hurting, that's ok, you can yell at me. But don't you dare pointing your finger at Brooke like that", she was the one who pointed her finger at him now, "Don't you dare."

It wasn't till he scoffed and shot me a grossed out look that I realized I was there, too, and I hadn't said anything through the whole thing. It almost felt like I was watching it on TV, without actually being a part of it. That didn't keep my stomach from turning every time he opened his mouth to say something, and it definitely didn't keep my heart from skipping with love and joy when I saw her defending me like that.

"Do you feel the same way as she does?" he asked her, his voice already giving away his exhaustion.

She sighed. "Stop doing that. Stop trying to find another reason for what happened. Things just weren't working out, Luke. I'm sorry if you're hurting right now, but that's the truth. I know it seems like it's not enough, but that's it. I didn't mean to make you feel like this, but I didn't choose to fall out of love, it just happened. No one can control this. Not me, not you, not Brooke… so you can't be mad at someone for what they feel or don't feel."

I couldn't help noticing that she didn't face me the entire time. She also never answered his question directly. I knew I was being stupid and maybe naïve, but I couldn't help letting myself feel, at every little hint, that maybe, just maybe, her answer to his question could be 'yes'.

"Lucas…" I risked saying something, my voice a little shaky. When he simply looked back at me and didn't yell or try to shove me, I went on, "I think… you should get some rest, stop and think for a while, before you say more things you're gonna regret saying, later."

I was surprised when he nodded and turned around, walking away without another word. He obviously wasn't taking the break up very well.

"I guess I should go, too", Peyton said, turning to face me, but not really doing so.

I noticed, then, how she was always showing up, since she knew I was in LA. I don't think a single day passed by that we didn't talk. There was always something that made her come back, whether it was her problems with Lucas, or the drugs, or, well… now. I was starting to get used to it again, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

"Thanks… I swear I was about to pass out when he figured things out", I said that last part quietly.

"We were talking, and the moment I said I'd been here, he changed completely. He took a bottle of whisky he was drinking and ran outside. I knew he was coming here, and I knew it wasn't gonna be pretty. Sorry it took me a while, I was gonna follow him right away, but I wasn't feeling too good."

"Why? What happened?" I immediately asked, forgetting everything else for a second.

She shrugged it off. "Nothing, just a little nervous, is all."

"Oh… good, then."

Silence again. I could tell she wanted to ask me something, or say something more, and I sure wanted to, too. We saw a cab turn the street and head our way.

"Guess that's my cue. Take care, ok?" she called the cab and it pulled up. She went inside and I waved softly. She never saw it.

I ran back inside the house, running past my parents. But I was stopped by my mother's hand gripping my arm.

"Brooke… your father and I were talking. And we think it'd be best if you went back to Tree Hill tomorrow. We know you don't even like being here, so…"

I let out the fakest laugh I could muster. Anyone who watched that scene would probably be thinking how considerate and thoughtful they were. But I knew they must've seen the commotion outside, and didn't wanna risk any gossip about the Davis family. Or maybe it was the fact that I'd went out on a date with Vincent and they were afraid we were gonna become a couple if they didn't do anything about it. Either way, they were so transparent it was ridiculous. I knew their main concern was anything but what I liked or didn't like. That wasn't important, though. Important thing was that I couldn't wait to go back, to get away from this city so that I wouldn't have to deal with everything. I didn't wanna call Vincent and apologize, and explain everything, too. That was why I simply nodded.

"I think that's a great idea. Thanks", I gave them a fake smile and went to my room.

As soon as I closed the door, I slowly leaned against it and slid to the floor, resting my forehead on my bended knees. I was tired, and I wanted nothing more than to just go home. But whenever I thought of the word 'home', all that came to my mind was Peyton's place, back in Tree Hill. I'd spent half of my life there, and it was the only place I felt truly comfortable in. It made me sad that I didn't even have a place of my own back there, even if it was just a room. Not that I'd prefer staying in the house of a thousand rooms I was currently in. I'd trade it for Rachel's place, or Haley's couch anytime. With a sigh, I got up and headed to the closet, to pack my stuff. The first plane to Tree Hill departed right after lunch the next day. And I was gonna be on it.

The ringing phone pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked at it quickly and saw Julie's name on the screen. I let it ring for a while, unsure of what to do. Vincent had probably gotten home already, and told her all about what happened. They were close like that. So if he was still as mad as he made it look like when he left, chances were, she was, too. When the music didn't stop, I picked it up and took a deep breath before saying anything.

"Finally!" the girly voice on the other side said in annoyance. "I was about to give up and try again in about 5 or 10 seconds."

She didn't seem angry. Actually, there was something in her voice that made it seem even sweeter than normal. I started to wonder if he'd even told her a thing.

"So…" she started again, noticing my silence, "Vince told me what happened… or, well, at least the parts that he could understand…" I closed me eyes. Here it was. The verbal shooting was gonna start. "And I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

Whoa! "Really?" I asked, confused with her question, "Well, yeah, I mean… I've been better", after a moment of silence, I decided to suck it up and just ask her about him, "How is he? Is he too mad at me?"

"A little… well, a lot, really. But that's just him, being a guy."

I smiled at the way she described her brother's feelings. "And you… you're not mad at me?"

"I don't really understand what's going on. I mean, he said that you… well, it's a little weird, and maybe he got it all wrong, but…"

"No, he didn't, Julie. Well, at least if you mean about my feelings for Peyton, he didn't. And that's why things are so messed up right now. Because Lucas thinks that I betrayed him, that I wanted to steal her away from him, and I never meant to cause all of this, you know? I just… she was so mad at me, and I thought that if I just told her the whole thing, it'd make things better, it'd make her understand, but it hasn't been working that well lately."

It was so weird that the person I was telling all of this to was a fifteen year old girl I knew for less than a week. Not Haley, not Nathan, or Rachel, or Mouth. I didn't even trust her that much. I liked her a lot, sure, but I didn't really know if I could trust her. But truth was that I wasn't in a place where I could afford to be picky. She already knew about the situation, she cared enough to call to see if I was ok, so she was good enough.

"Wow…" she stood in silence, and I almost thought she'd hung up on me, till she started talking again, "You know, and here I thought _my_ best friend had problems."

I allowed myself to laugh and lighten up a little. "Yeah, well…" I shrugged, even though she couldn't see it.

"So, what do you say we meet for lunch tomorrow and talk about this thing? I mean, if you want to. I don't wanna push it or anything, if you're not comfortable talking about it."

"About that…" I stopped for a moment, she just waited for me to say something else, "I'm going home tomorrow, plane leaves at 2. So I'm sorry, but there's no time for lunch. I'll just grab a bite at the airport."

"Tomorrow? I thought you were staying for a few more days", she sounded sad about it, and it made me feel sad for the first time, about leaving like that.

"I'm sorry, Julie… But I can't stay here anymore, not after everything. Actually, if it was up to me I'd be flying somewhere else, somewhere I didn't know anyone. Cause once I'm home, I'll have to tell me friends… something. And pretty soon Lucas will be there, too, if he already isn't…"

"I understand. But you weren't even gonna say goodbye?"

"Of course I was, sweetie", I allowed a small smile to form on my lips, "It was just too fast, I just decided this."

"Good."

"So, you wanna meet me at the airport tomorrow, like 12:30? I always like to get there earlier. Plus, we can have lunch there, and talk for a bit before I have to board."

"Ok, that's cool. And Brooke? What about Vince? What do I tell him?" she approached the subject carefully.

"I don't really know… just tell him I'm really sorry, and I hope he'll give me a chance to explain things someday. And that I care a lot about him", I stopped, deciding that was enough. If he wanted more than that, he was gonna have to stop being mad and go talk to me. But I had a feeling he wasn't gonna do that anytime soon.

After we hung up, I finished packing, already feeling a bit more at ease. I was nervous about going back and facing everyone, but it was definitely better than staying and facing Peyton and all those messed up feelings again.

* * *

_I know you hate me for making Peyton leave like this, but they did decide to stay away, and the only reason she went there was to keep Lucas from hurting Brooke. But don't worry, next chapter's gonna be an important one, too, and hopefully you'll understand my decision of making her go away without them talking on this scene! I've got the best reviewers in the world! Did I say that already? Well, can't hurt to say it again. You guys rock, and your reviews mean the world to me. Thank you so much! And I hope you'll make me just as happy this week and leave nice reviews! Have a nice week, everyone!_


	15. My Love For You

**Chapter 14 – My love for you**

Julie showed up the next day, but Vince didn't. He did send a text message to my cell, wishing me a good trip. It was something, showed that he at least didn't want my plane to crash and me to suffer a painful death. So yeah, it was something. My mom seemed really pleased with herself that he didn't show up, and she didn't even try to be nice to Julie. Not that Victoria ever tried to be nice to anyone. It was a miracle she and my dad were actually at the airport with me, this time.

I could barely pay attention to any of them, though. I kept looking around and waiting to see someone else there, as if she could magically know I was going back. But I never saw her. Maybe I'd gotten used to her popping into my house for the past days, and I was already starting to miss it that she wasn't there this time.

After we had lunch, well, after _they_ had lunch, and I had two bites of a vegetarian sub, the parents started complaining about how long it was taking for them to call the passengers, and decided to bitch about it to the poor airlines employees. At least that gave _me_ some time to breathe.

"Wow… now I understand why you spent so much time at our place", Julie made a face, staring at the desperate face of a young girl who was trying to explain to them why she couldn't call the pilot and make him 'drive the airplane back to the airport faster' so that their precious daughter could board on time. The precious daughter being me, of course. The scene was so pathetic that it actually made me laugh.

"They're a piece of work, huh? They'd be funny sometimes, if they had any idea what the word 'fun' means", I turned my gaze back to her, "I'm glad you came. Can you imagine being here all this time, alone with them?"

She laughed again, and soon her cell started to ring. She picked it up and her expression immediately changed. "Hey, everything ok? Yeah, ok, I'll be there in 10 minutes. Bye."

I was surprised to see the expression on her face. It was the first time I could ever remember seeing Julie sad. "Gotta go, right?"

She nodded. "You know the troubled best friend I told you about? Well, I gotta go and make sure she's ok, which she doesn't seem to be at the moment so… I'm sorry."

"Hey, say no more. If anyone understands it, it's me", I pulled her in a hug and brushed through her hair a couple of times before we faced each other again, "You've been a great friend. Thanks for everything."

"You, too. And hey… give it some time, ok? I'm sure things will work themselves out. Time has a way of doing that", she winked at me and I had to smile. "Keep in touch", she finally said, waving goodbye as she distanced herself.

I smiled and waved back, just as my parents got closer. "Can you believe the nerve of those people? Making us wait here, like…"

"Mom!" I felt the need to interrupt her before she got louder and embarrassed me in front of all the other people around us. It wasn't like her to make a scene, but I still thought I shouldn't risk it. "Why don't you and dad just go home? It probably won't take much longer, and I'll be ok."

"Don't be silly, Brooke, we can stay", my dad replied. Great. When I actually needed them around, they never had the time, and when I was desperate for some time alone, they wouldn't back off. Well, I guess that's what parents do. I wouldn't know. I never had any.

It was a relief when the speakers announced the first call for my flight. We had an awkward goodbye, as always, and I walked alone, finally, for the first time that day. But, as I walked, I saw a familiar face. Understandable, I guess, that after the things we all said the night before, he wouldn't wanna stay much longer, too. He seemed tired as he held a cup of coffee and passed by me, his blue eyes never meeting mine. I don't think he even saw me, considering he was walking around like a zombie. I wanted to talk to him, and I wanted things to be ok between us. I wanted to make sure he was gonna start handling their break better than he'd been handling it the night before. It was too soon, though. With time, I would try to show him that I never meant for things to turn out that way, and I was hoping I would never have to get that grossed out glare he'd given me. I wouldn't stand it again, it hurt too much. And, because I was so afraid it would happen again, I let him walk by and didn't call.

He didn't sit next to me on the plane. Actually, I didn't even see him inside, even though I saw him boarding. But that was probably due to the fact that I was staring at the floor the entire time. As we got closer to Tree Hill, I started to wonder if anyone knew Lucas was going back, if anyone would be there, at the airport, to get him. Cause if that was the case, I didn't wanna be around.

I stayed longer than I had to on baggage claim, careful not to run into him, and waited some good 15 minutes or so, after he left, to walk into the airport entrance. He was with Haley. No one else was there, and by the way she was hugging him and talking to him, I was guessing she already knew what'd happened. And that meant I had to find out exactly how much she knew. Cause judging by his tone and his previous behavior, I didn't think he'd mind spilling the beans to everyone we knew. And that made me way more nervous than I cared to admit.

She didn't see me there, but I guess he did. At some point, he faced me, but I couldn't figure out what the look on his face meant. I could almost hear him sigh, even though I was far, and then he wrapped his arms around his best friend and they left. At least he had his best friend with him. Funny how I could think of him as the lucky one in all this, when right now he was probably the most confused and messed up one, out of the three of us. Not that Peyton and I weren't just as messed up and confused. I guess there was no 'most' between us, after all. We all had our share of things to deal with, our burden to carry. And they were all getting heavier with each day that passed.

When I got back to Rachel's place and threw my luggage on the corner of the room before throwing myself in bed, I just wanted to breathe and relax for a minute. A second, actually, would be enough. It didn't take long for me to realize it was not gonna happen. My mind was restless for so long, even when I tried to sleep or just rest my eyes, I couldn't seem to, and it was starting to get harder and harder to ignore it. That I was tired, that I couldn't keep going this way, otherwise I would break down completely, and it wouldn't be good.

So I got up, sent Julie a text message, saying I was home and everything went well on the flight, turned my cell phone off, and headed to the kitchen to get something to eat. Ice cream. I definitely needed some of that. But when I sat on the couch and thought of what to watch, I could only think of the day she went to LA. When I glanced at the bed, I remembered waking up that day and seeing her face. The phone reminded me of our conversation the day I got home drunk and Lucas and Haley took care of me. I could never forget the words she said: _You're my Brooke. Always. _All the memories made me grumpy and moody, so I grabbed a spoon, headed to the couch, took the remote and watched some cheesy soap opera in Spanish that I didn't even understand while eating all the ice cream. That was how pathetic I was feeling. Pathetic. There was no other word to describe myself, and the situation I found myself in.

I never though I'd be able to stay home for two entire days, literally. I barely remembered what the porch or the front yard looked liked, cause I hadn't been there since I got back from LA. Never thought I'd be able to live without my cell phone, either, but I hadn't turned it back on since I'd messaged Julie.

When the couch and all the junk food stopped looking so appealing, I pulled myself up, took a shower and decided to unpack. And after I did that, I'd go out for a walk, and be with the tridimensional people again. While I threw some clothes back inside the closet, I saw the yearbook I'd left there. I hadn't even looked through it since school ended. And it seemed like a million years ago. I carefully pulled it from under a pile of my shirts and sat on bed, randomly opening a page and letting myself relieve all the memories. When I turned to the next one, though, something caught my attention. Something that wasn't there the last time I'd looked. Under one of the pictures, the text said: 'Co-captains Brooke Davis and Peyton Sawyer with their cheerleading squad', along with a few words from each of us. Me, of course, saying how much I was gonna miss it, and Peyton saying how she would never forget those moments. I remembered laughing the first time I read the words on the yearbook. I couldn't believe Peyton would ever say something like that. But now, as I read the words written by hand under it, I couldn't help but trace my fingers through them and wonder when they'd been written. I recognized that handwriting anywhere. It was like she wanted to complete the sentence. The original sentence was: 'Every day I spent with that squad, all the moments we laughed, the away games, and even the fights and arguments and the times I wanted to slap those girls, I wouldn't change a thing.' But she'd written over some parts of it, and changed others, so when I read it this time, it had a completely different meaning: _Every day I spent with you, all the moments we laughed, the away games, and even the fights and the arguments and the times I wanted to slap you in the face for making me do the same routine over and over, I wouldn't change a thing. _And then she added:_ You're my best friend, B. Davis. And there's no one else in the world I would ever join a freaking cheerleading squad for._

I laughed at those last words, and teared up at the same time. As I turned some more pages around, I saw little notes from her everywhere. In a picture of Harry, a guy I went out with once on our freshman year, she wrote: _Did you notice he never even talked to you after that day? I bet he knew I'd kick his ass again if he got too close! _Harry. We went out, we kissed, and the next day he told the entire school we'd had sex, and even though he'd heard I was easy, he never thought it'd be that easy. Peyton punched his face in front of the entire cafeteria and made him tell everyone the truth. He was about to punch her back when Principal Turner walked in and gave the two of them a three day suspension. She smiled and left, satisfied with herself. I skipped those three days, too, so that we could hang out. School just wasn't fun without my P. Sawyer.

The first page was filled with messages from everyone. The girls in the squad, the guys on the team, people who knew me, people who barely did. I made them all sign the first pages, cause the last one was saved. For Peyton's message. But it was blank, or at least that was how I'd left it, before the last day. Now, it was covered with her handwriting, with little drawings all around, framing it.

_Brooke, I know things are a mess, things are confusing, and that was not how we planned to spend our last day as seniors. We were gonna sail with my dad for a while, remember? Just the three of us… I don't know when everything got so complicated, and I'm sorry for letting it get to this point. But don't give up on me just yet, ok? Read this, remember everything we've been through, every single time we were there for each other, and believe… believe that, whatever it is that we're going through, we'll figure things out. Whatever it is that we think we lost, we'll get it back. After all, a friendship that has survived so many things already can survive this too, right? Believe in us, believe that we'll always be best friends, that we're stuck with each other. Believe in my love for you. Cause I never, not for one second stopped believing any of that. _

_Love, your BFF, always,_

_Peyton._

Haley was right that day, when I told her Peyton hadn't written a thing, not even something stupid and meaningless, and she asked me if I'd rather have a message from Peyton saying '_Have a nice summer'_ than not having anything at all. That would've been worse. So I'd decided that nothing at all was best. But this? I honestly never expected this. And it brought a calm and stillness to my heart that I also didn't expect to feel at this point. I didn't want her words to still affect me this way, but I couldn't deny that they did. They brought me back the hope I was try so hard to let go of. Cause if I didn't let go, I was pretty sure I would wait for her forever. And I couldn't do that to myself.

Our last day as seniors. So that was when she wrote this. I instantly remembered waking up, seeing her there, and asking how long had she'd been there, waiting. About 20 minutes, she said. More than enough time for her to write these things. God, I just wished I'd seen it earlier. But I refused to take that yearbook and see the blank last page. It was like a reminder, it was the perfect image, the perfect representation that Peyton wasn't there anymore. But if I knew she'd written this, I would've picked it up and read it every single day. Maybe things would've been different since she went to LA. Maybe I wouldn't have been so angry at her for leaving. Maybe we could've been even more honest with each other this past week.

_Believe in my love for you. _The pieces of information I didn't want to see before started surfacing back into my mind. _She_ was the one who kissed me, _she_ was the one who kept going back to my house every day when I was in Los Angeles, she didn't deny it when Lucas asked her if I was the reason they were breaking up. Things were so messed up in her head that she had to turn to drugs. And it wasn't because of Lucas. She refused to tell Lucas a thing at first, she refused to let him take care of her, cause she didn't want to hear him saying the things she knew were true. But I said them all the time, and she still talked to me, and she still needed me to be there for her. _It's just different,_ she said, more than once. The smile I saw in her face the day she sneaked into my room, and the way I could read her and simply know she hadn't felt that happy and peaceful in a while. The look on her face when she saw me and Vince making out on the couch. The hurt in her eyes as she asked me about it. The way she just fell to the floor in the middle of the street and cried when we tried to say goodbye. The way she defended me from Lucas, the way she didn't let him say a word about me in front of her… 

Of course I'd noticed all of that before. Every single thing. But I didn't want to think of what they could mean. But it was all so clear now. Undeniable, obvious. I finally let myself believe she felt the same way. She did love me in the exact same way that I loved her. The part that I couldn't understand before was why she wasn't saying a thing. Why she'd rather let me push her away than admit what she felt. Of course she was probably scared, this was something new for the both of us. But when I read every little note she left and thought back on our friendship and all the time we'd known each other, I saw that the problem wasn't about the way we felt. It was about acting on it. It was about a relationship. Neither of us had ever had a relationship that didn't end badly. Well, except hers with Jake. But that one hurt her as hell before it actually ended, and that was the whole point. Nathan hurt her all the time when they were dating, but they seemed to care so much about each other now that they were friends. Lucas and I hurt each other while we were involved, and after it ended it was even worse, but we worked well as friends. It seemed like we always found a way to hurt the ones we were with, and, somehow, we got ourselves hurt in the process. I'd thought about it, too. There was too much at stake, there was too much to lose if we ever really acted on it. But on my mind I couldn't help thinking that whatever we could have was worth the risk. Actually, I wasn't even thinking of the risks, cause in my heart it all seemed so right at this point that I felt like whatever life, or people threw our way, we'd handle it. Together.

But I understood her reasons. Weirdest thing was that she didn't have to explain any of them to me. From the words she wrote and from the way she was acting, it all made sense now. Knowing her the way I did, I didn't have to ask her and make sure my assumptions were right. I knew they were. I simply knew it. I was actually surprised it'd taken me so long to realize it.

What I didn't know, though, was what to do with this new piece of information. Should I keep on giving her some time till things were clearer in her head? Should I call her at that moment and talk about everything, tell her what I know and ask her what she wants? Would she think I'm pressuring her? I didn't wanna pressure her into anything, I wanted her to be sure of what she wanted before, and if anything happened. But I was afraid of keeping my distance and not knowing what was going on in her head anymore, and risking having her think it'd be better if nothing happened, and she should try and let it go. And I couldn't let her think any of that before we talked, before she understood just how much I loved her and how sure I was of everything I felt.

So I turned my cell phone on, after two days. There was a new message from Julie, just saying she was glad I was ok, and another one, from Lucas. I was afraid to read it at first. Last thing I needed was one more fight with him. He'd sent it the day we arrived. _Saw you at the airport today. I hope you're ok. _That was it. I didn't know what to make of it, but I guessed it was a good sign. Kind of a truce.

I half hoped to see a message from Peyton there. I wanted a message from her. And since there wasn't any, I started writing. _Hey… just wanna make sure you're keeping your promise. I'm back home, sorry I didn't tell you. No one else knows it, anyway. Take care of yourself, ok?_ As I read it, I knew something was missing. I wanted to write it in the end… _I love you_. But I sent it without those last three words. I needed to sort things out first, and think of the best thing to do. Think of what would be the best for her right now. And maybe one day things will get back to normal between us. Between us all. Although, with Peyton, I was starting to realize that 'normal' simply wasn't enough anymore.

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_I know I suck! I'm really sorry for not updating last week, but you have no idea how crazy my life is! Plus, I was having a severe case of writer's block. This chapter was already written, but I was having a hard time writing the next one. I think it turned out pretty good, though. Anyway... I won't be home for Easter, so the next chapter will probably be up as from next Monday. That is, if I'm able to write a thing, of course. It's gonna be worth it, though, I promise! ;)But anyway, I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply to your always awesome reviews, but time is really becoming an issue! Just know that each one of them means a lot, and made me really happy. I never expected to get such good response with a Breyton fic. You guys rock!_


	16. What Was Missing

_I feel like a broken record, always starting out with an apology for taking longer than usual to update. And I should tell you all that things are a bit complicated around here, and I haven't been able to write much. At least the writer's block's gone, and I'm having some (hopefully) good ideas. The main issue right now is time. So I can't promise that I'll be able to update every week like I've been doing lately. But I'll try my best. But please don't give up on the story! And as always, thanks for the reviews!_**

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**Chapter 15 – What was missing**

I woke up with my cell phone beside me, and that was when I realized I'd fallen asleep in the first place, waiting for a message that never came. Like I said before, pathetic. I'd asked some time away from her, but I knew I just wanted her to ignore what I'd asked. And when I stopped to think about it, I really didn't know what I wanted anymore. I was going with distance because that seemed right at first. But since then, things had changed, and I hadn't given it any extra thought. I'd sticked with the original plan, cause it made more sense, and it was safer, it kept us from acting on impulse and gave us time to figure everything out and, hopefully, do the right thing. But after all that was said and done over the last weeks, the reasons I had thought of before, that were telling me to keep my distance and try to get over her, were becoming less and less evident.

I closed my eyes and almost threw the phone across the room. Almost midnight. Almost 8 hours since I sent the message. One more day I'd spent without getting out of the house. And I couldn't even sleep it off this time cause I was anything but tired. How could I be, not having done anything for the past 3 days? I fought the urge to go out for drinks, cause I knew it couldn't end well. And I didn't wanna be that kind of person anymore. Especially after I'd made a promise, and, if I expected Peyton to keep hers, I had to keep mine, too. I owed her that. So I picked up the phone instead. I had to talk to someone. The isolation technique was starting to drive me insane.

"Brooke?" the sleepy voice on the other side seemed surprised by my call. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah… I mean, I guess. I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" I checked the time again. It wasn't even that late. Especially for her, of all people, to be in bed.

"No, just had a really boring day. Parents are out, for a change."

"So… your parents are out and you're sounding as if you're about to go to bed. I'm sorry, I think I dialed the wrong number, I'm looking for Rachel Gatina."

She laughed, but then sighed so softly I barely heard it through the phone. But I knew she wasn't at her best. Usually she would've given me a classic Rachel answer to that straight away. I ignored it at first, we talked for a long time, nearly an hour, before I decided to turn the conversation another way and finally ask her how she was.

"You're ok, Rach?"

"Hey, I asked you first. And considering that, for the first time since I left, _you're_ the one who's calling me… and that apparently we just did all the small talk two people can possibly do, just spill!"

"I just… Ok, here's the thing", I wasn't sure exactly how much I was gonna tell her, but I knew I was gonna say something. I had to, to keep my sanity, "I went to LA last week", I blurted out, even though I wasn't quite sure where I was going with this.

"Ok…? So you went to visit Peyton…"

"No", I interrupted her with more rush than I intended to, "I mean, I only went there cause my parents made me, the whole annual visit thing."

"Sucks", she replied as I expected her to, which caused me to laugh lightly. After a few moments of silence, she added, "But you did see her, right?"

"Yeah, I did…" I hesitated.

"Brooke… you called, and I know something's bothering you, so why don't you just tell me what it is?" her voice was sweet. That was a first. I debated with myself whether not to tell her, and couldn't make up my mind about it.

"Lucas is kinda pissed at me right now. He and Peyton broke up, Peyton and I aren't talking, and we haven't really been talking since school ended. I got back home three days ago and I haven't even seen anyone, and… I don't know, things are pretty messy right now, Rachel", I sighed while taking my hand to brush through my hair.

She stood in silence, probably taken aback by my honesty. Rachel and I didn't really do serious talks. "Oh god, please tell me you and Lucas didn't…"

"No!" It was weird how, all of a sudden, that thought seemed so wrong in my mind.

"Ok, it was just a question. Alright, you gotta help me out here, Brooke…"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called. It's weird to talk about it over the phone. So why don't you tell me what's going on over there?" I tried to change the subject, failing miserably. Of course she wouldn't give up that easily.

"So that's about Peyton…"

"No!" I replied in a rushed and angry tone that gave away the lie beneath the word.

"Whoa! Defensive much?"

I sighed hard and waited a few more seconds till I said what she most probably already knew. "Isn't it always?" I replied with a light chuckle, and suddenly felt very tired. "I'm sorry I bothered you. I gotta go, ok?"

"Brooke…" I knew she was worried, and now I regretted even calling her. Not that it wasn't good talking to her. It was. Strangely, it felt easier to talk to her than to most people. And those people, at that moment, included all my other friends.

"I'm ok, I promise. I'm just a little confused."

"When is she getting back?" her question held something I couldn't quite point out, but made me feel uneasy.

"I have no idea… she said she was gonna stay for the summer, but who knows, maybe she'll wanna stay even after that", I replied with a knot on my stomach. Even the idea seemed like too much. "And maybe it'll be even better if she does…" I didn't know where that last part came from, but it definitely wasn't something she expected. Hell, not even I expected it.

"Of all people, I can't believe I'm the one who's asking you this, but… are you sure you don't wanna talk? You know that, whatever it is, I'm here for you, right?" Totally out of character for Rachel to say something like that. And the tone in her voice made me almost sure she already knew at least a lot of what was going on. But I still didn't think I was ready for that.

Right about the time I opened my mouth to try and say something back, the doorbell rang. I froze in fear. Who could possibly be there, at that time of the night? The night of Ian's attack came rushing back. I knew it didn't make much sense, but I was all by myself in this huge house, and couldn't help letting the fear overcome me from time to time. "Rach… someone's at the door…" I spoke quietly. "Could you just… stay in line while I get it?"

"Yeah, sure. But who could it be, at this time?"

"That's exactly why I want you to stay in line…" I replied, nervously.

"Ok, just… don't get it yet. Go to the dining room and look through the windows there, you'll be able to see who it is, and the person probably won't see you. If it's him, get your cell and call the police and keep talking to me till they get there, ok?"

"Wow… people would think you had your own personal stalker", I tried to laugh and break the seriousness that suddenly took over the conversation.

"Actually, no. I just used to do that when old boyfriends came to my house."

"You called the cops on them?" I asked, incredulously.

"Well, only a couple of times. I may have told them the guy was trying to break into the house. And they may have taken him to the station and released him after I said it was a mistake", she replied innocently, and I managed to actually laugh. And soon the doorbell rang again, taking us back to seriousness.

I slowly walked to the dining room, as she'd suggested. "Ok, I'll see who it is." My hands were a little shaky as I reached for the long silky curtains and carefully pulled them to the side, just enough to see some luggage outside. When I peeked a little longer, I saw her, walking around nervously, looking down at her own feet. My heart almost stopped, and I didn't even remember I had the phone on my hand till I heard Rachel's voice.

"Brooke? Is everything ok?" I heard her weak voice through the phone and put it back to my ear.

"Yeah, yeah, it is. It's just… seems like she's not staying in LA all summer after all…" I replied, unaware of the small smile that had formed on my lips as I kept watching her from the window.

"What? Peyton's there?" she yelled at the phone.

"She is… can you believe it?" I was impressed with the calm that suddenly surrounded me. The doorbell rang one more time. "Rachel, I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"You know, we've been talking for nearly two hours and I wasn't able to cheer you up, and in 5 seconds she did, without even knowing it. You're lucky to have each other", she repeated something she'd told me once.

"I know", I said, simply, still smiling. "Thanks, Rach. I'll call you tomorrow."

"You better! Good luck with everything, Brooke." She hung up, and, when I looked outside again, Peyton looked sad. She was taking her luggage and walking out of the front porch.

My heart started beating faster and I threw the phone on the table at the same time that I grabbed the keys and opened the door, calling her name without hesitating. She was almost out of the yard, and turned her head back in surprise. The smile that formed on her face when our eyes met sent butterflies down my stomach, and I suddenly found myself running to her. She threw the bags on the floor and welcomed me with her arms open as I threw myself on them, finding that everything I'd ever need, I could find on her embrace.

"I'm sorry", she cried, and I held her tighter. "I'm sorry I made things so hard, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me, but I'm done."

Her last words made me pull away and face her with kinked eyebrows. "What do you mean?" I asked, nervously.

But the nervousness soon started to fade as I noticed the smile on her face and the confidence in her voice as she said it, "Running. I'm done running, Brooke. I'm done running from what I feel and from everything I'm afraid of. Cause it's not worth it. Nothing that keeps me away from you can be worth it."

My eyes were instantly filled with tears and my heart pounded uncontrollably on my chest. I wasn't sure of what to do, but I didn't need to think. I slowly reached my hand to touch the side of her face and used my thumb to brush gently through her cheeks. We stared into each other's eyes for what it felt like forever, finding the calm we both seemed to be looking for for so long. She slowly leaned closer, and I knew what she was doing, but I couldn't do that to myself again. I pulled away, and didn't miss the puzzled look on her face as I did so.

"I can't do this again, Peyton. You have no idea how hard it was, when I heard you saying…"

"It's not like last time, Brooke. I promise", she whispered, as she gently placed both her hands on my face. "Ok?"

When I nodded between a few tears, we both smiled nervously. I was the one who got closer this time, and captured her lips on mine. She made no objection, and kissed me back. It should be weird, thinking I was kissing my best friend, but feeling her close to me again, knowing that she felt the same way, it made me feel whole. Like I'd just found something that had always been missing in my life, and I didn't even know it, till I had it. I cried, but this time, they were tears of happiness.

She noticed them and pulled away slightly, kissing the tears away from each of my cheeks and then looking straight to my eyes, looking straight through my soul, the way only she was ever able to.

"There's still so much we need to sort out…" I whispered, my rational side suddenly taking over.

"I know. And we will, together. We'll talk first, as much as we need to, and we both need to know what we're doing, cause that what scares me the most, Brooke. I don't wanna hurt you, and I don't wanna lose you."

"Let's go inside", I smiled as I took her hand in mine and grabbed one of the bags. "It's late, and you must be tired. We can talk tomorrow."

She nodded, a little unsure, took her handbag and followed me. Before we got in, I stopped, my back still turned to her. "Oh, and by the way…" I turned so that I could look at her, "No matter what happens, Peyton, you'll never lose me. You never did, and you never will." With a light squeeze on her hands, I turned and kept walking inside, hoping, with all my heart, that I could keep that promise.

Neither of us really knew how to act after we got to my room. She put her bags near the bed and opened one, distractively going through her clothes and looking for her pjs. When she found them, she pointed to the bathroom. "I'm gonna go change, ok?"

I smiled and nodded, unsure of what else to do or say. When she went inside and closed the door, I quickly changed, too, and threw myself in bed, facing the ceiling with my hands on my face. I didn't move when I heard the sound of the door being opened, nor when I heard her getting closer and saw her sitting on the other side of the bed. Close. Too close.

"So… you wanna eat something?" I got up so quickly I even got a headrush.

"Brooke…" she sounded nervous, too, even though I couldn't be sure, cause I wasn't facing her. But the fact that I wasn't the only one who was nervous brought, ironically, a sense of calm over me. With a sigh, I turned around and accepted her hand that soon held mine and led me back to bed. "Can we just get some sleep, and leave everything else for tomorrow?" her fingers trailed through the back of my hand, keeping my mind and my thoughts from settling. Finally, I simply laid back against one of the pillows, suddenly finding the patterns on the ceiling really interesting. She did the same.

There was no contact between us. I couldn't close my eyes, and I couldn't turn and face her, either, and she seemed to feel the same way. Slowly, I brought my hand closer till I touched hers. She immediately held mine, rubbing it softly, easing my mind a little. The movement caused me to look at her, and she was soon facing me, too. I let a small smile appear from the corner of my mouth. But it didn't last long, cause all kinds of thoughts came to my head at once. Everything was too new, and it was like I needed to make sense out of everything, all at once, even though I knew it would require some time.

She was still holding my hand when I shifted to the side so that we were really face to face. To my surprise, she brought her free hand to my face, pulling a strand of hair behind my ear and then stroking my hair softly. I snuggled closer so that my head was resting on her chest, and she wrapped her arms around me, like we'd done so many times before. I felt safer than I'd ever had before, just relaxing to the sound of her heartbeats and the touch of her hands brushing through my hair.

"Are you scared?" the words came out of my mouth before I could think about their meaning.

"Yeah, I am", she replied almost immediately, kissing my forehead and then going back to stroking my hair, "Terrified, actually", the words came out in a nervous laugh. "And at the same time…" she started, quietly, and held me closer, "Being here, with you, like this… I've never felt safer."

I let a few tears fall, almost not believing I was hearing those words, and let myself fall asleep in her arms, feeling the exact same way as she did. The worries and the implications would have to wait till the next day. It wasn't gonna be easy, and the fact that she was back didn't mean that suddenly everything was figured out, and we were gonna be together. There was too much talking to do first, too much to lose, but at that moment I could only think of what I was gaining: everything I've always wanted.

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_I know it might've seemed a little rushed to some of you, and I originally didn't plan things to happen this way, but you know when it feels like the story writes itself, and you don't have much control over it? Well, it happened on this chapter. But, as I tried to show there, this does not, by any means, mean that it's all good and perfect. They still need to talk, and Peyton's reasons for going back will be explained with time. There's still a lot to come, so stick with me!_


	17. Something More

_I'm so glad I was actually able to update in time! And that I replied to all of your awesome reviews today! The next chapter is already half written, so maybe next week's update will come in time, too. I wanna thank everyone who's been supporting me in this, and reviewing and letting me know their thoughts on the story. I still don't think you can imagine how much that helps me, so thanks!_

_Brooke said, on the last chapter, they needed to talk about a lot of things before making any decision, and that's what this chapter is about. And a lot of the next one, too. I hope you don't think it's boring, cause it's mostly dialogues. But it's also a key part of the story, that helps understand the girls' fears - especially Peyton's - better. So here it is. Enjoy!_

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**Chapter 16 – Something more**

I had only nice dreams, for once. I couldn't remember the last time I'd woken up this calm. I was still half asleep when I moved my arms and noticed she wasn't holding me anymore. I quickly opened my eyes and saw her sitting by the window, facing the street outside. I shifted to the side, taking in the image before me. Even with all the confusion I could see in her, and the hint of sadness that was evident as she focused her gaze on the few cars that passed by, she'd never looked more beautiful to me. But there was something on that image that scared me. Whenever she sat by the window the way she was doing now, it meant she needed to clear her mind. And if she needed to clear her mind, it meant she had doubts. Sure, I had doubts, too. Not as to how I felt, but as to what to do with it. Things were way clearer when they were nothing but ideas, hopes in my head. Now that they were slowly starting to happen, I was faced with the reality that nothing was as simple as I kept telling myself it would be.

"Hey…" I whispered quietly.

"Morning", she replied, only moving to hold her knees closer to her chest.

"You ok?" I furrowed my eyebrows, not sure whether to try and get her to talk, or wait till she did so on her own.

"Yeah… Just have a lot on my mind", slowly, she turned her head to the side and looked at me, resting it on her knee. She smiled softly, "Did you sleep well?"

I nodded. "You?"

With a shrug of her shoulders, she turned her attention back to the street. "For a while, yeah. But I woke up a few hours ago and couldn't sleep again."

Her little confession, and the fact that she was avoiding looking at me again took away the calm I was feeling before. I decided to stay quiet, and not push the subject now, but the resolution didn't last long. I didn't like the silence. "So… what's on your mind? You seem far away from here."

"You talked to Lucas? Since you both got back?"

"We came on the same plane", I tried to hide the hurt I suddenly felt by the fact that he was the one she was thinking about, but I probably didn't do a good job at it, "But I didn't talk to him. He just texted me that day, saying he saw me at the airport and he hoped I was ok."

"He called me a couple of times", she confessed. I had no idea why she was telling me that. "He said he was sorry, and that he'd fight for me, that it was just a fight and we could still work things out."

I didn't reply right away, instead I rolled over, turning my back to her, and shut my eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears from coming. I knew she loved him, and if anyone knew how much, it was me. Even though I knew she didn't feel the same way she'd once felt about him, there was still something, there'd probably always be. And the fact that he wasn't gonna let her go that easily made me feel insecure. Again. I hated that feeling.

"What did you say?" my voice came out so weak that even I barely recognized it.

"I said that I knew he was hurt, and I was sorry, too", I heard her moving and suddenly felt her sitting next to me and her hands brushing through my hair, "But that I couldn't be with him now, that it just wasn't working out anymore. And that I wasn't mad at what he'd said to me, but at the way he treated you. You didn't deserve that."

I rolled back to her direction so that I was lying on my back. "You said that?"

She nodded and the corner of her lips curved in a small smile. "He also said that he didn't tell anyone about… you know, your feelings. Not even Haley, so you don't have to worry about it."

I let out a sigh of relief. At least there was one thing I could stop stressing over. Lucas really wasn't a bad guy, after all, even though he wasn't my favorite person in the world, either. But the relief I felt soon gave room for more worrying thoughts. If they talked, had she come back for him or for me? Even if everything indicated that I was the reason, I wouldn't doubt if someone told me they could get back together at any moment.

"Does he know you're here?"

"Not yet. No one does. And even though I love Haley and Nathan, I don't want them to know, either", she leaned back against the headboard and lifted my head so that it was resting on her lap. "Is that ok, if I hide here with you for a while?"

_Ok? Are you kidding me? _We could hide here for the rest of our lives for all I cared. It'd make everything a lot simpler. "Seems perfect to me. But you know, you're gonna have to face him at some point. And when the moment comes… what are you gonna do?"

"I'm hoping…" she took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm hoping that, when that moment comes, you and I will have figured our stuff out. Cause something tells me that, once we do this, dealing with everyone else will be a lot easier."

"Yeah", I replied quietly, while moving my fingers through the blanket beside me, nervous, "I hope so, too." I wanted to get closer to her, cause she was the only one who could quiet the thoughts in my mind just by being there, just by holding me. I moved a little, but hesitated.

"Come here", she motioned with her head, already laying down and wrapping her arms around me. I relaxed on her embrace. "Since when are you shy when it comes to asking for attention, Brooke?"

I laughed, but only half-heartedly. "I just… I wasn't sure if… you know, if you'd still wanna…"

I didn't finish it, cause I didn't have to. She held me even closer, silencing my worries for a second. "I wouldn't have come here if I wasn't sure of what I feel, ok?"

"There's a huge difference between knowing what you feel and knowing what to do", I said, slightly pulling away so that our eyes met, "And that's the part that scares me the most."

"Ok…" she let me go and sat up in bed, waiting as I did the same. "You know why I kissed you, back in LA?"

"You acted on impulse…"

"No", she stopped and avoided my gaze, "Not really. I kissed you because I knew you were slipping away from me, and I wanted to give you some sort of indication that, maybe if you waited a little longer before you moved on, then I would have some time to… to understand what I was feeling." I opened my mouth to say something, but she didn't let me. "I know, I know it wasn't right, it was selfish, cause I wasn't ready to be with you, but I didn't want you to be with anyone else, either. And that was why I said I was sorry. I knew you couldn't understand, cause I wasn't explaining a thing, but I felt like I had to say it, anyway. And the reason I didn't explain…" she started again, already answering the question I didn't even have to ask, "was because I wasn't sure if I could ever take the risk with you, and I didn't want to give you hope, only to take it away later on. Cause that'd be even harder on you."

"You didn't wanna give me hope, Peyton?" I asked, incredulously, "That was why you kissed me, and then said you were sorry? If that wasn't giving me hope and taking it away immediately, then I don't know what it was…"

"Exactly. That was why I _immediately_ took it back", she desperately tried to explain, "I guess I did act on impulse, but not in the way you're thinking. Not because I was caught up in the moment and did something without thinking. But because I was true to myself for a split second, and I let it happen, and I shouldn't have, not until I was sure…" she closed her eyes and sighed in frustration when she noticed I didn't really understand most of it.

"Did you mean it, then?" I asked the only question that really mattered. "At that moment, did you mean to kiss me?"

"Yes, Brooke, I did. At that moment, and even before that. And after I did, I tried so hard to forget about it, but I couldn't. Cause it felt… it felt like I was finally…"

"Complete", I finished her sentence, quietly, still looking anywhere but on her direction.

"Complete", she repeated, confirming my answer.

"So why, Peyton?" I was almost angry at her by now, "Why did you keep me in the dark, and why did you tell me to let go…"

"I never told you to let go."

"Maybe not, but you also never told me not to."

She didn't reply right away. She got up and walked around the room, taking her hand to her hair. "Because if I told you not to, I'd be making a decision. And I wasn't ready to make a decision, yet."

"What made you change your mind? What made you come here? And don't think that seeing you outside this house yesterday wasn't one of the best moments I can remember, but I need to know… I need to know why you're here."

"I'm here because I love you. I'm here because the entire time that Lucas was there with me, I could only think of what you were doing and if you were ok. Because I wanted to ditch him and find any excuse to go to your place and check on you. Because I thought the connection Lucas and I had was so amazing, and that was why I hid my feelings at first, even from myself. When he kisses me, I feel connected to him, but with you, Brooke… we don't even have to touch, and it's already more powerful. Just by looking at you, it's like life makes more sense all of a sudden", she was still walking around the room, motioning her arms as she spoke, "And it's always been like that, but I never thought it could mean something more, you know? I thought that was what best friends were supposed to be like, it was always so normal with the two of us. But when you came to my house that day and you told me how you felt… it didn't take long till I started questioning my own feelings. When I was in LA, and Lucas said Karen was insisting she'd be ok and he should go visit, I was so happy at first. But I missed you, I missed you so much, and I would've given anything to have you telling me you might be going, instead of him. So I went out, to get distracted, and have some fun…"

"And Rick was there", I interrupted her, feeling more than a little guilty for her downfall, at the same time that I tried to remember each one of her words, treasuring them as if they were the most precious things in the world. Right now, they really were.

"Yeah. I thought it'd be harmless at first, just once, to help me forget, for a while. Stupid, I know", she finally stopped moving around and stood in front of me. "When I found out you'd slept with some guy at a party… god, I wasn't just worried. I was insanely jealous, and so angry. I was mad at him, whoever he was, cause I knew he didn't deserve you, I was mad at you for not giving yourself value, I was mad at myself for not being there and for letting that happen. So when Lucas got to my place, I took it out on him, and I kept picking up fights, so that I'd have a reason to go out and see Rick again."

_Ouch. _The guilt I felt before must've been multiplied by a thousand after that. "I'm sorry. But I was so angry, too. I was mad at you for going away, and I was so lost…"

"Brooke, don't. Don't blame yourself for that, ok? That was why I didn't tell you anything that day, cause I didn't want you to feel guilty. And the only reason I'm telling you now is for you to understand why I did the things I did, and that it wasn't easy for me to realize what I truly felt. And even after I did…"

"You were afraid", I said, reaching forward to take her hand and gently pulling her to sit next to me. "It's ok, I'm afraid, too."

"Look…" she sat in front of me with her legs crossed, taking my hand and enveloping it on both of hers, "Brooke, you're the most important person in my life. Since we were kids, you've always been my sister, my friend… my everything. When I lost you before, I lost myself, too. And if we do this, and something goes wrong…"

"I know", I lowered my head, and placed my other hand over hers, rubbing my thumb through her fingers. "I didn't really think of everything we'd be risking till yesterday."

"I was thinking of Lucas this morning. Not missing him, just… thinking of my relationship with him. And your relationship with him. The things he said to you, and to me… he can never take them back. Sure, you became friends, but he hurt you so much before that. And I hurt him a lot now. And that's always gonna be there. I'll always like him a little less because of the things he said to you that day, and it doesn't matter that he's sorry, or that he didn't mean it. He still hurt you, and he hurt me in the process", she stopped and saw my confused expression, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that some choices we make… there's no going back. We take chances, and we gotta be prepared to win or lose. The difference here is that I can't afford to lose you."

My head was lowered again. She was right, and everything she said made all the sense in the world. So why did every single word hurt so much? I pulled my hands from hers and grabbed a pillow, trying to distract myself with the small laces around it. I was failing miserably, and she soon placed her hand above mine, trying to keep them still.

"Brooke?" she lowered her head, too, trying to level with mine so that she could face me. But I looked to the side.

"What you don't get, Peyton…" I sighed and turned to face her, "is that either choice will have its consequence. And by choosing not to risk it, we might end up losing a lot, too. And I'm not even talking about what we can have, I'm talking about what we have now", I focused my eyes on her green ones and whispered the last part, not sure if I wanted her to hear. "There may be no going back from this, too."

I wanted to be angry at her, probably more than I ever wanted to be angry at anyone before. I wanted the Peyton that, just a few minutes ago, was telling me she was sure of what she felt, and that our connection was almost too strong to put into words. I knew she wasn't taking these things back. If anything, she was confirming it all, saying I meant so much that she couldn't risk losing me. But I still hated her for being so rational and not thinking of what we could have. Maybe I was the one being too emotional, but I could almost see how different things could be this time. I could always find the courage to be completely honest with her, something I couldn't seem to do with anybody else. Her presence alone had the power to make everything better, how could she question if that was the right thing?

I'd told her yesterday, that she'd never lose me, and I meant it. I would always be there for her, whenever she needed me around. But that didn't mean I was sure I could still be her best friend, and always be around, if she decided nothing would happen. The mere possibility of nothing ever happening was enough to break my heart into a million pieces, and, the same way our friendship might not survive a breakup, I couldn't be completely sure that it could survive this, either.


	18. Speechless

**Chapter 17 - Speechless**

"I thought about it, too, you know?" she finally spoke, after what it felt like hours of silence. She was now sitting on my bed, while I lied down at Rachel's, not facing her. But I could feel her stare on me. "That maybe we've already reached that point of no return, when any decision will change everything." I kept silent, cause I didn't feel like I had much more strength left. I'd said so much already, that now I could only close my eyes and listen to her. "And that's why everything is so damn confusing. Cause the only reason I have for not being with you now is my fear or screwing things up and hurting you, like I did so many times before. Only I'm afraid I won't get another chance with you. Like this is it, and if I don't get it right this time, it's over. For good. But if I keep anything from happening, even if it is to protect you, I could still lose you, and you would hurt the same way."

"You seemed so sure of everything yesterday…" I whispered, more to myself than to her, taking my hand to brush some hair from my forehead, "And when you kissed me, you…"

"I felt like I've never loved anyone this much before", she whispered it, too. "And that's why I'm so afraid. You said it yourself, everyone I love dies, or leaves, or maybe I push them away, and I don't wanna do that to you."

My heart ached as I was reminded of the things I'd done to hurt her when we weren't friends. I hadn't meant any of them, and I was surprised she still didn't seem to believe it. "I'm still here, aren't I? We'll always find our way back to each other, Peyton. I believe that. After everything we've been through, how can you not believe it, too?"

"Yesterday, when I got your message, saying you were back in Tree Hill, I felt this… this emptiness. Cause I was about to go to your parents place again, with some lame ass excuse, to see you. And suddenly you were so far… And I realized I'd pushed you away again, cause all I had to do was ask you to stay, and I couldn't even do that. It's so stupid, I don't even know why I do these things, but when I stop to think, it's already done."

"We all do it, don't we? I've pushed you away, too. But you know what? No matter what happens, we've never given up on each other. Even when it seemed like we had, even when everybody else thought you didn't mean anything to me anymore, and I meant nothing to you, we both know that we still cared. You said that Lucas hurt you before, and it changed everything, but I hurt you, too, and yet here we are. We got everything back, didn't we? And I don't know what the difference is, but there's definitely a difference there. I could never forgive him completely, but I look at you now, and it's like you never did anything to hurt me. If you never loved this much before, maybe you could never give yourself completely before, either. And maybe that's what's gonna make a difference", I stopped, and she didn't say anything. "God, I suck at this", I cried out in frustration, "It's way easier with guys, you know? You say a little thing, you do a little thing, and before you know it, they're head over heels. Consider yourself special, P. Sawyer, I've never done this before. Never had to talk someone into being with me. It's usually the other way around", I grinned, trying to ease up the tension a little.

I heard a light chuckle coming from her, but then she spoke again, serious, "How can you be sure? How can you be sure it's gonna be different?"

"I can't. But I'm trying to believe. Isn't it what you asked me? _Believe in us, believe in my love for you_", I quoted some of the things she'd written on my yearbook, which seemed to catch her by surprise.

"So you did read it. When we saw each other and you didn't mention anything I figured you hadn't. Or maybe you'd burnt the yearbook, like we did with Lucas' letter", she laughed lightly, and I couldn't stop myself from doing the same.

"I hadn't. Read it, I mean. Not till yesterday. And your words gave me that calm I was missing, that reassurance that we can get through whatever happens. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, Peyton, and we're probably gonna have to fight like hell to make this work. With anyone else, I'd say it'd be too hard to try. But you make me feel stronger, like I can fight anything and anyone, and still think life is perfect at the end of the day. Cause you make it all worth it."

At that point I was letting the words come freely out of my mouth, almost ignoring the fact that she was listening to them. If I acknowledged that fact, I probably wouldn't have said half the things going through my head. Staring at the ceiling from my position in Rachel's bed made it easier to pretend I was just talking to myself, or thinking out loud. And the silence that followed my words almost made me believe I actually _was_ talking to myself. So I had to turn my head and look for her. She hadn't moved, but she was staring at me in a way I'd never seen before. I could almost hear all the million thoughts in her mind, as she tried to separate the right ones, the ones that would give her the right things to say.

"You know, for someone who's never done this before", she got up and sat near me, smiling and patting my legs, "You're doing a pretty good job."

I laughed, looking at her beautiful smile, and the loving way she looked back at me. There was no denying what we both felt, that was never the problem. Whatever the problem was, though, I felt like, slowly, I was getting through to her, convincing her not to worry so much, not to rationalize so much. Convincing her things were gonna be ok, and that I'd do whatever it took to make sure of that.

"You're really good at playing hard to get, aren't you?" I asked in a playful tone.

"Not playing, I actually am hard to get, in case you haven't noticed", she winked at me, both of us glad that the tension had dissipated a little. I quickly took the pillow I was using and tossed it on her direction, but she ducked in time and it flew through the room. We laughed, and actually meant it, for the first time in a while and, as the laughter subsided, it was replaced by a comfortable silence.

It didn't last long, though, cause we soon heard the loud noise coming from my stomach. "Whoa! What do you have in there, a monster?" she asked, amused, as I put both my arms around it, defensively.

"No!" I replied, pretending to be offended, "I just… haven't eaten any decent food in a while, that's all", I shrugged.

She raised her eyebrow and I could tell she was worried. "How long, exactly?"

"Two days?" I grinned, and as soon as I saw the look on her face, I quickly added, "It's not like I haven't eaten, but there's only too much pizza and canned food a person can take."

"What? We gotta get you some real food, come on", she got up and reached her hand for me to take it, but I didn't. I didn't wanna get out of the house, I didn't wanna risk running into someone we might know. She noticed my hesitance and sighed, "We'll go somewhere near, grab some food and come back. You gotta eat something healthy before you pass out or something", she kept her hand on the same place, and I finally took it, deciding she had a point there.

"How about…" I stood in front of her, looking down, "You know, how about everything else?"

"What do you say we take a break from this for now? And we'll deal with it again later? Please?" she looked at me pleadingly. I was worried about it, I wanted to get everything sorted out once and for all. But she was right, we did need a break. So I nodded slowly, and, seeing that I was still a bit nervous, she took both my hands in hers and looked straight into my eyes, "Don't worry too much, ok? We'll be fine, I promise."

I smiled at her attempt to calm me down, but it came out as nothing more than a slight curve on my lips. "You can't be sure of that."

"Yes, I can", she answered simply, and put her arms around my shoulders as we walked out of the room.

Something in the way she said it made me feel better. If she was so sure, maybe I should stop worrying, too, at least for now. We found a small restaurant about five minutes from Rachel's place, and ordered some food to go. That was, till I realized how good it was to be out of the house again and we decided to eat there.

"How about your internship?" I asked one of the things that were going through my mind since she'd gotten there the day before, "I'm really bad at math and all, but weren't you supposed to stay there for another month or so?"

She let out a small chuckle and nodded while she finished swallowing some pasta. "Yeah, I was. But it just wasn't worth it anymore", she shrugged dismissively, but I saw through it, and smiled, not being able to keep from looking at her. She caught my gaze and laughed, "What? Do I have macaroni on my chin or something?"

I shook my head in response, still with my lips curved in a small smile. "Thanks", I said it on impulse.

"The job sucked anyway", she tried to hide a smile of her own, but finally whispered, "You're welcome."

As our eyes met for what it felt like the hundredth time that day, I felt the kindness and the concern I'd been missing so much over the last months. I still didn't get how she could have any doubts about us, but I tried to push that thought to the back of my mind for the time being.

"So how have you been since you got back?" she asked.

"Ok", I replied with a shrug of my shoulders, but, of course, she didn't buy it.

"Ok? You said you've been eating pizza and canned food for two days now… I bet you didn't even step foot in the front yard till I got there."

"I hate you", I stuck out my tongue and threw a small piece of bread on her. She knew me like no one else did.

A huge grin appeared on her face as I confirmed her theory. "Nah… you know you don't."

"How about you? Keeping your promise?" I asked, carefully.

Her tone changed suddenly into a more serious one. "It was hard, especially after the whole scene in front of your house. And all of a sudden Lucas was gone, and even though I didn't know you were gone, too, I couldn't exactly call you."

"Peyton? Does it mean you…?"

"I called him", her voice was shaky, but when she her eyes turned their gaze back at me, I knew I had no reason to worry, cause a small smile appeared, "But then I put on some music, got my sketch pad, started drawing and ignored him when he rang the doorbell."

I was so proud of her for that, I couldn't even put it into words. I didn't have to, she got the message just by looking at me. But there was something else bothering her, I could tell.

"Sometimes I think of what Lucas said, remember? That if things were too hard, he thought I should come back… and you said I was stronger than this…"

"You are. You were", I reached my hand to hers, a gesture that, strangely enough, didn't feel weird, "We both know you didn't come back because things were hard over there."

"No… I came back because things were gonna be hard over here, and I didn't want you to be alone in this", she confessed, quietly, making me fall even more in love with her, if that was possible. My eyes filled with tears as she spoke.

"I know… cause that's who you are, and that was why I thanked you before, for coming back", I tried not to sound as emotional as I actually was, "You know, there's a difference between being strong and persisting on a mistake. You were there for as long as it made sense for you. And if you ask me, it was about time you got back."

"I couldn't agree more."

The whole meal ran smoothly, luckily with no familiar faces anywhere to be seen. But as some time passed by, I found myself eager to go back to the house. It was almost as if I was afraid of the world outside. It seemed too complicated to face at the moment, although our little world wasn't any less confusing. We stopped on our way home for some grocery, and went back. Peyton went upstairs to take a shower as I put everything away in the kitchen. I was startled by the doorbell ringing a few minutes later. Using Rachel's technique once again, I peeked outside and saw Lucas, pretty much to my surprise. He looked a little nervous, too. I debated for a while whether not to answer, and decided on talking to him quickly, while Peyton was still in the shower, and saying goodbye before he got the chance to get inside.

I can't say I wasn't shaking a little with anxiety when I opened the door. He had both his hands on his pockets, something he usually did when he was uncomfortable.

"Hey…" he said quietly, not facing me.

"Lucas…"

His name seemed to linger in the long silence that followed, as both of us tried to sort out the right thing to say, the words that would fix everything. "I got your message", I decided to start something.

"Yeah, I… I saw you and I wasn't sure if you'd wanna talk, so…" he moved his feet, not able to stand still, "I'm really sorry, Brooke. I was a mess that day, and I let it out on you. I needed someone to blame, and it was unfair… I'm sorry."

"I know this whole thing was hard on you, Lucas." _But what made you think it wasn't just as hard on me? You, of all people, should understand it better than anyone. _I let my thoughts blame him again. Not really blame, but accuse him. "And I'm sorry, too, I never planned on this, and it was killing me, cause I felt like a horrible person." _Still does, actually._

"Some twist to this triangle, huh?" he chuckled uncomfortably, and I laughed, taking my hand to my hair and looking down.

"Yeah, some twist…"

"So… have you talked to her lately?"

I kept my stare fixed on the floor.

"Brooke! I couldn't find my towel, so I grabbed one from the bathroom, I hope it's ok…"

All the blood was instantly drained from my face as she got closer, already dressed and drying her hair with a blue towel. Lucas' face turned to hurt and then to angry so fast I could barely keep up. He pushed me out of the way and stepped inside to confirm what he already knew. And suddenly it was as if the whole scene was in slow motion. Their gaze at each other, the confusion in her eyes as she looked at me, looking for safety. His anger, as he walked towards her and grabbed her arm. He didn't seem to want to hurt her, he was just desperately trying to understand.

But as he grabbed her like that, it brought back the memories of Ian Banks trying to hurt her. Apparently, to her, too, cause as he touched her like that, she retreated immediately, looking as scared as she did the day of the attack. It wasn't something rational, and that was probably I reacted so fast.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Get away from her!" I pushed him away from a distraught Peyton, who immediately held my arm, keeping me close. I stood between them. "What's your problem, Lucas? After everything that's happened…"

"What's my problem? You looked at me that day and you said it had nothing to do with her", he looked at Peyton accusingly, "And you, Brooke… you just said you were feeling like a horrible person, and you were sorry, when she was here all along with you?"

"It's not what you think, Lucas", my words were true, and I hated that they were.

"It's not? She comes back, she doesn't tell anyone but you? She's taking a shower in your house? I asked you, Peyton…" he turned his attention back to her, and she seemed to cling even closer to me. I reached my hand to my arm, to meet hers. "I asked you if you felt the same…" The tears that he was trying to hold back were visible on his face, and I almost felt bad for him. Almost, because right now my main concern was the person right behind me.

"And I never gave you an answer", her voice came out quiet, and I felt my heart beating faster at that.

"I don't think you need to", he turned his back and headed to the door, and I felt myself relaxing a bit. And she spoke again, her voice stronger this time.

"I do", her words echoed through the room and made him stop and stare back at us. She stepped forward, closer to him, never letting go of my hand, "I feel the same way. And I guess in some ways I always have", she gave my hand a light squeeze, and I found myself smiling between a few tears of happiness. It was the first time she said it with such certainty. "But that doesn't mean I didn't love you, Lucas, that I don't love you, cause I do. I'm just not in love with you. I'm sorry this is hurting you, I really am. But don't expect me to apologize to you for loving Brooke, cause I never will", her tone was sweet, but firm.

Much to our surprise, he started laughing. Neither of us could figure out what could possibly be so funny. "You don't really believe this is ever gonna work, do you? Peyton, what makes you think Brooke's not gonna get bored of you after a few months and leave you for some jock, or cheerleader, since that seems to be your thing now…" he was silenced by Peyton's hand slapping him hard on the face.

"I told you in LA, and I'm telling you now. Don't you dare saying another word about her, Lucas. And you're not even drunk this time, so you don't have the alcohol excuse."

"You should've told me. If you two are… dating", he said the last word with some difficulty, "You could've had the decency to tell me."

I was gonna open my mouth to say we weren't dating, but she beat me to it. But the words she said caught me by surprise, almost as much as him. "Well…" She crossed her arms and walked to the door, opening it a little bit more, indicating the way out. "Now you know."

He left without another word, and she slammed the door closed, leaning against it with a tired sigh. So many thoughts raced through my mind at once that I couldn't even keep track. Had she said that to get him to go away? To stop the conversation once and for all? Had she said it cause she was angry? Or did she really mean it? Then, as if she'd heard all my doubts, she lifted her head up for a second, her eyes meeting mine, and, on her lips, the most genuine smile I'd seen from her for the last couple of months. She'd never looked more perfect to me than at this moment, when she uttered the words. "You better not break my heart, Brooke Davis."

And then, all of a sudden, Lucas wasn't the only one she had the power to leave speechless.

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_I totally took that last line from Peyton from an episode of The L Word, LOL! Or at least I'm pretty sure it was something like that, on the season 4 finale. Anyway... I'm sorry I didn't reaply to your always awesome reviews. I really didn't have any time this week, and all the extra time I had I used to write this chapter! But be sure the reviews are greatly appreciated, therefore you should keep leaving them! _

_So do you guys like it so far? Any ideas, any complaints? Feel free to give me your honest opinion, as long as it's respectful, of course! Personally, I liked the way this chapter turned out, and I hope you did, too. Much more drama still to come, of course, even though I'm not really sure how I'm gonna do it! Anyway, see you next week._

_Oh, and last week I put my The L Word oneshot up, it's called **Lead Me Home**, and it's a TiBette, pretty much on Tina's POV. If any fans are reading this, go check it out and tell me what you think. It's my first TLW story, so I'm a little nervous about it, so please, feedback will be highly appreciated!_


	19. Irreplaceable

_Ok, the chapter's short, and it sucks, and this has a name: writer's block! I just finished writing it, and I revised it only once, so I'm sorry if I let anything slip by. I'm not sure if I'll be able to post next week, but I promise I'll do my best! Thank you so much to my amazing reviewers, and I'm sorry I didn't reply to the reviews. Time has been an issue lately. Hopefully this chapter didn't turn out so bad, and you'll still want to leave some words to me. Please? I'm sure your words can inspire me and take me out of this damn writer's block! So help me! Alright, hope you guys have a great weekend! See ya! (next week, I hope!)_

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**Chapter 18 – Irreplaceable**

You know those moments that seem to go by in slow motion? Or when time simply seems to stop altogether? I often get this feeling when I look into her eyes. I get lost there so easily, but I don't mind a bit. Sometimes it's frightening, sometimes it's awkward, sometimes it's like the most natural thing in the world. Most of the time, though, it's comforting. It's comforting, cause I see, through her eyes, that she's feeling the exact same thing. I see her fears, I see her doubts, but, mostly, I see myself. A part of me. Perhaps the part I love the most. Even with everything that'd happened, it was good to know some things never changed.

I took a step towards her, with hesitance, at first. And then I took another one, our eyes never leaving the other one's. When I was close enough, I reached out my arms and touched both her cheeks, brushing my thumbs through her beautiful face. That was it. I'd never been so sure of anything in my life, as I did right there. She brought her right hand closer to me, pushing some stray hair behind my ear and then letting her hand linger on the side of my face. I closed my eyes at her warm touch, taking in a deep breath. There was no rush, there was no fear. I wanted to be stuck in that moment forever. The moment everything was perfect and safe. I felt like I should say something, but too much had been said already. This moment was to be lived, not talked about.

When our lips finally met, I knew I was complete again. I didn't know it was possible that any kiss could feel better than the one we'd had the day before, but this was. When it deepened, my hands went to her hair and hers went to my neck, holding me even closer. She finally pulled away slowly, and my lips instantly missed hers. And then she held me, wrapping her arms around me while I rested my head on her shoulders. Her fingers kept brushing through my hair and for a while we just stood there.

Her body smelled like vanilla, her wet hair had a more flowery scent. I breathed in slowly, taking in the indescribable sensation of having her this close to me, in every possible way.

"Are you ok?" she asked softly, when I tightened my grip on her and sunk my head further between her neck and her shoulders. "You're worried, aren't you? About Lucas, and everyone else…" she said, when I didn't reply to her first question.

I nodded, even though I hadn't really noticed that was the reason I was nervous till she said it. I pulled away and faced her, she took my hand and led me to the couch. She sat first, and then I did the same, leaning against her.

"It's like… I have a million thoughts going through my head at the same time, and sometimes it feels like I have to figure it all out, at once", I tried to explain while resting my head on her shoulder and playing with her hand which was rested on her lap.

"I know… it's huge, isn't it?"

"Yeah", my voice cracked a little. I didn't exactly know why I could feel my eyes beginning to get watery all of a sudden.

"Hey, Brooke, look at me", she touched my chin lightly, causing me to look at her, "Weren't you the one telling me we were gonna be fine just now?"

"We will", I brushed my hand through my face and wiped the tears away, "I know we will. I just wish things would've been different with him. I mean, did you see how changed he was? When he got close to you and…" She flinched, and I cursed myself for bringing that moment back to her mind. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked about it."

"No, it's ok. You always seem to be around to save me, anyway", she attempted a smile, but I knew the subject still made her nervous.

"We never really talked about it, have we?" I brushed my hand through her hair to try and make her a bit calmer about everything. "Maybe it's time we did."

"I'm ok, Brooke, I promise", she stopped for a moment and sighed, "I couldn't sleep for the longest time after it happened. Lucas tried to help, and he was always around, but in some ways, it just made me even more nervous, you know?" I nodded slowly, even though she couldn't see it. "But I didn't have the heart to tell him, cause in the end he just wanted to be there for me. It was a relief when I found out I was going to LA, though. It was hard, too, being alone, but at the same time… Lucas always reminded me of him so much…"

Her words started to worry me. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first, but they did. She was obviously scared of Lucas, she didn't feel safe around a guy after what'd happened. And I knew I shouldn't doubt her, but what if she was so confused that she misinterpreted her own feelings? She felt safe around me, and it made sense. I didn't pose a threat, I wasn't a guy, and I was the one who fought him that night. Could that possibly be the reason she'd chosen me now? And could it be that, once the trauma was really over, she'd want to go back to Luke?

"And then you found me. You found me that day, Brooke, and I found the stillness I needed so much. I didn't need the drugs anymore, I didn't need Lucas. I tried to fall asleep, and then, when I realized I wasn't gonna be able to, I went to your room, cause I was hoping we'd talk a bit. I wasn't sure what I wanted to talk about, but it didn't really matter. You were asleep already, and I even tried to turn around and go, but I couldn't. You were always the one who could make things better. And that day, just by being beside me, you did. You weren't even awake, Brooke. But just knowing you were there was enough. I closed my eyes and I fell asleep, and for the first time since the attack, I didn't have a nightmare. I slept through the night, because you were there."

I smiled, inspite of myself. Now wasn't the time to bring it up. For now, she felt safe, and that was all that mattered. I needed to learn how to let things happen, and not worry about anything in anticipation. It scared me, it did, but I couldn't be the person I was when I was with Lucas. Insecure about the relationship I was in, all the time. I owed it to her, to be different. To make this relationship different.

"And I always will be", I kissed her forehead softly, and we enjoyed the silence that surrounded us. The house phone rang, startling her at first. "It's ok, it's just Rachel. It's always Rachel, when this phone rings."

I picked it up, already missing being close to Peyton. When Rachel's voice was heard, it was different. I wondered if she was crying, but I didn't have time to ask. She jumped to the point. "Brooke? They're going back to Tree Hill in a week. I'm sorry, but…"

"I can't stay anymore", I completed her sentence before she had to, "It's ok, I knew I couldn't stay here forever, anyway."

"You have somewhere to go?"

I looked at Peyton, who was staring at me intently, already guessing what the conversation was about. Going to Peyton's place wasn't an option, I knew she could never fully recover if she was living on that place and being forced to relive everything. She would have to face it, eventually, but it still wasn't the time.

"We'll figure it out", I tried to sound casual, not to worry either Peyton or Rachel.

"We?" she asked, "So I guess things worked out well last night…"

"Yeah, they did. Well, things are still working themselves out, really, but we'll be fine", I winked at Peyton when I said the words, making her smile. "Rach? What's going on over there?" I turned serious again, deciding she'd helped me a lot already, and she probably needed some help herself, "You're crying?"

"I'm ok…" she was as convincing as I was when I tried to pretend I didn't miss Peyton.

"Yeah, right. Well, at least you'll be here in a week and I can get it out of you, huh?" I tried to ease things up.

"No, I won't", she sighed and I could hear her crying, again. I was about to ask what the hell she was talking about, when she continued, "I said my parents are going back. I'm not. Not for a while, anyway."

"Ok, Rachel, now you're gonna talk, cause I'm getting worried about you."

"It's stupid stuff, really. We were getting along so well, and then I was invited to model for this agency a while ago…"

"What? Rach, that's awesome!" I squealed, but she didn't seem half as enthusiastic.

"That's what I thought so, too, but they said that's not gonna get me anywhere and that I should get a real job if I wanna be anyone in life, since I couldn't even graduate high school", she wasn't crying anymore, her tone was angry now. She wasn't angry with me, I knew it. I'd apologized over and over, and I still wasn't proud that I'd let her take the fall for stealing the test, even if I admitted it was me later on. It didn't change anything for her, she was already gone. But I knew I didn't have to say a thing about it. It was her parents she was mad at. "So I'm staying… to prove them wrong."

"You know, parents like yours and mine are often easy to prove wrong", that sentence got a short laugh from Peyton, "You'll kick ass, I'm sure. I'm just sorry that it got you discussing with them again."

"Yeah… me too. I thought things were getting better. And right before I called, they told me they were going back to Tree Hill, and I was coming with them. When I said I wasn't, the whole drama started again. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, I actually gotta go now. If you have any problem finding a place to stay, just let me know and I'll talk to them, ok?"

"Thanks… and take care, please. Call me anytime, if you need to talk, alright?"

"Alright."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, Brooke, I promise! Buh bye", she laughed. "And good luck with your girl."

She hung up before I could reply to that. It didn't really surprise me that she probably knew about me and Peyton already, but it would've been nice if she'd given me some time to talk about it. But that's just who she is.

"Looks like we're moving out", I turned to Peyton, "In a week."

"So she's coming back?" I noticed the tone. She wasn't happy with that perspective.

"No", I squinted my eyes, getting closer to sit next to her, "And why am I getting the impression that you didn't really want her to come back?"

She shrugged. "It's not that I didn't want to, you know… whatever."

A smile crept on my face as I caught her expression. "P. Sawyer, are you jealous of Rachel?" I laughed.

"Of course not!" she tried to sound outraged, but then looked back at me with a softer expression, "Ok, maybe just a little", she bit her lower lip and I raised my eyebrow, "Ok, a lot. I hated when I found out you were living here with her, and that you were becoming friends, and when you got to school together, cause it felt like…" her voice grew quieter, "It felt like you were trying to replace me."

"You know, I'm not gonna lie to you. I was", her eyes immediately found mine, hurt evident in them, and we held each other's gaze. I slowly leaned closer and placed a quick kiss on her lips, "But it didn't take long for me to realize", I kissed her once again, and then rested my forehead against hers, "That no one would ever mean as much to me as you do. That you, P. Sawyer", I pulled away and touched her nose softly, "Are impossible to replace."

I could feel her smiling as our lips touched once again, and I knew the argument was over. We could worry about finding a new place the next day, or the one after that. Whenever I had the strength and self control to stop touching and kissing and holding her, and wanting to be next to her all the time.

Suddenly, I laughed, making her look at me in surprise.

"What?"

"I can't believe you were jealous of Rachel", I couldn't help it, I had to find it funny, cause the idea of being with anyone other than Peyton could never be taken seriously in my head.

"Oh, you find that funny, don't you? How about this?" she started tickling me in all my most sensitive spots, "Still think it's funny?"

I giggled and convulsed in laughter. "Stop it, stop, ok, it's not funny!" She finally stopped, and I put my tongue out in the most childish way I could. She laughed and rolled her eyes, leaning next to me. "Don't you ever worry about something like that again, ok?" I kissed her head and took her hands in mine, whispering in reassurance. "Your heart is safe with me."


	20. Sweet Escape

_Just a little warning: things start to get a bit more physical on the second half of this chapter. Not much, though, and, from my point of view, nothing that would justify changing the rating to M for now. You'll see! I just thought I'd let you know. And since I don't really have experience on writing these things, I'd appreciate some feedback! Thanks!_

_Oh, the chapter title is a song by Gwen Stefani!_**

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**Chapter 19 – Sweet escape**

I knew it wouldn't be long, after Lucas left like that, till the word spreaded. It was only a matter of time till we heard something we didn't wanna hear. Two days, four hours and twelve minutes, to be exact.

We'd spent quite some time trying to figure out how to talk to Haley, and thinking of how mad she was at the moment. It wasn't even about me and Peyton being a couple anymore. It was about the way it'd happened, and how it had affected her best friend. Or at least we hoped that we'd only have to deal with one of the issues, cause this one alone was messy enough.

So, when we heard the insistent sound of the doorbell ringing, I guess you could say we were somewhat ready to face her. But we certainly weren't expecting to have to deal with _him_.

"Mouth?" Peyton asked in shock as she opened the door to see the short blue eyed guy standing awkwardly in front of us.

"Hey Peyton… Brooke", he waved shyly, quickly glancing at the both of us, and we nodded our heads with small smiles on our faces. "Can we… I don't know, talk for a bit?"

He knew. Of course he knew. And he didn't have that big smile on his face that was almost his trademark, and didn't hug us, too, so I guessed the conversation wasn't gonna be exactly pleasant.

Peyton elbowed me softly and I snapped out of my thoughts. "Yeah! Sure, Mouth, come in."

He did, and it was weird, cause it felt like we were strangers and didn't know how to act around each other, what to say or do. "So…" he started, obviously uncomfortable with the idea of getting into the subject, "I don't know if you know this, but… Lucas has been saying some stuff… about you two, and about the way things happened."

"So he didn't send you here?" Peyton was surprised when she asked the question. I didn't really understand why, I never thought that he'd send one of them instead of dealing with us himself. Although, considering the last couple of times the three of us were in the same place together, it wasn't that hard to understand where she was coming from.

"No… but I wanted to come anyway. If nothing else, at least to yell at you for coming back and not saying a word", he smiled in a successful attempt to dissipate a bit of the tension that was clearly present in the room.

"What has he been saying, Mouth?" I did my best not to sound angry, but didn't do a good job at it.

He fidgeted his fingers, nervously. "That… well, he was really angry… he said that you, Peyton, broke up with him and didn't even say why, and that you couldn't even be honest with him about the way you felt…"

"What?" she interrupted him in a loud voice, "I never lied to him about the fact that I wasn't in love anymore!"

"I mean, about Brooke", he finished, quietly.

"Oh", it was all she was able to come up with. And, with that, Mouth got a lot of confirmations. That we were, in fact, together, that Peyton wasn't really honest to Lucas from the start, and that we did let him find out about us in the worst possible way. And I realized that I didn't have the right to be as angry at Lucas as I was.

"It's not like I lied to him, Mouth. At least not on purpose", she motioned for him to sit on the couch opposite to where she was sitting. I didn't move. "I didn't know what I felt. I couldn't put a name to it, you know? It was too hard to accept it", she said the last part in a weak voice, and faced him cautiously. "How is he doing?"

"Not good. He doesn't see things the way you do. And honestly, Peyton, you can't expect him to be rational about it. And you can't expect everyone else to be ok with the way you treated him, either."

"Whoa! Wait a second there!" I had to jump into the conversation at this point, "You're making it seem like we're two monsters."

"Did he really find out about you two right before you slammed the door on his face?" he asked, in an uncharacteristic cold tone. Neither of us opened our mouths to say anything, so the confirmation was silent, but obvious. The way he was saying it, it really made it sound like we were ruthless monsters. "See what I mean?" he finally said in the same tone as before.

"It's not like I'm proud of the way it happened. I was so afraid of saying something and hurting him… and I ended up hurting him even more", she lowered her head, and I was instantly by her side.

"So what are you saying, Mouth?" I faced him while I took Peyton's hand for support, "That we can't count on you with this?" It started out with anger, but then the feeling changed into fear, as I sighed. "You know, this is gonna be hard enough on us as it is. We could use some support. And I don't expect Lucas to be supportive now, and I understand that you, Haley and Skills are taking his side, I'm just asking you not to judge us like that. Cause there's gonna be enough judging from the moment Peyton and I walk out that door and hold hands in public, we won't be able to take it from our friends, too."

He was shaken, I could say. I could almost hear the thoughts in his head, his instincts to protect one of his best friends, and his good nature, to be kind and not hurt the people he cared about. "I should go. I'll see you guys later", he finally said, with an exasperated sigh.

"Mouth…", I whispered softly as he turned around to leave. He heard it, he heard the fear, he heard the doubts, and he knew how hard the whole thing was for me, for us, too.

"This isn't easy for us, either, you know?" he turned all of a sudden, surprising us, "And it's not even that you two are together, it's the way it happened. I think we all need some time…"

"Ok…" I nodded slowly, trying to keep the tears from coming.

"Hey…" Peyton's voice was heard for the first time in a while, as she stepped a little closer to Mouth. "Is Haley too mad?"

I immediately looked at him, waiting for any kind of indication. Truth was, that was one of the things that were bothering me the most, but I didn't have the courage to ask. When Peyton did, I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear the answer.

"She is… dealing with it. But if you wanna know, she's the one who keeps Lucas from going too far when he's talking about you two. I guess she's struggling, too."

"So… she defended us?"

"Once or twice", he allowed a weak smile to form on his lips, and I, without noticing, did the same, as Peyton breathed out a sigh of relief. It hurt to know that she was probably the only one who didn't let Lucas say whatever he wanted about us, and the other ones simply listened. But it was comforting, too, that she was at least seeing things our way, even if it was only sometimes.

"Why didn't she come, then?"

"She just wasn't ready", he answered my question sincerely, "Not yet, anyway. It's been hard on all of us… And what's even harder is that we had to find out through Lucas, that you didn't even tell us…"

"We didn't have time for that! Mouth, it's been like two days! Of course we were gonna tell you, but Lucas beat us to it!" Peyton raised her voice, surprising him.

"It's been more than two days, Peyton. Maybe you weren't officially together, but something was already going on. And I'm not saying you were cheating on Lucas, I'm talking about your feelings. I think… I think we're also having a hard time accepting that you two went through so much for the past months and we didn't even know anything about it."

We looked just about as guilty as two people could, cause he was partially right. But it wasn't like we could go spreading the word about something so serious, that involved so many people. At least not without figuring things out ourselves first.

As I simply nodded to his words, in understanding, he turned once more to leave, and this time, we let him.

"Well, we knew it wasn't gonna be easy, right?" I sighed hard as I got closer to Peyton and let her wrap her arms around me and kiss the top of my head.

"He's right, they need time. But you heard him… we've already got Haley almost on our side", she pulled away and winked at me, making me smile.

"So… you think we should try and talk to her?"

The suggestion left my lips almost automatically. I missed Haley, I really did. And Jamie, god, just thinking about the little boy made me feel uneasy. It seemed like ages ago since I'd last seen any of them.

"You heard what Mouth said, Brooke, she's not ready. We should just do as he said and give them some time."

"But won't it seem like we don't even care? I don't want her to think we don't miss her and…"

"Brooke…" Peyton interrupted me, seeing that I was about to start a huge ramble, "can we not think about all these things now? It seems like it's all we've been doing lately, and, honestly, it's starting to give me a headache. They need time, you know that. If they don't come to us, we'll go to them, just not yet, ok?"

"You're right… we _have_ been thinking about this way too much. I guess I got so used to it that I don't even know what to do if we're not trying to figure things out", I looked at her to find a soft smile on her lips, "What? Any suggestions?"

"Actually, yeah. Go get dressed, we're going out!"

"What? What do you mean, going out?" I laughed in amusement.

"Out, somewhere. I don't care, we'll find a party or a club and we'll dance and forget about the problems for a while. What do you say?"

I let myself smile back at her. It was hard to believe that less than a month ago I was going to parties only to get wasted and forget about the person who was now standing in front of me, probably as scared as I was, even as lost, but still willing to help me out, so that we could find ourselves together.

The place was crowded, which, in some ways, was a good thing, cause no one was paying attention to us. I held Peyton's hand from the moment we got in, and led her to the dancefloor. She was wearing this simple gray dress I always loved in her, her hair loose in soft curls and a smile plastered on her face. She wasn't wearing much make up, and a lot of people in there probably had brighter, fancier outfits and accessories. I wouldn't know. I didn't see anybody else, cause I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. To me, she was the most beautiful person there, so it wasn't even worth it paying attention to any other.

As soon as we started dancing, we were surrounded by these four or five overly excited guys who kept clapping their hands and whistling at us. I raised my eyebrow and faced her, "Do you know any of these people?" I pointed at them, pretending to ignore the fact that they could hear us.

She caught the playful tone in my voice and copied my movements, "These guys? Never seen them before!"

"Thought so!" I replied, once again grabbing her hand when they started to get closer, "Come on, let's find some other place to stay."

We both laughed as the guys started complaining. They didn't even try to follow. We were dancing for a while, when I felt someone's hand poke my shoulder lightly. I turned around, surprised to see Ashley, one of the girls from the cheerleading squad. She squealed and hugged me, before doing the same thing with Peyton.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're both here! Come on, the other girls and half of the team are over there!"

She didn't give us time to protest. Before I knew it, I was once again in front of all my friends from high school. Luckily, there was no sign of Lucas, or the other ones we were closest to. I smiled, but only half meaning it. It wasn't that I didn't wanna see them. But seeing them meant that Peyton and I couldn't be too coupley towards each other. We still weren't ready for the whole town to find out about us.

It was driving me crazy already. She brushed her thumb through my fingers while we held hands, earning a smile from me every time she did it. She wrapped her arm around my waist, when she knew they weren't looking, and I wrapped mine around her shoulders. All the subtle ways she found to touch me and hold me. Yeah, it was driving me crazy. If they paid any attention to us at that moment, they'd simply think we were being best friends. We were always kind of touchy, anyway.

_That's it!_ I thought to myself, after she brushed her fingers through my hair and hugged me. She seemed to have thought the same thing, cause she was the one who dragged me away from them, without bothering to offer any kind of explanation. "God, I hate it that we know so many people in this place", I mumbled, annoyed.

The look on her face made me smile. I knew she was up to something, when she leaned closer to me and whispered, "That's what the restrooms are for."

At first I opened my mouth and faced her with an amused expression. How this hadn't occurred to me before was beyond my comprehension. We rushed inside. Great, only three stalls, and a couple of girls waiting in front of us. Three more girls chatting and fixing their make up in front of the mirror. So we waited, in hopes they'd leave soon, so that we could at least get inside without many people noticing. But they weren't planning on leaving anytime soon, apparently.

"To hell with this! Come on!" she grabbed my hand and we both got inside the last stall, so fast I didn't even have the time to see anyone else's reaction. Not that I minded too much, at that point. We stood face to face, finally alone.

"As from this moment, I'm not too much of a fan of straight bars anymore", I chuckled as I spoke quietly.

She smiled before kissing my lips softly. "What about now?"

"Definitely getting more interesting", I grinned as we kissed again, longer this time. It started out soft and sweet, and, slowly, it became more passionate.

Leaning against the wall near the door, I soon felt someone trying to open the door and mumbling something about how it must've been stuck.

"Did we remember to lock it?" Peyton whispered.

"Lock it? I had other things on my mind, locking the door wasn't exactly my priority!" I defended myself, causing her to laugh while she reached for the door and locked it once and for all.

"Let's just hide in here for a while."

"That sounds good", I replied to her suggestion calmly as she held me. I wrapped my arms around her, suddenly feeling at ease again. The scent of her hair, the soft curls that I kept twirling in my fingers, her simple presence and touch had this soothing effect on me.

She pulled away just so that she could place both her hands on my face and carress my cheeks lightly, placing a quick kiss on my lips. I brought my own hands closer to her face and touched her hair, brushing through it with my fingers. And I just knew I didn't want it to ever end. The moment, the feeling of it, it was undescribable. When we kissed, it was like we couldn't pull away anymore. As if her mouth held the oxygen I needed to breathe.

When her hands slowly slided down from my face to my neck, I knew where this was going. It was like simply kissing wasn't enough anymore. It was way too early to even think about sex, but it didn't mean we couldn't explore a little bit. Carefully, she brought her hands closer and closer to my breasts. My hands were resting on her shoulders, and we never stopped the kiss. My breath got ragged as she started massaging them so subtly I wasn't even sure she was really doing it. It wasn't weird. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and truth was that I'd never felt that way before, with a simple touch. The sounds of the people outside could be easily heard if I was paying attention, but I could only hear the sounds of our uneven breathing, and, and the same time, feel that stillness only she could cause in me.

That lasted until I heard a familiar voice. We parted and Peyton's hands immediately found mine. "I think it's one of the girls", I whispered so that only she could hear. Someone tried, once again, to open the door, and for a moment my heart raced at the thought that people might have noticed that whoever was inside, it'd been inside for a long time. But then again, no one else would stay for so long in the restroom, so maybe I was just being paranoid. It was scary, but exciting at the same time. When we realized the voices weren't gonna stop anytime soon, Peyton shrugged and started kissing me again.

I could never give into a kiss completely. I thought I had before, but compared to that, now I knew that I hadn't. That was why I cursed when I heard Theresa's voice calling our names. But when I checked the time, my jaw dropped. We'd been in there for more than an hour. Hadn't Peyton confirmed, I wouldn't have believed it. So we waited till she left, I gave Peyton another quick peck and, carefully, she opened the door. I was terrified of looking outside and meeting a familiar face, but, luckily, there wasn't any. We left the stall and left without facing any of the unknown girls around. Then we found a small table and sat, laughed and talked, our feet eventually touching, softly.

People might've looked, maybe they did. They might've commented something among themselves. They might've noticed that I couldn't stop holding her hands. They might've caught the look of complete bliss in my eyes as I saw her face and heard her words. None of it mattered. For the first time, I didn't feel like hiding with her anymore. I felt like yelling that I was in love with this girl. That she was all mine, and I was hers. And they could look and say whatever they wanted, it wouldn't change a thing for me.

I had her with me, I could hold her in my arms, and I wasn't gonna let her go. The rest of the world could bring it on. I wasn't afraid.

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_I know, I know, you must hate me for taking so long to update, especially considering I always managed to update at least once a week! Seriously, though, you have NO idea how crazy my life has been, in every possible sense. Good crazy, bad crazy, busy crazy... In one year, I'll have my degree in Law, and I'm on the graduation committee and have to present my final research paper. Not to count more parties than ever, and new people, and lots of confusion in my head, too. So I couldn't even stop to think of what to write here. Again, my most sincere apologies. I promise I'm not abandoning the story, though, I just can't guarantee I'll be able to update again soon._

_Huge thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: **JennVanessa, bohemianxx, Tigger-Babe** (writer's block doesn't give me a break! :p), **craftyns99** (you mentioned Brooke should just enjoy their relationship, so I'm hoping you like this chapter - something lighter, just the girls having some fun), **Teske, spashley20, sheepish123 **(I hope this is still one of your favorite Breyton fics, even though I hadn't updated in so long! Thanks for the review!), **justawritier, kaila5707 **(don't worry, I love the drama, too, hehe! There'll be lots of it to come, that was why I kinda gave the girls a break, just for now ), **visionary88** (I'm still not sure about Rachel, whether she's coming back or not, but I'm glad the most people are liking her on this story. She's not an easy character to write!), **Tiger87, rain1657 **(your reviews are always much appreciated! It makes me feel so relieved, that they're still in character, and I'm able to show that protective side of their relationship. It's probably my favorite aspect about those two! Hopefully this latest chapter was good, too? I hadn't written in so long, I need to know if I still have it in me! LOL!), **TypoKween** (OMG! I swear, when I saw there was a review from you, I almost fell out of my chair! And when I actually read the review, I was even happier. I love your stories, and your writing, and I know how much of a Brucas fan you are and that you're not even a Peyton fan most of the time, LOL!, so the fact that you liked my story, and that it's the only femmlash you ever read all the way through, well, it means A LOT to me! Thank you so much for the support!), **Risen2Fall **(I know, I suck! But hey, I reviewed your story the other day, did you see it? Aren't you proud of me? I'm quite proud of myself for that! :p I miss our PMs! Hope to have some time to write them again soon!), **paulinemcc **(if Brooke had any doubts about the way Peyton feels, I think she's a little calmer now! LOL! And did you see? No Lucas on this chapter again! He's bound to make an appearance again at some point, but I'm trying to postpone this dreadful moment! LOL!), **lizbif** (good to see you reviewing again! You've been missed. And I'm glad you're still liking the way things are going!) and **E. Christianna **(I loved reading your review, and I hope that this chapter wasn't disappointing for you. And don't worry, I'm not abandoning the story! Sometimes I wish I could abandon grad school and the internship for a while, that way I could actually update every week, like before, but it's been impossible!)_

_Hope to see more reviews from you guys, and see you all on the next update (hopefully it won't take this long again, but I can't make any promises)!_


	21. What Affects You

**Chapter 20 – What affects you**

I woke up with Peyton's arms holding me, and my head resting on her chest, and instantly realized that was the reason I'd just had the best and most peaceful dreams. The memories of the previous night, at the club, were enough to put an even brighter smile on my face. And as I moved to look up at her, carefully so that she wouldn't wake up, I knew that she was feeling the same.

Suddenly, seeing her there, with me, reminded me of everything our relationship had been through, since we met. We were little kids then, and, somehow, we found out what love was. What caring about someone else, and protecting someone else unconditionally really meant. We taught each other that.

And, thinking about the way it all happened, what had brought us to that moment right there, I saw it. Looking back, I saw that I _had _given up on us at some point. And maybe she had, too. But the thing was, the only reason I'd given up was because I knew she wouldn't. And when she did, she knew I'd fight like hell to get it back. It was like one of us could only let go if she knew the other one would hold onto it, so that, when she returned – and we'd always come back to each other – it would be safe. Our friendship, our feelings, whatever it was, it would still be there.

It was like the two of us were traveling around with a huge bag. It made us tired, and sometimes we weren't sure if we could carry it, or even why we still did. But everytime we thought of what was inside, it was something so precious, so special to us, that we simply knew we could never leave it behind.

The problem was, for the longest time, only one of us would carry it at a time. The other one would run free and be way ahead sometimes, until the first one got too tired, and decided she wasn't gonna do that anymore. When the other realized that, she'd immediately go back and take the heavy weight with her. It was the other one's turn to run free. But when the second one got tired and put it down, the first girl, who had already decided she was done carrying it, couldn't simply keep going. When it came to a point where she had to make a decision, she'd go back, and before she could think about it, she was stuck with a huge weight on her shoulders, but at the same time, she was relieved, knowing their treasure was safe. And that was the thing with us. Everytime Peyton let go, she knew I hadn't. She knew I'd be right back and I'd take that weight again. Same thing when it was the other way around. Even if we didn't rationalize it, it was something unconscious, maybe even instinct. We simply trusted each other and knew each other in a way that allowed that. It allowed me to let go, knowing she'd fight for me. It allowed her to be free, knowing I wouldn't let her go too far. And that was probably why we were always going back to each other.

But the moment I told her how I felt, and the moment she said she felt the same, everything changed. Suddenly, we saw ourselves at a crossroad. She'd let go, and started walking away. I saw it and was ready to go back, but before she got too far, and before I got too close again, we met halfway. And we decided we weren't gonna keep doing this. We weren't gonna let the other one carry all that weight by herself anymore. We had to make a decision. Either we went back and carried the bag together for the rest of the way, or we'd both walk away and leave it there. Whatever it was, we'd do it together.

When we decided to keep carrying it, barely three days before, we both knew the risk we were taking. Cause, if we were together, we could eventually not be able to keep going, and if that happened, and we had to let go, there would be no one else to carry it for us. The old plan sounded simpler in a way, less risky, but at the same time, we were always alone. Whether we were free, or carrying the weight, we did it alone. And this time, we were gonna carry it together, we were gonna share the weight, we were gonna make the decisions together and, if it got to a point when, before we hit our destination, we couldn't hold on anymore, we'd both leave it behind, and we'd keep walking. Something would be lost, there was no doubt about it. But, even without it, we'd keep going. Hopefully still close to each other, in one way or another.

Looking at her now, feeling her breathing in and out, I could only hope, with all my heart, that we'd get to the end of the road, and that we wouldn't lose anything along the way. At that moment, even thought I knew we had everything to lose, I felt safer than ever. She trusted me with her heart. The least I could do was trust her with mine.

"You think too much, you know that?" Peyton's raspy voice echoed through the room, taking me back to reality. I was surprised to see that her eyes weren't even open. Was I thinking _that_ loud?

When she opened her eyes slowly, I stuck my tongue out in the most childish way I could muster. "I wasn't thinking. Well, not really. More like, letting my mind wander", I grinned.

She smiled and lifted her head up, supporting it with her left hand. "And where did your mind go?"

"The past, mostly", I replied almost immediately, and noticed a hint of worry showing on her face, "But just the good and happy part of the past", I kissed the tip of her nose, washing the worry away, "Cause that's the only part that really matters."

She sat up in a quick motion, causing me to fall back in bed, and put each arm on one side of me so that she was facing me from her sitting position. Then she lowered herself slowly and pressed her lips against mine. But one short kiss, of course, wouldn't do it. God, this girl was addictive. I reached my hands to her neck, pulling her closer for a deeper kiss. Our tongues met and the effect she always had on me was multiplied. I couldn't get enough.

It was hard to believe that there were problems to think about, people to worry about, when every single part of me could only focus on her skin, the scent of her hair, her soft lips brushing through mine and her hands cupping my cheeks. She pulled away long enough to look into my eyes, long enough for me to see her love in them. Not that I needed to see it. I could feel it. I could always feel it. I simply never let myself grasp its complete meaning before.

Her cell phone rang the moment she started to lean down towards me again. I groaned in frustration, causing her to laugh. After a quick peck on my lips, she was up and reaching for her phone while I whined at the sudden lack of contact. She flipped it open and immediately laid back next to me, her warmth bringing me calm once again.

"Hey dad", she greeted him in an unusual cheery voice.

"Hey, Papa Sawyer", I said it loud enough for him to hear, and got a playful slap on my arm from the blonde on my side. She rolled her eyes, and I could hear some of what he was saying. He was surprised that I was around, probably assuming she was still in LA.

"Actually… I'm the one who's back. Yeah, the internship… it just wasn't working anymore. It wasn't what I thought it would be."

I reached for her free hand and took it in mine when I realized he wasn't very happy with the news. She smiled thankfully at me while I brushed my fingers absentmindingly through her arm.

"Dad, it's not like that. And no, I did not come back because of Lucas", she eyed me, half annoyed and half amused by his theory, and I let myself laugh quietly at the irony of it. Larry didn't seem really upset. He was just trying to understand his daughter.

When the conversation started to get boring for me, I decided to have some fun. My hand, which was now resting on her arm, started moving again, brushing through her pjs, right over her stomach, at the same time that I turned to her side so that I could trail soft kisses where my hand previously rested, all the way to her neck. When I got there, I started kissing her more passionately, making her breathing a little faster.

"Nothing, dad, I'm ok. Yeah, promise", it was fun watching her try to keep a steady voice and shove me away so lightly that it made obvious she didn't really want me to stop. Fun, until she sat up so fast that I let out a loud _ouch_ as I fell back in bed on my back. "What? When? No, I'm happy, of course I'm happy, it was just… unexpected, that's all."

I sat up, too, noticing the seriousness of the situation, and waited till she said goodbye and hung up. "What's wrong?"

"He's coming. Brooke, he's coming to see me, in a week."

The words coming out of her lips didn't quite match the slight despair I could hear on her voice. So Larry was coming. That was a good thing. She hadn't seen him in forever. What could be so bad about that?

"He doesn't know anything", she answered my silent questions, slowly turning to look at me, "And not just about us. He doesn't know about the attack, he doesn't know that I haven't even been to my room since it happened…" Listening to the way she talked about it, I immediately realized she wasn't completely over this. It still scared her, still bothered her more than she let it show.

"And you don't want him to know. So you're gonna have to go back to the house when he gets here", I finished her train of thought, easily figuring it out now. I still didn't understand why she couldn't tell him all about the attack. Sure, he was gonna be worried, but things were already ok now. The bastard was in jail, she was safe, there was no danger anymore. He'd worry about what'd happened, but he wouldn't have to worry about what was to come, cause the nightmare was over already.

"I don't even know why I'm so scared of him finding out", she let out with a sigh, as if she'd read my thoughts, "I don't want him to blame himself for not being here, cause it wasn't his fault. And I don't want him to feel like he has to stay now, and put his life on hold because of me."

"He's the luckiest guy in the world for having a daughter like you, you know that?" I touched her cheek softly, taking a strand of her hair away from her eyes, "But he should know, Peyton. I understand what you said, and if you're not ready now, that's ok, but you should tell him, at some point."

She half smiled, taking my hand and kissing it. "Not ready yet."

"So… that means we're going back to the house?" I shivered at the simple mention of the words, just the thought of it scaring me just as much as it scared her.

"What?" her forehead creased in confusion, "No, _we're _not going anywhere. You're staying here."

At first I was angry. At first, I didn't get the subtle hint of worry and protection concealed behind the harsh way she said the words. But the moment I looked at her, ready to ask what the hell she was talking about, I immediately had my answer. She was shaking a little, but repeated the words, firmly.

"You're staying."

"No, I'm not."

"Brooke, just the mention of going back there made your voice shake."

"Yeah, so? It's making _you_ shake, and you're still going", I softened my voice a little and reached to take her hands in mine, hoping that the small gesture would help calming her down.

"You don't have to do this. Really, I wouldn't ask you to…" she looked down and took a deep breath.

"Then it's a good thing you're not asking. But I can't let you do this alone. We both need to get over this, so we might as well do it together", I could only hope that I was managing to hide all the fear I was truly feeling, hoping that my voice wasn't giving me away. "Look, Peyton", my free hand went to the side of her face and touched it gently, making her look at me, "When are you gonna understand that I'm always with you? That I always will be? Even when things are hard and painful. _Especially _then. You're not alone, do you understand that?"

She nodded, quietly, placing her hand over mine, which still rested on her face. "It's just that… when are _you_ gonna understand that I'm always trying to protect you, and always will? It's bad enough that I had to go through these things, but it'd be a million times worse for me if it was you, instead. I don't wanna see you getting hurt, or scared, or in pain, cause it hurts as if it was happening to me. What affects you affects me just the same."

It took a moment for her words to sink in. It wasn't like I didn't know that, but she'd never said it before. Not like that. My heart ached at the thought that, as she was being attacked, she was afraid for me, maybe even willing to accept whatever happened to her, as long as I was ok. When we were apart, and I thought she was happy with Lucas, she wasn't. It was almost as if I could see it now, like a movie, playing in my head. Even when she was smiling, and our eyes crossed in school, when she saw the sadness that mine held, it hurt her, too. It hurt her, because I was hurting. I let her last words linger in my head as I looked into her eyes. _What affects you affects me just the same._

I leaned in closer and let her rest her head on my shoulder, holding her as tight as possible. "Exactly", it was all I could whisper on her ear, before kissing her in a way, I hoped, that showed exactly how much her words had meant to me.

--

"So…" I started, as I grabbed a couple of spoons from the kitchen drawer and attacked the ice cream carton she held in her hands, forgetting to offer hand her one of them and causing her to laugh. It almost made me not wanna get into the subject, afraid that it could upset her. So I bit my lower lip and didn't continue.

"What?" she asked, still smiling. She took one of the spoons from my hand and dove into the cold dessert, too. Then she took some ice cream with her index finger and poked my noise with it. I tried not to look as amused as I was. Instead, I gave her an annoyed glance she didn't buy.

"You know you're gonna have to clean this, right?" I pointed at my own nose.

She grinned before kissing it lightly, just enough to clean it. But when she pulled away again, I didn't let her, and brought her back for a decent kiss. She seemed a little surprise when she looked at me, but didn't mind at all.

"Sorry, there was some ice cream on my mouth, too", I smiled innocently, and she shoved me with a laugh, quickly wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me closer again.

"So, what were you going to say before?"

"Not important", I shrugged, dismissively, even though I didn't mean it. She caught that. Of course she did.

"Even so… humor me", her fingers brushed through my hair as she said the words.

"It's nothing, it's just…" I disentangled myself from our position so that I was sitting up and we were face to face. "I know you don't wanna talk to your dad about… you know, about everything that's happened. But I was wondering… if that includes us", I finished with a quiet voice, not facing her at first. But when I did, I surprised to see her lips curved in a smile.

"Of course not", she touched my chin and stroked my cheek with her thumb, "This", she pointed between herself and me, "is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It brought me back to life, _you_ brought me back to life. I don't wanna talk about the messy stuff yet, but there's no reason not to tell him about the good ones. And you're on the top of that list."

The air I didn't know I was holding left my lungs quickly. "Well, you're on the top of mine too, Sawyer. Well, almost. This ice cream is giving you a run for the first place", I grinned, easing the conversation back to its lighter tone. But there was more I wanted to ask her about, so I stood in silence for a while again. "Aren't you afraid? Of him, I mean? Of what he's gonna say? How he's gonna react?"

We both knew it. It seemed so natural with us, and maybe even to some of our friends, to the people who'd always known us, going from the best friends who were always together, always hugging, touching, sleeping on the same bed, to something more probably wasn't so unexpected. I didn't doubt that there were people who knew it before we did. To us, it felt so right that it became that simple: she loved me, I loved her, end of story.

But, when parents came into the equation, these things became anything but simple. We couldn't ignore the fact that this wasn't… conventional. It hurt to think of things that way, but that was it. When he thought of Peyton being with someone, falling in love and giving her heart to someone, it's doubtful that he ever thought this someone could be a girl. Let alone me. I wasn't exactly the type of girlfriend anyone would want their parents to meet. Well, at least Larry already knew me. I still couldn't decide if this was a good thing, though.

"Your dad's great and all, but I'm guessing this could be a lot to take… even for him", I continued when she remained silent.

"Of course it scares me. It worries me. And, honestly, I'm not expecting him to be thrilled with the news, but I think that, once he's had time to digest it, he'll see how happy I am, he'll see what we have and how true it is, and he'll be happy for us."

"Any ideas on how, exactly, you're gonna tell him?" I relaxed into her arms, focusing once more on the ice cream, "Cause you know, I have quite a few ideas myself", she chuckled at my talking with a full mouth.

"I'm sure they're all great", she rolled her eyes, "but I'll come up with something myself."

"Fine", I pretended to be offended and sat back at the other end of the couch, crossing my arms and doing my best to ignore her as she planted soft kisses along my shoulder and my neck.

"Alright", she finally gave up, much to my disappointment, "Tell me your ideas."

"Nope", I kept my arms crossed, like a stubborn little kid.

"Come on, Brooke, pleeeeease", she whined, "I really wanna know."

She emphasized the word so much that, to me, it only meant she really couldn't care less about it. Hell, _I_ couldn't care less about it, either, but my pouting and her kisses were too fun to stop now. "You're gonna have to do better than that."

"Alright, then", she shrugged, "I guess I'm just gonna shout it out to my dad and then lock him and you in the same room so that you can deal with it, while I go eat some cupcakes at Karen's", she patted my knees and motioned to get up. I reached out to pull her back so that she sat on my lap. "What, you didn't like it? If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Smart ass."

She simply grinned.

"Ok. How about this? You lock yourself inside his closet, and the minute he walks in, you jump out of it and ask if he got the message!"

She stared at me in disbelief for a moment or two before the laughing started. "_That's _your idea?"

"One of the best ones!"

"Then I definitely don't wanna hear any more!"

I wanted to be offended by it, or pout a little more and pretend to go away, but I stood still, enjoying the sound of her laughter. It was always good to hear it, and know that she would be ok. As long as she could still laugh like that, I knew I wouldn't have to worry. That was the good thing about being this connected to someone. Sometimes it sucks, when you see them sad and you automatically feel the same, and on top of everything you feel worried, too. But when they're happy, it becomes even more contagious. Seeing them truly happy brings you some sort of peace of mind that is impossible to describe. And the thought that you had anything to do with that beautiful sound makes you smile, too. Makes it all even more amazing. Makes it all worthy.

* * *

_How much do you hate me for taking this long? Not too much? Ok! In my defense, I warned you I didn't have much time lately. I still don't, but for some weird reason, inspiration decided to strike again lately. I have no idea when I will update again, but I promise you guys will have a new chapter as soon as I can get around to write it! Sorry that I don't have time to reply to the reviews you left for the previous chapter here, but be sure that they were all greatly appreciated!_

_And don't forget to tell me what you thought of this chapter, and, as usual, any ideas or suggestions you may have are always welcome!_


	22. It Was Love

_Didn't take too long this time, huh? I know it's not like before, but hopefully I'm getting better at updating this thing again! As always, I wanna thank everyone who reviewed last chapter: **spashley20**, **rain1657** (both of you mentioned the way Brooke came up with to tell Larry about them, and I gotta say, it was a friend's idea! LOL! The moment she said it I was like 'that SO sounds like something Brooke would suggest'! LOL! So all the credits go to my friend for that one! :p), **craftyns99**, **Shaneaholic**, **Tigger-Babe**, **cellochick373**, **Risen2Fall** (dude, I really owe you an email, don't I? Sorry, promise I'll try and write at some point during this week!), **TypoKween** (as always, I was sooo happy to get a review from you! I hope I didn't take too long this time. Oh, and I'm dying for you to update Sisterhood... you are continuing it, right? Big fan! ), **E. Christianna** and **fojoa** (new reader, yay! Welcome! And I hope you'll keep reading and enjoying the story!)._

_Also, I have a little something for you: if you like this story, and you like some quality Breyton cuteness, I suggest you go right now to my best friend Carol's profile and read her story, All For Believing! I'm proudly her beta, and I can guarantee the story is great so far, totally worth checking out. Plus, it's dedicated to me, just as this one's dedicated to her, so it's good stuff, hehe! Her penname's **unflavored**, so go read and let both her and me know what you thought (I'm always checking her reviews anyway! LOL!). She's got some Brucas oneshots, too, and if you like them, or if you like Brooke's character alone, you should read them!_

_Now, finally, onto the story! Don't forget to leave a review to let me know your thoughts, ok? See ya next time!_

* * *

**Chapter 21 – It was love**

Larry Sawyer had always been like a father to me. My parents were never there, and Peyton never minded sharing her only one with me. Growing up, he was, unlike my own parents, always there on my birthdays and pretty much every special occasion. And he was the one who bought me birthday cakes, he was the one who celebrated with me whenever I got a good grade and he was the one who picked me up in school when I was sick and had to go home. And he did take me home. Cause my house could never be referred to as that. Home was Peyton's house, home was Peyton's room. Home was Peyton.

That was why, the moment she decided to go back to her house, I knew I'd follow. I just knew it, without having to think about it. What I didn't know was how Larry was gonna deal with me and Peyton being together. I knew he loved me, but would he still love me after we told him? Would he want me to stay away from her? Would he be mad at her? The thought of him treating _her_ any differently made me especially nervous. She would be devastated, and I really didn't wanna be the cause of that.

I wasn't ashamed of Peyton, and I wanted people to know, I wanted the entire world to know. But that didn't make me blind to the fact that we needed to be careful. I was afraid. It was strange to admit it, because she didn't seem so worried. And maybe that was what kept me from bringing up the subject at first.

As we packed mostly my clothes, and the few she'd brought with her from LA, and placed all of it in big and soon to be full and heavy boxes, I sighed. I'd missed my friends before, since the whole drama began. But now I could honestly say I missed the guys more than ever. How were we supposed to carry all that crap to the car? I didn't have a clue.

By the end of the afternoon, the day before Larry was supposed to come, most of our things were ready. We'd take them to her house first thing in the morning, next day. And we hadn't even talked about it, about any of it, really. It was starting to make me nervous. She was pretending she was fine, it was like she wasn't scared at all, but I knew her better than that. I still don't know why I didn't ask her sooner. Later that day, when I left the shower right after packing everything, I didn't find Peyton at the house. I found a quick note: _I went for a walk. Don't worry, I'll be back soon. I love you. Peyton._

Being without Peyton was weird. I hadn't stopped to think about it, but we hadn't been apart since the day she came back. Not once. As the minutes turned into an hour, I ran out of distractions. And that was when I started missing them. My friends. Not because they needed to move the stupid boxes. No. I simply missed them. Especially Haley and little Jamie. My mind took me back to right after he was born, not many months ago, even though it seemed like a lifetime. The way I could hold him and forget about everything. The way I could look into his bright eyes and find the innocence I was so desperately looking for. I thought of Hales and how much she helped me the day I found out Peyton was leaving to LA. And I remembered how close Lucas and I had gotten after she left. How he was the only one who could, somehow, pull me out of that nightmare and give me some kind of peace of mind, just by being there. No, it wasn't fair on him. Losing her that way, when he'd done nothing wrong. Finding out about us the way he did.

_Damn it, Peyton, why are you taking so long?_

I didn't wanna think anymore. Everything I was trying to avoid for so long was coming back. She had the power to make everything go away when she was with me, but now that she wasn't, there was nothing I could do. And maybe I needed that. I needed to stop running. Truth was that I was terrified that I'd lost them. All of them. And it was so scary that I almost didn't wanna find out if that was indeed true. But I had to.

My hands reached for the phone almost instinctively, calling one of the numbers I was so familiar with. When the person picked up, though, I lost all my nerve as soon as I heard the voice, and hung up. Pretty stupid thing to do, too, when you're calling someone with a caller ID. I waited nervously for a few minutes, but my phone didn't ring. I sighed. Maybe I _had_ lost them, after all, if they didn't even bother calling back.

I was surprised to feel tears rolling down my cheeks at how real the possibility was becoming.

"Brooke?" Her voice echoed through the big living room, getting no response from me. And then she must've noticed I was crying, cause she was sitting by my side in a heartbeat. "Brooke, what's wrong? What happened?"

For some reason, the sound of Peyton's voice and her soft touch on my face made me cry harder. I covered my face with my hands, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. "Honey, you're scaring me. Why are you crying, did something happen while I was away?"

"_What happened?"_ I repeated her question, lifting my head up to look at her. My voice came out somewhat accusing, although I didn't know why. "What's happening is that we're losing our friends, and we're not doing anything about it. What's happening is that I'm James' godmother and I haven't seen him in a month. And your father's coming tomorrow, and I don't want him to hate me, cause he's basically the only family I've got left, except for you. What's happening is that I'm scared, and you're acting as if everything is fine. I'm scared, I'm just..."

I never finished the sentence. Before I could, she reached for both my hands and made me turn so that we were face to face. "Shh... it's ok", I felt her hands brushing the tears from my face, and then she let her hand linger there.

"It's not ok", I said, exhausted. "Don't tell me it's ok, when you don't know that."

She was gonna say something, but before she could open her mouth, we were both silenced by the sound of my cell phone ringing. I froze immediately, knowing who it was before having to look at the small screen. Peyton looked at it, and then back at me in shock. We both simply stood there, facing each other and not daring to pick it up.

"Is that why you were upset? You talked to any of them? Did they say anything?" She ignored the ringing device and focused on me. I shook my head. "You're pale", her hand found my forehead and then brushed my hair. I relaxed to her touch, taking my hand to where hers was and holding it tight.

"I'm just scared."

"So you've mentioned it", she took one last glance at the phone and pressed a button, choosing to ignore the call. "Come on", she got up and took my hand. I followed. When we got to the bedroom, she waited till I was lying down to arrange the covers over me. Then she went to the other side and lied down, too. I turned so that we were face to face while she covered herself, too, and got closer to me, our foreheads almost touching. I couldn't help smiling when she touched her finger on the tip of my nose. "There you go, all better now."

We both smiled in the comfortable silence, until she became more serious. "I _am _scared, Brooke."

"I know", I replied without thinking. "I know you're trying to make this easier, and I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me."

"And what's with the phone call?" she ran her fingers through my hair when I closed my eyes, trying to keep more tears from coming.

"I called Haley", I admitted, much to her surprise.

"You did?" she raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Well, not really. I mean, I did call, but I hung up the moment she answered", I laughed unenthusiastically, "I chickened out."

"Brooke..." she got even closer and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"I know, I know... they need time, right?" I snuggled closer to her. "You wanna know the truth?"

She pulled away slightly so that she could face me. "What?"

"I just think that, between us going back to the house, and your dad coming and us telling him about our situation..." I took a deep breath, "All of this is gonna take a lot of us. It's not gonna be easy, especially for you. I just think we could really use some friends now. Not on their own time, but right now."

"Ok…" she lifted her head up and kept looking at me, sighing, "You wanna know a little secret?"

I didn't reply, just kept looking at her, raising an eyebrow while she brought her lips closer to my ear and whispered, "You worry too much about me."

I shivered to feeling of her breath so close to me. If felt good. But I still didn't get it. "What? You don't want me to worry about you?"

"I love that you do, Brooke. And yes, I'm scared, and yes, it's gonna be hard to go back, but I know we can handle it. You, Brooke Davis, you make me strong, remember?" she touched my chin lightly to that my eyes met hers, "And you're pretty much the strongest person I've ever known, but if you're questioning this now, then that's what I'm here for. I'll make you strong, too, just like you make me", she finished with a gentle kiss on my lips, which made me smile. "And that's why I _do _know we're gonna be ok."

"And your dad?"

To that question, her expression stiffened a little. "I'm trying not to think about it just yet. I was thinking of just waiting to see what happens", she attempted a smile, which I returned, right before kissing her.

"Good plan."

X – X – X

It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was partially covered by white clouds, but that didn't keep its rays from shining upon the whole town. And at the same time it wasn't too warm. Perfect for our moving out. As I took a step outside of the house carrying a particularly heavy box – my punishment for waking up late and not helping Peyton with the grocery shopping – I noticed my eyes still weren't used to the light. It was true: we had been spending too much time inside the house the last days.

I seemed stupid to be afraid of seeing our friends, stumbling into one of them while going out for a walk and having them turn their backs on us. But thing is, we had gotten so comfortable inside the little world we'd created for ourselves over the past 10 days, that it was hard to leave it and face the real one, where everything _wasn't _perfect, where it wasn't just the two of us. And moving out of Rachel's place was the undeniable proof that we were leaving that little perfect world behind.

Te box was so big that I could hardly see where I was going. I was doing great, though, till I tripped over something – probably my own foot – and was getting ready to fall to the ground, when I felt somebody's arms wrap around me. It couldn't be Peyton. She wasn't that strong, her skinny ass would probably have fallen with me.

"Whoa, Peyton's already got you doing all the hard work, huh?"

I actually dropped the box when I heard the voice, and stared at him wide eyed.

"Nathan…" I let out with a whisper, still not quite sure I believed he was right there.

And then, when I didn't think I could be more surprised, Peyton showed up with someone else behind her, someone who was smiling hesitantly and waving quietly at me with one hand and holding her baby with the other.

"We thought…" Nathan started, "You know, we thought you might need some help carrying all that stuff around."

My attention turned to Peyton, who winked at me and motioned for me to get closer to them while Nathan took care of the box which was now on the grass.

I didn't know what to do. Should I just go and say hi as if nothing had happened? Or should I started by apologizing? And if so, what exactly should I apologize for? I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling there was something.

"Hey… it's… it's been a while, huh?" my voice almost cracked, but I was able to get the words out, somehow.

"Yeah, it has", Haley replied, "Your godson missed you, you know? I swear, if he could talk already, he'd probably be asking about aunt Brooke every five seconds."

I took a look at Jamie in her arms. He was so much bigger than I remembered, but he still had the same features. The same peaceful face, the same chubby arms and bright eyes. My eyes welled up in tears at the sight of him, and I didn't even have to ask before Haley placed him carefully in my arms.

"Hey, buddy, how have you been?" I rocked him, and he laughed at the sound of my voice. Haley and Peyton just watched us, satisfied, "I missed you, too, you have no idea", I said the last words lifting my head up to look at Haley and Nathan. They knew I wasn't just talking to Jamie.

He always managed to get my full attention with his little blue eyes, and this time was no exception. Before I knew it, Nathan has already loaded the car and was coming back near us. He kissed his son on the forehead, and we just stood there. It was amazing how comfortable it was, even with the silence, to be near them again.

And then the little boy started squirming a little and was about to cry.

"He's just hungry", Nathan explained while he took his son and glanced at Haley.

"His bottle's in the car", Haley indicated, and, with a nod, he left to go get it, leaving just the three of us in front of Rachel's house.

"Haley…" I said, at the same time that she said 'girls', and we smiled nervously. "Ok, you go first", I decided.

"Ok…" she started, taking a deep breath, "I hope you can understand why I didn't come before, and how complicated the situation is, I mean, with Lucas and…"

"We know", Peyton interrupted softly.

"And we understand", I continued, "And we're sorry, too. That's not how we planned that things would go, we didn't want him to get hurt, but it just… it just happened."

She nodded understandingly. "I know it must've been hard, but you could've called, you could've told me, at least let me know you were here", she stopped for a moment, facing us eye to eye, "It hurt that I had to find out about something this huge through Lucas. I get it that you'd keep it from Nathan or the Rivercourt guys, but me?"

My heart ached as soon as she said the words. "I was scared, Haley, and I'm sorry. Everything was so… new, it still is. Most of the time we don't even know what we're doing. And it'll take a while till we have it all figured out, it's just… really scary", I finished, and Peyton walked closer to me to hold my hand.

"We were both scared. I know you deserved better from us, though. Thing is, can you forgive us? Can you… are you ok with this, are _we_ ok?"

She stood in front of us, her eyes directly aimed to our joined hands. The silence was suddenly overwhelming. Then Nathan came back with Jamie. "We've got a situation here, Hales."

Her eyes then turned to her husband and son right at the same time we all felt the not so pleasant smell coming from the little guy. "Nathan, can you… can you take Jamie home? I'll be back in an hour or so."

"Sure", he felt the tension, and didn't bother asking any questions, "I'll see you then", he kissed her and waved at us, "It was good seeing you two again. Don't disappear, ok?" and then he gave us a smile that showed he meant his words.

Nathan's behavior made me feel better, but Haley's was still worrying me. "We know this can be a little weird for you, and it's ok if you need some time to get used to it."

"No..." she looked straight at us, shaking her head, "No, that's not the problem. I mean, it was certainly a surprise, but it explains a lot. It explains Brooke's breakdown when she found out Peyton was leaving, and why you two were avoiding each other at school, and… well, I guess to any person who knows you two long enough, it shouldn't be such a big surprise", she laughed nervously. "But that's not the point. It _is_ a little weird, I won't lie. It's probably gonna take a while till I can get used to it, but that doesn't have to change anything. I know you two, of course, not nearly half as much as you know each other, but I know you enough to know that you wouldn't hurt Lucas on purpose, or any of us, for that matter. I know you're my girls, and I love you, and… well, and the rest, we'll sort it out, right?"

I almost didn't let her finish, I jumped on her direction, hugging her as tightly as I could, and smiled when I felt her hugging me back. "I love you, too, Tutor Mom."

When I pulled away, she hugged Peyton, too. "Thanks for coming here, Haley. I know it means a lot to her, to us, actually, so… thanks", they smiled, and then Peyton couldn't help adding, "Could you just tell Lucas that... that…"

"I've been saying that for a while now", she replied, already knowing what Peyton meant, "and don't worry, he's gonna have to accept it at some point. I'm working on it", she winked at us, and I knew we were fine. "Now…" she walked towards my car, "You need some help with the moving? Then you can tell me the whole story while we work."

We got in the car and I turned the ignition on. "So, where do I begin?"

"Why don't you start with when the hell did all of this happen?" She asked in a light tone.

"What? Me, falling in love with Peyton? Too easy, we were eight…"

"Brooke… eight? You don't fall in love when you're eight years old!" Haley laughed.

I shrugged. "It was the first time I saw her. And from that moment, you may not call it falling in love, but I just knew she'd always be in my life, cause I would never let her go. Maybe I didn't _know_ it was love then, but it was. A different kind of love, perhaps, but definitely love", I turned to face the blonde girl standing right beside me, on the passenger's seat. She was looking at me, dumbfolded by the sudden declaration. "Hear that, P. Sawyer?" I asked softly, reaching to hold her hand and giving it a light squeeze. She let a single tear fall before nodding slightly.

I dared to look at the backseat, and Haley herself wasn't much different than Peyton. At that moment, I knew she could see exactly what Peyton and I meant to each other, she could see it was just like her and Nathan. And she understood. In her smile, I could see it, it said it all.

"So… next question?" I asked suddenly, before I got too emotional to keep driving.


	23. Alone

_No, your eyes do not fool you! About time too, huh? Well, I'm not sure if anyone's still reading this, but I hope some of you guys are still with me. Unfortunately, I can't promise I will update more often from now on, but things are starting to settle (finished law school, graduation party in two weeks, studying like hell for the bar examination) and I have more free time now, so I really hope I will get to write more often. I sure miss it. Oh well, please let me know if I still got it or if the writing totally sucks now - and if it does, give me some time and I promise I'll get back on the game! :p_

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**Chapter 22 – Alone**

"Brooke, you ready? He's supposed to get here in an hour", she knocked on the bathroom door, but I didn't reply. I was too busy freaking out. Really, _really_ freaking out. When I kept in silence, she knocked again, "Brooke, are you ok?"

_Take a deep breath, control yourself. You've known Larry your entire life, he loves you. He loves Peyton, he wants her to be happy. Haley was ok with it, Nathan is ok with it, it's all good._

"I'll be out in a sec", I replied, confidently, after repeating the same words to myself for the seventeenth time over the last minutes.

_It's all good._

With one last deep breath, I opened the door, ready to face what was to come. Or at least as ready as I could be.

Moving back wasn't so bad until now. Maybe because we still had Larry to worry about, so we barely had time to worry about the other things. And sure, she still hadn't gone to her bedroom. Haley and I had put all the stuff there while Peyton organized things at the kitchen and the living room. It wasn't easy for me, either, I couldn't control the knot on my stomach I felt every second I spent there, and I could only imagine how much worse it would be for her. So for now we were using the guest room and its bathroom.

"So… an hour, huh? You think he's gonna bring me a souvenir?" I grinned, sitting next to her on bed.

With the way she looked at me, I knew she knew just how nervous I was, but she didn't say anything. She just took my hand and placed light kisses all over it. "Well, considering he always brings us something, I'd certainly expect a little treat. Maybe he'll even bring something to Jamie, too. He said he can't wait to meet the little guy."

"Speaking of Jamie…" I looked back at her, deciding to ask what had been on my mind from the moment Nathan kept me from falling a few hours earlier. "You didn't have, by any chance, anything to do with our friends coming to visit and talk after all this time, right after I freaked out about being afraid to lose them, did you?"

"I might have had a little something to do with it", she seemed pretty happy with herself, "Alright, I may have stopped by their place before going grocery shopping this morning, while you slept your lazy ass off, and told them a certain hot cheerleader friend of mine needed to know her friends were still there for her."

I couldn't help the smile that formed on my lips. I wrapped my arms around her neck, bringing our lips closer. "You're the best, you know that?" And then she closed the little distance between us. My hands went to her shoulders, carefully pushing her down so that she was laying in bed, and I was standing right on top of her. I took a moment to simply take in her beautiful face, and slowly lowered myself to kiss her again. When I did it, she flipped me over so fast that, before I noticed, she was on top of me.

"Remind me again why we haven't started doing this like two years ago?"

I pulled her closer and whispered, "Because we're stupid, stupid girls."

And that was when the front door opened, thankfully making a loud noise. "Peyton? You're home?"

Hearing Larry's voice was all it took for me to take all the dirty thoughts out of my mind, and I started hyperventilating. "Brooke, look at me", she placed her hand on my cheek, directing my gaze to meet hers, "We're fine, don't worry, ok?"

When I nodded, she pecked me quickly and headed to the door, "I'm here, dad!", and then she ran to his arms.

X – X – X

Jamie giggled as I made a face to him for the tenth time on the last minute. It never seemed to stop amazing him, and the effect his laugh had on me amazed _me_, too.

"So, why aren't you with Peyton, again?" Haley asked, bringing a tray full of cookies and juice to the living room. When I failed to answer, pretending I didn't hear her question, she eyed me suspiciously. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm just… I don't know, with Larry here, it's like I have to be careful all the time, you know? In the way I look at her, the way I act and talk around her…"

"But… I thought you were gonna tell him."

"We were. We _are_. But now that he's here, it's even harder than I thought it would be."

For the past days, Haley and I had grown closer again, something I was very grateful for. With Larry around, her place was where I had been running to when I needed some fresh air. Larry, Peyton and I spent the whole day together when he arrived. I don't think he noticed anything, because, honestly, we weren't acting much different than the way we used to when we were just friends. But, by the end of the day, before we went to bed, he asked us if we were staying in the same room, and, when Peyton said yes in the most obvious way, he had a weird expression on his face. We invented some lame ass excuse as to why we were staying in the guest room for the night and he was even more suspicious. We knew that, at some point, we were gonna have to face it all. Both Larry and the room.

It was relatively easy to avoid it at first, when he was too busy talking and catching up with his daughter to focus on anything else. But a couple of days later, I knew things were gonna start getting complicated. And that was when I started avoiding both of them and running to Haley's, with the excuse that Peyton needed some time alone with her father. And that was three days ago.

She took the baby from my hands, gently placing him on the baby mattress which laid between the two couches. I watched her, not too happy to not have little Jamie in my arms anymore. But then she sat next to me and took both my hands on her own.

"Brooke…" she started, but didn't know how to continue. Instead, we simply stood there, looking straight into each other's eyes. And in my friend's eyes I found pretty much all the understanding and comfort I needed at that moment.

"It's ok", I finally whispered, risking a small smile and tapping her hand softly.

"Hey, look at me", at hearing her words, I lifted my head up, slowly, "I wish I could promise things will be easy for you two. I wish I could say that I'm sure Larry will see how happy you make her, and he will be fine with it. I _could_ say that, just to make you feel better now, but you know it doesn't work like that. Unfortunately, it doesn't."

"It shouldn't be this hard", I whispered after a while, lowering my head again.

"Has it ever been easy, Brooke?" Haley's tone was sweet as she went on, "With you two?"

I shook my head slowly, with my hands covering my face.

"And has it ever stopped you?" I could almost see the smile on her face.

"Maybe I'm finally getting tired."

I didn't know where that had come from, but from the look Haley gave me, she had misunderstood it.

"That doesn't mean I'll give up, Hales. I fought too hard to give up now", I risked a smile, "I'm just tired."

"Well, good thing you have a place to run to, then, right?" she sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, right when Jamie began to cry in front of us. She motioned to get him, but I beat her to it.

"Hey, little guy… what's wrong, huh? You wanna play with aunt Brooke, do ya?" I tossed him in the air, causing him to giggle in joy.

Haley smiled at the scene. "I missed seeing my baby with his godmother like that."

"I know, I missed this, too", I said truthfully, turning my attention right back to the smiling baby who had the power to make all the bad things go away.

Before I knew it, a couple of hours had passed. And I only noticed because Haley mentioned it was time for Jamie to eat. I checked my cell phone and was surprised to see four missed calls. All of them from Peyton.

I couldn't point out the moment when her calls began to make me nervous, but that was where we were at. It still made me happy to see her name on the small screen. But now that feeling brought along a great deal of anxiety, too. Every time the phone rang, a million ideas of Larry finding out about us ran through my head at once. Hesitantly, I dialed her number and waited.

"Brooke, finally! I was starting to get worried. Everything ok?"

"Hmm… yeah, I'm at Haley's, helping her with Jamie. What did you do today?"

"Not much. But you know, my dad's been spoiling me with more cd's then I can possibly listen to, so we went to the mall. He wanted to buy some stuff for him, too." She remained in silence for a while, and when I didn't say anything, she went on, "We wanted you to come, too, but you wouldn't pick up the phone." She wasn't mad, but she did sound a little hurt.

"I'm sorry, Peyton", I sighed, "I swear I didn't even hear the phone ringing."

"It's ok…" she sighed too, "I've just been missing you lately."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of something to say. I knew this conversation was gonna come sooner or later, but I still wasn't ready for it, yet. But then again, I didn't think I ever would be.

"You're home?"

"Yeah, got here about an hour ago."

"I'll just say goodbye to Haley and Jamie and I'll be right there, ok?" I hung up the phone and followed Haley to the kitchen, where she was preparing her son's bottle. "Hey… I know I said I'd help you with Jamie until Nathan got back, but would you mind if I went home now? I guess Peyton and I need to talk."

"Say no more", she raised her hands and offered a smile before hugging me, "Just talk to her, it'll be ok."

"I know", I whispered, even though I wasn't so sure myself. "I'll see you soon."

I walked to my car distracted, slowly, hoping I could avoid the conversation to come, at least for a few more minutes. I have no idea how I managed not to hit any other car while I drove, because my mind was anywhere but on the road. I took a deep breath as I hit the brakes and parked in front of the house.

It was a surprise that Larry wasn't watching tv in the living room or having a snack at the kitchen – that was where I usually found him when I got home. Instead, I noticed the blonde wavy hair I loved so much from the back of the couch. She turned to face me as soon as I walked in, and gave me half a smile.

"Where's your dad?" I looked around one more time for him.

"Out. He wanted to go to Karen's after the mall. I told him, this morning, that Lucas and I broke up, so he didn't insist much for me to go. How's Jamie?" She quickly changed the subject. Lucas wasn't exactly our favorite person to talk about.

"He's an awesome little baby. I love spending time with him…"

She got quiet, really quiet, and avoided eye contact. My smile faded, her face bringing me back to reality. I sat next to her and brought her closer to me, kissing the top of her head. "Sometimes it seems like…" she pulled away a little, just enough to face me, "Like you like spending time with him, with Haley, with Nathan, with anyone else better than with me."

I knew it was coming. I imagined how exactly she was gonna put it, and what it was gonna feel like, but the tone she used, she seemed so insecure, and so sad, that I almost started freaking out, but soon found a way to stop myself. She didn't need that.

"I know", I started, quietly.

"You're not getting sick of me, are you?" she laughed, but I knew the gesture held more fear than humor.

I was about to take her in my arms and kiss her. I was about to hold her and never let her go until she realized just how much I needed her and loved her. Anything to make her see how wrong she was at her assumptions. However, before I could even move, the front door opened and Larry walked in. I quickly wiped a tear from my eye and we both turned to the tv, pretending to care whether McDreamy chose his ex-wife or his intern girlfriend. Peyton was even quieter now, she barely acknowledged her dad's entrance.

"Hey girls", he was quieter than usual, I noticed even before he focused his gaze on me, "Brooke, we missed you today at the mall", he said it in a tone that got me a little confused. He seemed a little uneasy.

"Yeah, I… I was helping Haley with the baby", I replied apologetically, keeping an eye on Peyton, who stood still, staring at the television.

"Oh, it's fine. But I got you something, anyway. Peyton helped me", his lips twitched in a smile, his normal self coming back for a moment, which made me feel even more guilty, as if we were doing something terrible keeping this from him. Looking at her right now wasn't much easier than looking at him, though. I made an effort to smile back as I thanked him. "Peyton, have you seen Brooke's bag? I think I put it here somewhere…"

He went through some bags, but she stopped him. "It's upstairs in her room, dad. Brooke can open it before she goes to sleep. And speaking of sleep, I should be going, I'm really tired", she enveloped him in a hug and he held her for a while, kissing her forehead while saying good night. She walked up the stairs before I could say anything.

And I was alone with him. Everything in me hoped he wouldn't have noticed much of what had just happened, but worried as he was, I knew I hadn't been so lucky. "Is she ok?"

My eyes closed and I bit my bottom lip with a sigh he didn't see. Hesitantly, I turned from my position on the couch to look at him and was able to smile. "She will be." Usually, the words would leave my mouth with much more safety than this, but he trusted me. When it came to Peyton, I knew Larry trusted me, maybe even more than himself.

But when he raised his eyebrows so quickly I almost didn't notice, my heart beat faster on my chest. "Brooke…" That was it. I might as well pass out at that moment to stop the inevitable. Somehow, I managed not to. "Why haven't you girls been sleeping in Peyton's room? The guest room is half the size."

"Well, I… I mean, she… we just thought that…" I wasn't ready for it now, I hadn't even come up with anything to justify that. But he spoke again before I could try.

"Brooke, Karen told me."

I was already a bit pale since he'd walked into the house, but after that, I must have looked transparent. I had to sit back down on the couch. "You know… sometimes people hear something and they turn it into something else, something that's not entirely true…"

"How can they be mistaken about an attack, Brooke? Something that involved the police and someone going to jail?" As he said the words, it seemed like all the blood that had drained from my face went to his, he was getting red with anger and frustration. But, at the same time, I allowed myself to take a deep breath and consider myself lucky that he was talking about the attack. At least maybe now he would understand why we weren't sleeping in her room.

"She begged me not to call you", I started, and soon realized that it seemed like I was trying to put this all on her, so I tried to fix it, "But only because he went straight to jail, and she didn't want you to worry. She didn't want you to have to give up anything because of what happened."

"I can't believe she didn't tell me", my heart ached for him. I knew he would have come the minute he knew, and that he would want to be here to help her through it. "How was she, how… is she ok now?"

"She's… dealing. It's just hard to go to that room for now, you know? But she went to LA, she refuses to let the fear stop her from living her life. She's stronger than everyone gives her credit for", I smiled, while he kept looking at the stairs, in her room's direction.

"How about you, Brooke?" he surprised me by asking.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You were here too, weren't you?"

"I'm ok. Really, it's scary sometimes, at night, when I'm alone, but most of the time… he's fading away. He didn't get what he wanted, we're fine, and he's in jail. I try to keep that in mind when I get too scared. We both do." It was true. It still scared me, but there were so many things happening that this didn't take priority.

He moved from his position and come closer to me, until he enveloped me in a warm hug. "Thanks for saving my girl's life."

"No problem." _She's my girl too._ I didn't find fitting to say it out loud, but it was true. "You're not mad at her, are you?" I asked, biting my bottom lip.

"No, Brooke, I'm not. But I do need to talk to her about this. I guess she got so used to not having a dad around that she's not used on calling me even when she absolutely needs to, like when something like this happens."

"She knows you love your job, she doesn't want you to give it up because of her."

"She's the most important thing in the world to me. I love my job, yes, but I love her so much more…"

"She knows", I was quick to say it, not to leave room for doubts.

"I'll go talk to her, ok? Do you mind staying here for a while? I promise I won't take long." He was already going up the stairs, so I just nodded to let him know I didn't mind.

"Take as much time as you need."

He nodded and I turned the tv volume up and continued to watch whatever was on. Some time had passed already, and I started to get sleepy. I decided to go up and just check if Larry was still there and if they were still having a serious conversation, or if they had already moved on to everyday subjects, in which case I could just barge in. I got closer to her room, the door was closed but I heard him saying Ian's name. Figuring it wasn't the time, I turned around to leave right when I heard him saying something else.

"Peyton, honey… it's actually not just about this guy that I wanted to talk to you about", my heart beat twice as fast at this, "While I was at Karen's, that wasn't the only thing I heard about you and Brooke."

I should have listened some more, to see where he was going. I should have made sure I was around, in case he reacted badly. But I lost all nerve and simply ran back down, to the living room, deciding it would be better to sleep there for the night. Not even a minute after I did, Larry left Peyton's room, and all I could hear was a goodnight, and him saying they would talk about it some other time. Good, she'd bought some time. But I was sure he wouldn't let this go further than the next day. And I was so not ready yet.


	24. Let Go

_First of all, thank you so much to everyone who's still with me on this story, and those of you who reviewed the last chapter! I'm glad you haven't given up, and I'm really really sorry for abandoning the story for so long. You know, sometimes life is a bitch and it just gets hard to keep writing, especially when the story is so related to your life that you can't seem to write it anymore without bringing back certain feelings you need to let go of. Hope you can understand._

_BUT **I'm back now**. All done with Law School, graduation, exams, and I am currently in my apartment all day doing nothing, so there's plenty of time to wrap this baby up. I've got the general outline for this, but there's still a lot to go! From now on, **I'll try to update at least once a week**. That is, if anyone's still interested, of course. I'm not proud of this chapter, but I had to write it in order to move the story forward and get it where I want it to go. I've tried to rewrite it a few times, but I still don't like it much. Anyway, I promise I have a plan, and **it will get better**! Sometimes people just don't act like you expect them to. Trust me on that one!_

_Oh, and last but not least, **I'm working on a story of Rachel and Quinn, from Glee**. If you guys would be interested in reading it, let me know, ok? I wanna have at least 5 chapters ready before I start posting it, so that I can be sure as to where I'm taking the story and don't get lost in it later. But it would be cool to know if you would like to read it! That's it... **please review** and let me know your thoughts on everything, ok? Take care!_

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**Chapter 23 – Let go**

My eyes barely rested all night, anxiety took over me. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling anymore, but it still bothered me. At the first rays of sunshine, I decided to leave the house for a while, to think about things, what to say, exactly. To think about Peyton, and why I was avoiding her so much the last days. I knew I loved her, and being with her was something I wanted for so long. But I guess I never really thought of everything we were gonna have to face once we got together, concerning everybody else. I considered how being with each other was going to affect our own relationship, but not other people's lives, and, consequently, our own.

I didn't know if it was due to the fact that I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, or that I was thinking so much about everything, but I didn't notice him until I literally ran into him.

"Mouth!" My hand went to my chest as I took a deep breath and tried to find my voice. To my surprise, it was a little raspy.

"Brooke, hey…" It was still awkward, how could it not be? It hadn't been that long since he'd been over to the house. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but when he took a second to really look at me, his expression softened a little. "Are you ok? Don't get me wrong but… you don't look too good."

_Gee, thanks. _I rolled my eyes, but remembered he was probably right. "Just… some stuff." It didn't feel right to talk to him about it. Peyton should be the one, since I hadn't even talked to her yet. But I really wanted to just listen to someone saying it was gonna be ok.

"Whatever it is, Brooke, if it's bothering you this much, you know you can still talk to me, right?" His eyes met mine before he went on, "Have you had breakfast? We could go eat something and you can tell me, what do you say?"

Even though I hadn't noticed, the mention of breakfast reminded me that I was actually hungry. "Sure, let's go."

I told him about Larry coming back, and how I was keeping some distance from Peyton because of it. I started talking about the previous night, but decided against it. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, but part of me wasn't ready to admit Peyton and I were already having problems. Better yet, that I was already causing her trouble.

"Can I ask you something?" he stopped and waited until I nodded, "What changed? When I saw you two, you seemed so… so sure, you know?"

"I am", I immediately said it, and then let out a sigh, "I am sure, Mouth. I just… never thought it would really happen, and now that it is happening, I don't know... It's real, you know? Suddenly, it's real, and it scares me so much."

"So why are you telling me all these things, and not her?" He asked with a smile. "She probably thinks you're not even sure anymore, Brooke, she probably thinks you're questioning everything, and she needs to know that you're not. You don't wanna ruin this before you even start."

His words worked as the reality check I needed. He was right, of course he was. I was finally getting my chance, and I couldn't waste it, especially for such a stupid reason. So I thanked him, finished my coffee and made my way back to the house.

I heard the yelling even before I approached the front door, and froze for a moment. With my eyes closed shut, I silently hoped it wasn't what I thought it was, but it became harder to ignore the truth when Larry's voice kept saying 'you and Brooke' over and over, and Peyton's voice was sad and really quiet. Immediately snapping out of it, I decided to go inside and face whatever I needed to face.

But before I got to the door, it flung open and she passed by me so fast I almost didn't see who it was. It wasn't until I reached for her arm and pulled her that she even noticed I was there. Her face was red and tears were still running through her cheeks.

"Peyton, what's going on?" my hand instantly went to her face, to wipe her tears, but she shoved me away.

"Don't", she shook her head, avoiding eye contact, "Don't you dare saying anything now." Seeing her arms around her own waist, I knew she was being defensive, and I also knew she was really hurt. I'd already screwed up.

"P. Sawyer, I…" I tried, but truth was I had no idea what to say.

"I can't believe you let me do this alone, Brooke", she said it in a whisper, and then she was gone. I wanted nothing more than to run after her and make it all better again. But I couldn't find the strength. I'd ruined it, before it even started.

X – X – X

_Come on, Rach, pick up the phone, please… _After she left, I could only move when I realized Larry was still in there, and probably wouldn't be too happy seeing me at the moment. I tried to find her, I tried calling, but she obviously wouldn't answer. I'm not certain why I dialed Rach's number, but she answered before I could think about it.

"Brooke? What do I owe you such honor?" she answered in her usual tone.

"Hey Rach…" We hadn't talked in a while, and now that I had someone listening, I realized I had no idea what to say. Good thing it was Rachel too, Peyton would be even more pissed if I found her only to stutter and act like an idiot – again – in front of her.

The sigh on the other side of the line showed me she understood I wasn't calling just to say hi. "What happened?"

"I think… I just screwed things up with Peyton", I managed to keep the tears from coming so that we could have a conversation.

"So… let's see if I got this right…" she started after I told every detail of the past days and she listened carefully, "You were happy when she told you she didn't wanna keep this from her dad, then he gets there and you don't spend time with her anymore, at all, and yesterday you didn't even talk to her, and she thinks you're sick of her and her dad found out and wasn't happy about it… and you're, what? Sitting pathetically on a bench of the park talking to me?"

"Hey! I'm not… in the park", even I rolled me eyes after I said it, and got up from the damn bench, "Look, I tried calling her, I looked for her and I have no idea…"

"Come on, Brooke, you know Peyton better than she knows herself, if anyone can find her, it's you. You're just scared, so you convinced yourself you can't. I love you and all, but if you just stay there and do nothing, I'm gonna have to call you an idiot."

"Wow, and here I was expecting some comforting words from a friend considering…"

"Honey, if you really wanted that, you wouldn't have called me", I opened my mouth to say something back, but she kind of had a point. Plus, there was no time, she kept on going, "But you did, which only proves that what you need right now is someone to tell you to get up your ass and do something to fix this mess you made."

"But what if…"

"Na-ha! Less talking, more action! She loves you Brooke", the last sentence was a bit softer, "She's just scared, like you. Stop giving her even more reasons for that, ok?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before thanking her and hanging up the phone. She was right, I _had_ to know where to find Peyton. It was like my job to know these things. The phone rang again, not giving me a chance to think. My heart started beating twice as fast when I saw her name on the screen. I swallowed hard before picking it up.

"Hey…"

"Brooke, it's me", his voice didn't sound any better than mine.

"Lucas?" what the hell was he doing with her phone? Had she gone to him, of all people? I instantly sick to my stomach and couldn't say much more.

"Look, I'm just calling to let you know she's safe, and I knew that if I called from my phone there was a chance you wouldn't pick up", his voice was a bit sad at the last statement, but it was obvious from the tone of the conversation that this wasn't the time to bring it up.

"Lucas, wait!" it seemed like he was going to hang up, and I needed to know where she was. I waited to make sure he was still listening. "She went to your place?" The question may have sounded a lot more bitter than I originally intended it to.

For a few seconds, there was no answer, which led me to think he _had_ in fact hung up on me, but then he spoke again. "I got home, she was in front of my house, I don't know…"

I hung up and never heard the rest. And I didn't care if it was a good idea or not, or that I was pretty sure I felt some anger on his voice, too, I needed to see her. If he wanted to yell at me, he could, if _she_ wanted to yell at me, she could, if she wanted to call me names, I'd let her. And then I'd tell her how much I need her near me and how sorry I was and I'd find a way to fix everything. Good, at least now I had a plan.

Once I got to the front of Lucas', though, it all became much harder than I had anticipated. The simple act of moving my feet and getting to his door took more courage than I thought I had.

"She left", his words found me before his eyes did. "About five minutes ago."

It was hard to know what to make of it. The situation seemed too bizarre to make any sense. Didn't make sense that she would go to him in the first place. He must've noticed my look, because he didn't wait until I started asking questions.

"I don't know why she came to see me, Brooke." There was something he wasn't telling me, and it was driving me crazy.

"Did she say something?" I tried to keep calm despite the knot in my throat that told me I didn't wanna hear anything else.

"She… I mean, she just…" he stopped himself, "She was confused, and I was an idiot. Look, whatever's going on, you need to talk to her, not me. I won't get in the middle of anything."

"Get in the middle… what do you mean with that? Lucas, what did she…?"

"She left me to be with you, isn't that enough?" he yelled, "So leave it, Brooke, just go, and when you find your girlfriend, tell her to stay away from me too, I'm sick of this." There was no time for me to say anything else as I was met with his door slamming shut on my face.

The worst thing about moments like this is to be left wondering what could've happened. The thought that she may have told him she wanted to get back together with him, or that she may have kissed him, or who knows what else, it was probably worse than knowing for a fact that something did happen.

I didn't know what to do now. Going back to Lucas was something I never thought she would do. She was so certain when she said she didn't love him anymore. But then again, so was I when I told her about my feelings for her, and there I was, days later, already hesitating. And what did that mean for us? Was she regretting her decision to break up with him? To be with me?

That seemed like too much to handle, and all I wanted to do was go home and… I didn't even know. I was too tired to even think of what to do next. Going to Rachel's house wasn't an option anymore, her parents had already come back. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Peyton's house. Larry could be there, it was unlikely that he would let me go to the room without saying something, and that wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to. But she could also be there, even though it wouldn't make much sense that she would go back so soon. Thing is, even though I was scared of what she would say or do when she saw me, I really wanted to see her.

The door was locked, and I found myself sighing with relief. The house was probably empty. Still, I took a look around and didn't see anyone or hear anything. On my way to my bedroom, something caught my attention over the counter. Between the mail, there was a big envelope with Victoria's Secret logo on it, addressed to me. I grabbed it and rushed upstairs, already opening it on my way to my bedroom.

"Brooke?"

My heart beat faster with surprise, fear, happiness, all at the same time, as I saw her sitting in bed. And then it sunk when I saw her face, stained with tears. I dropped the letter and moved closer, carefully. From the look on her face, she was just as surprised to see me there as I was to see her.

"I… I didn't think anyone was home", I said quietly. There was so much to be said, and yet, I couldn't think of anything.

"My dad is… out, somewhere", she let out a bitter laugh, "Guess he didn't want to stay around me after…"

Silence again. Should I apologize now? Should I confront her about going to Lucas? Something told me none of those were good ideas. I took another step towards her and, seeing that she wasn't stopping me, I sat by the bed, near her. I couldn't face her, though.

"Where were you?" she asked, quietly, too, catching me by surprise.

"Looking for you", a simple answer seemed to be the best one at the moment. Simple and true.

"Brooke, what's going on?" she's tired, I can feel it n her voice, but she doesn't sound angry, "One day we're ok and then my dad's here and you're barely talking to me. Are you… are you wishing we hadn't…"

"No!" I made sure to interrupt her so that I wouldn't have to hear the end of the sentence. "No, Peyton, and I hate it that I made you think something like that."

"What else was I supposed to think?"

"That I was scared, maybe?" It wasn't an accusation, I said it calmly, hoping it would make her understand where I was coming from, "You know, with your dad here, and with the whole situation with Lucas…"

The moment I said his name, I felt the knot in my stomach again. But I wouldn't confront her now, I knew I had my share of mistakes, and right now I wanted to make things better, not add up to the list of things that were keeping us apart.

"I guess I panicked", I continued, still focusing my gaze more at the bed or the floor than at her, "And last night, before we could talk, your dad wanted to talk to you, and this morning…"

"You weren't there. This morning, you were gone, and I had to hear everything he said, and get out of the house, and you weren't there." The sadness in her voice made it harder to listen, "I know that it was something I was gonna have to face, and I know he's my dad, not yours, but I still thought I wouldn't be alone in this. And I was."

"Peyton, listen to me. I love you, ok? Don't you dare questioning that now, not after everything we've been through to get here." I dared to get a little closer and take her hand in mine, grateful that she didn't pull away. "I just got scared."

"And you think it hasn't been scary for me? But I didn't run away the first chance I got."

"No, you just ran to _Lucas_ the first chance you got", I replied, and immediately regretted saying the words.

She got out of bed and away from me.

"This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come here", part of me wanted her to tell me it wasn't, that she was glad I was there. When no words were spoken, I got up too, "I guess we both need some time."

She let me go away, and as much as I wanted to, I didn't look back.


	25. Be Sure

_Thank you so much for your reviews! I was glad to see there are still a lot of people reading this. I apologize for not updating for more than a week, but this time it's not even because I didn't want to. I'm at my parents place, and our wi-fi isn't working so I can't access the internet from my laptop, which is where the entire fanfic is. The only computer with internet access is this jurassic desktop one I'm using right now! =D And since I'm staying here, maybe for one more week, I didn't want to keep you waiting that long, especially after I'd promised to update often. I am writing a lot! The next chapter is pretty much done, just needs some polishing, and I'm already starting the one after that. So next week... definitely a new chapter again! Thanks again for reading. Hope you like it!_

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**Chapter 24 – Be sure**

It was the stupidest reason for being away from her. I mean, this whole fight didn't make much sense. I had hurt her, sure, and I sort of abandoned her to deal with Larry, but I didn't really do that. It was a matter of bad timing, I went for a walk and he decided to bring it up while I was away. What if he did that on purpose, and waited until they were alone, so that they could have a father-daughter talk? In that case it wouldn't be my fault. And even if it was my fault, was it really that bad? What about her and Lucas? What had happened between them? I hadn't had a chance to ask. It was all very stupid.

"Hey, did you sleep ok?" Haley walked in with some cookies and a glass of juice. When I left Peyton's place, there was nowhere else I could go, and as much as I didn't like bothering her and Nathan, I had to turn to them. Of course, Haley guaranteed it wasn't any trouble, and it did seem she liked having me around, so I stopped worrying.

We'd talked the day before, she scolded me and I was surprised she didn't ground me, too, but, as always, she calmed me down and made me believe things weren't that bad. She even offered to talk to Lucas and try and find out what had happened. I thought it was something Peyton should tell me herself, though, and didn't want to go investigating anything. I just needed to clear my head.

"Not really", I replied and took the juice, along with a cookie, hot from the oven. "Hmmm, my god Hales, those are delicious", I guess she understood what I said, despite my mouth full of cookies, cause she just smiled and rolled her eyes.

She sat by the bed and placed the cookies between us, taking one for herself. "Ok, Nathan and I are taking Jamie to get some shots, and then we'll stop by Karen's and get Lilly. She needs to run some errands and asked us to babysit for a while. You wanna come with us, or sulk in bed all day?" she grinned.

"Is it ok of I stay in? Maybe I'll go, try and talk to her later. Right now I just need to… I don't know, rest. And get ready for Jamie and Lilly later", I returned her smile.

"You'll be ok by yourself? I can stay if you want to."

"No, go take care of this godson of mine. I'll be fine here."

Being alone wasn't something I was looking forward to, but I wouldn't keep her from doing her stuff. And as much as her presence helped me, there were things I needed to figure out by myself.

X – X – X

They'd been out for half an hour, and so far I had already done the dishes, organized some of Jamie's things on the living room and ate most of the cookies. Anything to keep me distracted. Maybe staying alone wasn't such a good idea, after all.

A knock on the door interrupted my current task, which consisted in looking for a DVD to watch that didn't include Teletubbies or the Backyardigans or soothing baby music videos. I ignored it at first, seeing how Haley and Nathan would have the key and anyone else would be looking for them and not me. Plus, I wasn't in the best mood to talk to anyone.

When a few minutes passed and whoever was outside still hadn't given up, I opened the door annoyed, only to find Peyton standing in front of me.

"Good, I see your mood's just as good as mine", she stepped inside the house unceremoniously.

Still blindsided by her visit, I closed the door and turned to her. She had a letter in her hands. The one I had dropped to the ground the day before, without reading. The letter I didn't remember existed until she handed to me.

"They want you in New York… by the end of the week", it was hard to decipher her emotions, but her tone was definitely softer. "I'm sorry I read it, it was already open when I saw it."

"No, it's ok", I replied while trying to scan the letter as quickly as possible. Victoria's Secret was interested in my clothes. They wanted to have some meetings, talk to me, and maybe I'd get a deal. "Oh my god, that's…"

"Huge", she finished. I was gonna go with scary and impossible, or maybe even crazy. I saw the smile on her face and was suddenly confused. "Brooke, it's Victoria's Secret, it's New York!"

It was hard to tell if she was happy for the opportunity or because it was a chance for her to get rid of me. Ok, I knew it was the first one. I was happy too, but could it have come in a worse moment? Was I supposed to just go and leave things this way? Just go, without Peyton?

"But… if they like me and the line, I'll… I mean, apparently, I'll be moving…" It wasn't written anywhere, but it was pretty easy to assume that.

"I guess so", ours eyes met, I could already tell she didn't have the answers I was looking for.

"And if I did this, I'd have to stay there for at least a week, which means I should start packing and planning everything… soon. Like, now." I should be jumping with joy for the possibility of a deal like this, the possibility of moving to New York and doing what I love. It felt a little empty though, to even think of all of this without Peyton by my side. To think of leaving Tree Hill now. She hadn't exactly jumped in and offered to go with me. "Without you", I finished in a whisper, with my head down.

I heard her take a deep breath and felt her walking a bit closer to me. "Brooke… it's not like you're already moving there, you'll just go, stay a few days, and then we'll see what happens. Please, don't take this the wrong way, but maybe it'll be good for us, to get some distance. Everything happened so fast…"

"Do you regret it?" I had to ask. From the things she was saying, it didn't seem like it was over, just that we needed time to sort it out, but I needed to be sure.

"Of course not", she replied without hesitation, which was a relief for me. "But you remember how we talked about what would happen if anything went wrong?"

My heart sank at her words, but I nodded.

"That's why I think you should go, and I will stay, just for a few days, so that we can both make sure we won't hurt each other anymore, Brooke, cause we've been doing this, even when we don't mean to. And maybe some time apart would help us figure out why."

"So you… don't hate me?" I made my best puppy face at her and earned a smile.

To my surprise, she got even closer and held me. "I could never hate you, you know that", she whispered in my ear, causing me to wrap my arms around her, trying to keep her as close as possible. I missed her, in every possible way. "You just… hurt me."

Slowly, I pulled away, taking my hand to caress her cheek. "I hate that I did that."

"I hate it, too, because I can see I did the same to you", she looked into my eyes like she hadn't in a while, reading me, "I shouldn't have gone to Lucas' yesterday. I'm sorry. It wasn't because I missed being with him, or because I wanted to be with him. He's just… it's safe, and it's familiar, you know? And with you, it's… unknown territory", she defined, after giving it some thought. "It was stupid, but nothing happened, Brooke. I swear."

If she said nothing happened, I believed her. But it was strange, considering the things he said when I met him there.

"You don't believe me", it seemed more like a statement than a question.

"I do", I tried to think of a way to put it without sounding accusing, "It's just that when I talked to Lucas he seemed… he said he acted like an idiot, and he was pissed, really, at you, at me."

"That was my fault. I was the idiot, to go there and cry about it to him, he misunderstood and… tried to kiss me."

I felt the bile rising in my throat and turned my back on her.

"I was a mess, ok? For a split second, I even thought about letting him, but then I thought of this stupid best friend of mine who had been ignoring me for the past days, but who I still love more than anyone else", at this point, I felt her hand on my shoulder causing me to turn back around, "And I knew I could never do anything like that to her. So I'm sorry. Sorry for even thinking about it, but you have to know… I was confused. I still am, about the way you've been acting. But I didn't do anything, and I wouldn't."

I was so relieved I almost forgot about all the problems and just wanted to kiss her. But something was telling me it wasn't the best time for that. "Are we ok, Peyton?"

She didn't reply it right away, it made me nervous. "It's not that simple", she sighed, taking a couple of steps back. "Let's wait this week and see what happens, ok?"

I did try to keep my eyes from welling up with tears, but it became too hard as I nodded and didn't say a word.

"I just wanna make sure we both know what we're doing, Brooke. And that we won't hurt each other again."

"Ok… if you think it's better, then… I'll get everything ready to go to New York tomorrow night. Can I stop by tomorrow?" she looked at me a bit nervous, "You know, to get some of my stuff?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Stop by after lunch."

The moments of awkward silence were the worst ones lately. When we would just stay there, looking at each other and not knowing what to say or how to break the evident tension. So we didn't. I fidgeted my fingers as I looked at her.

"I guess… I should be going", she motioned her head to the door and risked a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok", I nodded.

She did the same and went to the door.

"Peyton…" her name came out a little chocked, but it was enough for her to stop as she was reaching out for the door handle. She stopped, but didn't turn around.

I walked to her in a haste and took her hand from the door, causing her to look at me. And then I just kissed her. It may have been stupid and she could be angry, but I didn't care, I had to, I couldn't stand the silence and the distance anymore.

The surprising part was when she kissed me back. For a moment only, until she pulled away. Enough to let me know she wasn't giving up on us.

"Brooke…" she was the one with a few tears in her eyes now, that I gently wiped away.

"I know", I smiled, sincerely now. "I just… miss you."

Based on the time it took for her to look away from me and actually open the door, I could tell she felt the same. And that was enough for now.

X – X – X

The sound of the doorbell was unfamiliar, which was understandable, considering the few times I had used it in this house. Given the circumstances, though, I found it fit to ring it, hoping Larry wouldn't be the one to answer.

It took her less than a second to open the door. Her eyes were a bit puffy and her expression seemed tired. The smile on her mouth didn't quite reach her eyes.

After she'd stopped by Haley's place the day before, I relaxed a little. I still hated being away from Peyton, but something in the way she talked and acted made me so sure we would be ok. It didn't take long for Haley and Nathan to go back with the kids, and I had a very long, but nice day. I told them about New York, and they insisted on having some celebratory dinner, I was so thankful that they were being supportive. I even slept well at night. From the looks of it, the same couldn't be said about Peyton.

"Are you ok?" Hello didn't seem as necessary as this question.

"Yeah, I'm fine", she stepped back, "Come in."

I did, but wasn't convinced. "You don't think you're gonna convince me with this 'I'm fine', do you?"

"It's nothing, Brooke, really. So how's the preparation?"

_Subtle, P. Sawyer, very subtle._ My eyes rolled but I didn't want to push it for the moment. "Great, ticket is bought, hotel booked, now all I need is some of my clothes and I'm all set." It still didn't feel right that she wasn't going. But mentioning it again wouldn't change anything.

It took me less than 20 minutes to get everything I needed, and during this time it occurred to me that the house seemed a bit too quiet.

"Can I ask you something?" the question was directed at her, my eyes weren't. I took a quick scan around the hall, careful to not miss a sound, but the house was silent.

She tensed. "I guess so."

"Where's your dad?"

Her eyes closed. She moved from one side of the room to another, never getting too close to me, and finally stopped by the window. "He had to go", she said simply.

"What? What do you mean, he had to go? He just… left you here, like that?"

"He just stopped by for a visit, he would have to go in two days anyway", she tried to justify his action, but I could see it in her eyes, that they had hurt her.

"Right, in two days, not now." Since she didn't say anything to that, another thought came to my mind, "Is that why you said I should come after lunch? Cause he would already be gone?" I asked in the softest tone I could manage.

"If he saw you here he could start saying things again…"

"What did he say to you?" I realized that I was still to ask about their conversation. "I mean, was it really that bad, Peyton? I never thought he would…"

"It was… a shock, for him, you know?" Her voice told me it was a bit harder than that. "He freaked out at first. He said it wasn't normal, that he would never find it normal, and that maybe I shouldn't be around you anymore", she was getting emotional, but it was important to let her talk. She needed to talk about it, and if I hadn't been there to help her, the least I could do was listen. "And then he went on and on about how this was probably his fault, because he was never around and now I wanted to get his attention or something. After I came back yesterday, he was calmer, he apologized for some of the things he said and admitted he was taken by surprise and said some things he shouldn't have. But he's so not ok with it, Brooke. He kept saying he loves me, that he'll always love me, but that he had to go."

If my heart could literally break, that's how it would be by now. Every word from Larry directed at her, I somehow felt they were directed at me, too. And every tear she shed, I knew she wouldn't be crying if she wasn't with me. If I had kept my mouth shut about my feelings for her. If she had stayed with Lucas, would her life be easier now? As much as I refused to believe any of that – and if I was completely honest to myself, I knew I didn't – the fear of seeing her hurting sometimes almost made me believe it was, in fact, all my fault. Sometimes it was hard to keep in mind that she didn't love Lucas anymore, so she would be even more miserable with him, or that being with someone just because it's easier doesn't make it right. In fact, most of the time it's the exact opposite.

Seeing her like that was too much for me, and I wasn't about to screw up again. Without giving it a second thought, I dropped my bag to the ground and reached for my cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" She asked from the spot of the bed she was now sitting on.

"The airline, I'm cancelling my ticket", I replied fast, right before someone answered and I turned my attention back to the phone, "Hi, my name's Brooke Davis…"

The phone was snitched out of my hand so fast I didn't see it until she waved it in front of me again. "Are you crazy? You have a meeting tomorrow night, you have to go."

"I don't want to anymore." I pouted. It was true, completely, one hundred percent true. She had spent too much time alone, and even when I was close, she still had nightmares sometimes, she still got scared to be in the house by herself. Larry didn't seem to care, oh well, I surely did.

There it was, that cute smile again. The real one, that could make me smile too, even at a moment like this. "Yes, you do. I'm a big girl, I'll be ok here."

"But you haven't been alone in this house since…" There was no need to say it, we both knew, "And what if you have a nightmare, what if you get scared and there's no one…"

"I won't let you waste a chance like this one just so that I can wake you up if I have a nightmare, that's crazy", she tried to reason.

"Is it crazy that I don't want you to do this alone?" her expression softened even more at my words, "It was one thing when your dad was here, but just you, in this house?"

"If you cancel that trip, I'll call Victoria's Secret myself and tell them to hire someone to kick your ass", she tossed my phone back to me, earning a well deserved tongue shove on her direction, which caused her to giggle. God, I missed that sound, it was so good to hear it again.

"So you'll go to New York with me!" I grinned at the only idea that seemed to make sense. We were already starting to move on from that awkward phase again, she didn't seem as mad at me as she was before, so why not?

"I thought we'd talked about this already", she sighed. "I have to stay." I could notice a hint of sadness, though, as she refused my offer to go. "It's still not ok, Brooke, everything that happened. All the things we both did. So I have to stay, and you have to go. And I also think that it's about time I started dealing with this, don't you? That I stopped being scared all the time."

"Peyton, what happened to you… you have all the right in the world to be scared."

"But I can't use this as an excuse for the rest of my life, now, can I?"

I shrugged. "Well, it is a pretty good excuse if you ask me."

She leaned forward to reach my hands and pulled me closer to where she sat. I just stood there, in front of her, until she spoke. "Thank you", her hands still held mine, "I know you worry, and that means so much to me. But I'm serious, I'll be ok here."

"You know that if you're not, if you can't… you can call me, right?" I took one of my hands from hers and used it to brush some of the hair from her face. It killed me that I couldn't hold her right now, that I couldn't make everything ok for her. She leaned to my touch, and finally placed her hand right above mine, and nodded. "Ok…" I kissed her forehead, letting my lips linger for a brief moment before pulling away. "You better take care."

"I will", she replied, and I gathered up enough courage to turn away and go, but not before writing down the name and phone number of the hotel I'd be staying in. "Hey Brooke…" I quickly turned back when she called my name. Our eyes met, and after what it seemed like minutes, she finally spoke, "Kick some ass in New York."


	26. Meetings

_Next chapter is here! See? I am updating more often now! \o/ As always, thank you for the reviews, I hope you like it._

_For those of you who didn't see it and who are interested, I posted a little oneshot I wrote this week, of Quinn and Rachel from Glee, called I'll Be There. Check it out if you like the fandom!_

_Oh, and Happy Holidays everyone! I will probably post something before New Year's, but if something comes up and I don't, I hope you have a great one with lots of celebration and parties and hot guys or girls, whatever rocks your boat! =D Thank you so much for sticking with this story for one more year, I promise I will finish it in 2010! LOL!_

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**Chapter 25 – Meetings**

I held the phone nervously and waited for him to pick up. I still had the whole day, since my flight was only the next morning. When he did, I gulped and spoke. "Hey… I guess you know who it is, huh? I was wondering if we could meet, somewhere. I mean, you can't be far… it's fine, I'll go meet you. Thanks."

Just one more problem I absolutely needed to solve before going to New York. I took the car and rushed to the place we were meeting, going over everything I needed to tell him in my head.

The place was a small cafe right outside the town, a nice place that reminded me of Karen's. There were only a few clients, making it easy for me to spot him.

"Brooke", his voice was so much different than all the other times he had called my name. I used to feel so much love and appreciation, now he addressed me almost as if I was a stranger. I expected no more than that, in fact, I was relieved he'd even agreed to see me and talk.

"Hi…" I said quietly, sitting down across from him and trying to get comfortable, something that seemed almost impossible given the situation. "Peyton told me you left, and I just…"

"I thought my daughter wasn't talking to you."

"Well, she's not. Not really", I looked down, and hated to see he seemed relieved by that. "Larry, look, you've always been like a dad to me, too…"

"Brooke, don't, please", his tone softened a bit.

"I know you don't like the idea of Peyton and me. And that is completely understandable, you get here and suddenly someone springs that in you, you need time to get used to it. But your daughter needs you. I get it that it's hard to stay, but she's been attacked. She shouldn't be alone. She needs her dad."

"I love Peyton", he stated, as if he needed to make sure I believed him.

"I know you do", I said calmly.

"You obviously love her too, otherwise you wouldn't have come to talk to me."

"She's had enough people walking out of her life, she shouldn't go through something like that again", I whispered.

It took him a while to say something else. "I just can't deal with it… you two, together."

"I won't be around this week, I have something else to do. And don't get me wrong, Peyton can deal with this on her own, she's one of the strongest people I know. It's not even just about the attack, she misses you so much…"

"I'm sorry, Brooke, I can't", I sighed in defeat as he stood up to go. He turned back, looked at me, and I kept waiting for him to say something. "Could you do me a favor and… not mention to her that we met?"

I smiled sadly, "I wasn't planning to."

Turning on his back again, with a quick nod, he left.

X – X – X

"So Miss Davies, besides the designs we've seen, what else do you think you can offer the company?"

It was a bit intimidating at first, the huge office building, the executives waiting for the meeting. But as soon as I sat down, they made me feel comfortable, and everything was going smoothly, it became easy to talk to them. So far, they seemed impressed. Good thing I had been rehearsing the answer to a bunch of their questions, so I was hardly caught by surprise. It usually came down to showing interest, knowing what you wanted and why you wanted to work there, and being confident in your own work. I answered the latest question with something along those lines.

"I think that's all we needed to know for now", the youngest woman in the room, that couldn't be much more than thirty, spoke and smiled at me, "We'll call you in a couple of days and let you know about our decision, ok? If all goes well, we'll have some more meetings to determine the exact terms of the contract. But let's not jump the track here, right?"

"Right", I smiled back and shook her hand when she reached hers to me, doing the same to the other three people in the room, "Thank you so much for the opportunity. You can be sure I will work hard and prove I'm worthy of what you're offering, if you give me that chance." With one final nod, I left the room, feeling pretty confident I had conquered something there.

I decided to walk back to my hotel. It was five blocks away, and I didn't mind walking around New York. It still wasn't late night, some people were leaving work, some were heading for dinner somewhere, some seemed to be simply walking to clear their minds, like me.

It was overwhelming, being here. The city made me feel alive, somehow. The light on the streets, the park, the energy seemed to emerge from the sidewalks. As soon as I landed and checked into the hotel, I went for a walk in Central Park. It was perfect, and it amazed me how the city noises disappeared if you went far enough. I was still in the middle of Manhattan and could only hear the people around me. No traffic noises whatsoever.

As I expected, my first instinct when I settled in the hotel was to call a certain fake blonde best friend of mine. I didn't, figuring she would appreciate the space. And trusting she would let me know if she needed me. But less than a day had passed by since I'd last seen her and I already missed her. As I walked through the park, I realized that maybe she had a point, when she said we needed this time to ourselves. Alone. It was important that we found ourselves without the other one first, so that we could have a healthy relationship, not a co-dependant one. After I decided I would make the most of my trip, by myself, I still missed her, but I convinced myself that was normal. I just wouldn't let it make me miserable. After all, I knew she would be ok. I had to trust her, too, to be alone on her own. The conversation with Larry replayed over and over in my head, and I kept thinking if there was something else I could have said or done, to make him stay in Tree Hill. In some ways, I felt like I was intruding something, I mean, who was I to tell him what to do about his daughter? But I had to try. It didn't work, but at least I tried. And at least I knew he didn't want to kill me or anything like that. He was simply lost.

The five blocks went by so fast that when I realized it, I was already in front of the hotel. As an excuse not to go inside yet, I extended my way a little bit to get some food, something fat and delicious to celebrate the apparent success of my first meeting.

When I was still halfway through my cheeseburger, the phone rang. It was Rachel.

"Hey!" I answered, still with my mouth half full.

"God, Brooke, have some manners, will you?"

Her usual bitchy tone already brought a smile to my face. "Sorry", I said before I swallowed and went back to my normal voice, "What's up?"

"First, you tell me. Things didn't seem exactly perfect the last time we talked."

"Yeah… it's still a little messy, but I think we'll be ok, eventually. How about you, Rach?" I'd been talking so much about me that I hadn't asked her how she was in a while. And I remembered there were some times she sounded less than great on the phone.

She first replied with a sigh. "It's… kind of why I called. I think I'm going back to Tree Hill."

"What? Why? How about modeling?" I held the phone between my shoulder and my neck while I tried to get an extra bite of my food.

"It's not working so well. Apparently I don't have the discipline that it takes."

Of course. "What, you're getting late to work or something?"

"No, more along the lines that they pretty much want me to stop eating."

"Oh my god, what are they thinking?"

"They said my body is not right yet, but it has potential."

"If you lose like half your body weight? Rach, that's ridiculous." I looked at my cheeseburger and suddenly felt bad for her. "You're not doing what they want, are you?"

"I… I really wanted to do well and I would hate to go back to my parents and prove they were right about me. But I don't feel well lately, Brooke."

Hearing her talking about this suddenly gave me an idea for the next meeting with Victoria's Secret. Hopefully they liked the first impression they got of me, and they would call me back. And now I knew just what to say to impress them. I hoped so. If it didn't impress them, maybe I wouldn't want to work to these people.

"Whatever it is that you're doing, please stop, Rach. You're all alone there and I don't want you to get sick. Please, just take care of yourself. But… don't go back to Tree Hill yet."

"Go back? Why are you saying 'go back'? You're not in Tree Hill?"

"No", I paused to have a quick sip of my Sprite, "I'm in New York. And if everything goes according to my plan, you'll be here too in a couple of days."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's just a thought, but please please just… hang in there for one or two days. If this doesn't work, then you go back to Tree Hill and we'll figure something else out, alright?"

"Thanks, Brooke", she said sincerely, "Now are you gonna tell me what you're doing there?"

"Just a meeting", I didn't want to go around telling people about this until I had an answer first. "I'll be here for a week, max, and then I'm back."

"You're really not telling me, are you?" it sounded like she was feeling better now, until I heard the noise of a door slamming open and she changed her tone again, "Shit, gotta go, roommate's here, and she's wasted again. Bye Brooke, thanks again for everything."

"Take c…" There was no time to even say goodbye, she'd already hung up.

My mind was now filled with some new ideas, and I decided to work on them, I wanted to be ready in case they called, and it wasn't like I had much more to do at the moment.

X – X – X

Almost an entire day had gone by, I had spent almost all of it in my room, working on the new project. Every single time the phone rang, my heart raced. It did only twice during the day, Nathan once, to gloat about Jamie, as always, and some telemarketing person about some offer I couldn't miss. I listened to the first one carefully and sent Jamie kisses, and cut the second one short as soon as I found a chance.

I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed to go eat something, when the phone rang for the third time. Not recognizing the number on the caller id, I took a deep breath before pressing the button and answering the call.

"Hello?" I was pretty sure my voice was shaky.

"Miss Brooke Davis?"

"Yes, that's her", I tried to steady my voice not to sound as nervous as I was.

"This is Dianna, from Victoria's Secret. I apologize for calling at this time", I took a quick look at the clock when I heard her, and was surprised to see it was almost 8. Way past working hours. And they were calling me one day earlier, I didn't see that as a very good sign. When decisions were made too fast, they usually were against change, not for it.

"No, it's no problem at all."

"I know we said we'd call you tomorrow, but we talked about it and decided we would be happy to have you working with us."

She was silent after the news, waiting for a reaction from me that didn't come instantly. "I… I don't even know what to say, thank you so much."

"We think you have a great future, Miss Davis, and we will be happy to help you with it. Can we meet again, tomorrow, at 2 o'clock?"

"Of course!" I realized I was now sounding a bit more enthusiastic than it should be professionally acceptable, so I tried to tone it down a bit. "Yes, sure, at the same place we met yesterday?"

"Yes, is it alright with you? We'll go over your ideas for the project and maybe some marketing strategies, too. So be ready for it."

"Actually, I'm already working on some things."

"Really?" that seemed to please her, "Well, we look forward to hearing about it, then. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok, thank you, again, so much. Goodbye."

Hanging up the phone, I felt like skipping around the room, or the entire hotel, for that matter. I was confident, and expecting they would like me, but it was still hard to believe something so amazing was really happening. I changed to go out, as picked up the phone again as soon as I had my foot out the door.

"Rachel! Look, I just got the call, and I got it! I got it, I'm gonna work with Victoria's Secret, can you believe that?"

"Wow, Brooke, that's great!" she wasn't as happy as she was trying to make herself sound.

"You know what the best part is? Now all I have to do is show them my project and I think I can find a way to get you here."

"What are you up to?"

"Trust me, ok? I have a meeting tomorrow, at 2. As soon as it's over, I'll be calling you and letting you know. Wish me luck! Cause if it works for me, it works for you!"

"You convinced me! Good luck then. Bye."

"Bye", I hung up right when I left the hotel, and headed to a nice restaurant a few blocks away. Eating alone was never a problem for me, it actually gave me a chance to enjoy the food without having to make small talk during the meal. I ordered a salad and noticed a guy glancing at me from a few tables away. He was with a large, loud group. He was really cute, but I smiled at the realization that I wasn't really interested in anyone other than Peyton. Unfortunately, he saw the smile and confused it for some sort of invitation. He got up and came to where I was.

"Mind if I join you?" Dark spiky hair, green eyes, really tall. Not bad at all. And still, didn't do anything for me.

I shifted on my chair uncomfortably. "Actually… I'd rather you didn't."

He was taken aback. "Oh, I'm sorry, you're waiting for someone?"

"Not really… but I am seeing someone, so…" I shrugged in hopes he would understand.

Luckily, he did. "That's ok. But whoever he is, he's not very smart. I mean, if I were the lucky guy, there's no way I'd leave you alone to have dinner."

He wasn't bothering me, and he was talking in a sweet way, so I decided to humor him for a while, until my food came. "I'm in the city for business, for a few days. I came alone." I gave him the best professional voice I could, and felt very important saying the words.

"Wow, sounds very… official."

"It is", I nodded, containing a giggle, "I'm about to sign a contract with Victoria's Secret."

"I knew it, you're a model, aren't you?"

"Nope, I'm a designer."

He was genuinely impressed by that. "Can I ask your name?" he grinned.

"You will know, when my clothes are on sale and you see me on some magazine one day", I grinned back, and, as if on cue, my salad was there.

"Mystery, I like that", I imagined he wasn't much older than me, he sure acted like it sometimes, and it was absolutely adorable. "Oh well, not that you asked or anything, but… I'm Greg. If you ever get tired of, you know, eating by yourself, you should give me a call."

"Thank you Greg, but eating alone was never a problem for me", he didn't give me a phone number, and I never asked for it. I grabbed the fork and lifted it with some food, in a sign that I was eating now.

"I can get a hint. You take care."

"You too, Greg", I rolled my eyes and giggled as soon as he turned his back. New York could be funny. And the bright side was that I was feeling good, like I hadn't in a long time, about myself. I realized I missed Peyton, so much, and I wanted her here, but I didn't _need_ her here. It made me happy, like I was finally achieving that independent stage so that our relationship could be better. That's how I wanted to be with her, and maybe it was why I had screwed up before. Because I felt like we couldn't stay apart anymore. Like we were one single person, with one life. If this was going to work, I needed to be a whole person, and so did she. Completing each other, sure, making the other one better, happier, but as two separate individuals. I suddenly felt like I finally understood, and I could do this. I only hoped she did, too. Based on the fact that she wanted to be alone and deal with her ghosts by herself, I guessed she had come to the same conclusion, before I even came to New York.

I ate without any rush and walked back, enjoying the cool breeze. When I got to my room, I sat to organize all the ideas better, and draw some sketches to go with them. I wasn't going to sleep until I had everything ready.

X – X – X

I woke up later than I had planned, with papers all around me. I had gotten most of the stuff ready, just needed to finish up a few details, which I did while eating the breakfast I had ordered. Room service in this place was heaven.

After taking a quick shower, I decided to give myself some time off and just relax. I had done too much in too little time, and my mind was on overdrive. So I took the remote and browsed through the channels on tv. I had a couple of hours until I had to get ready and go. Some decent show popped up on the screen and got me distracted. Way too soon for my taste, it was already time to get up and get ready.

"Damn it, where did I put that jacket?" I mumbled to myself while I threw some clothes around. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It couldn't be lunch, I hadn't asked for anything. _It's just the maid, probably_, I dismissed it, just opening the door quickly, and stopped in shock.

She was getting good at those surprise visits. Too good. Because now that I was looking at her, I half wished I could call and postpone the damn meeting_._

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_Hope you're liking it. I wanted to get Rachel's storyline a bit more solid before going back to Brooke and Peyton. Also, that little scene at the restaurant was just for fun! :p So don't worry about the dude. I was writing and suddenly the whole thing kind of started writing itself! I'm serious! Just harmless fun, hehehe! Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!_


	27. Hesitation

_So how was new years for everyone? Good, I hope. Sorry for the delay, inspiration escaped me for a few weeks. But I'm almost done with the story now, I guess it's probably gonna have three or four more chapters, just to wrap everything up! Hope you like this one and don't forget to let me know what you think of it!_**  


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**Chapter 26 - Hesitation**

I stood in front of her, her green eyes staring back at me showed the same happiness I'm sure she could see in my own. It took us a while to move, but when she did, her hand pulled me to her with such resolution it threw me off balance. Her other hand went to the back of my neck and before I knew what was going on, we were kissing. With no doubts, with no restrains, no need for forgiveness or explanations. I kissed her back hungrily, determined not to let go until I had no air left in my lungs. She was the one who pulled back a little, just enough so that our foreheads touched and we could see each other's face.

"That wasn't exactly what I planned to deliver you", her tone was playful though, filled with a laughter that felt so true and spontaneous it was contagious. I refused to let go of her hands, which held mine now.

"Gee, get a room you two", the younger girl barged in unannounced with a large bag and threw it at the middle of the room.

"That", Peyton grinned and pointed at the intruder, "is what I came to deliver."

Her brown eyes faced me with excitement, her hair, of the same color, was a bit shorter now, but it was definitely her. "Julie, come here", my face lit up as she hugged me. "It's so good to see you, what are you doing here?"

I didn't know where to look. I wanted to kiss Peyton again, and never let go, I wanted to talk to Julie, ask about Vince, and why she was here. I tried to focus my attention on her for the time being, but I kept one of my hands holding one of Peyton's. Peyton was the first one who spoke, though.

"I found her in front of my house last night, looking for you. I told her you were here and she wanted to just hop on a bus and come, I didn't think she should come by herself, so I brought her."

"Oh please", she made a face that got me laughing, "I went to Tree Hill all the way from LA by myself and I was fine. That's such a lame excuse, she just wanted to see you", she pointed at Peyton and then me as she spoke, causing Peyton to blush in the cutest way. Julie smiled triumphantly. "I see you two finally sorted things out. Good to know."

I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer in a side hug. And then I spotted the clothes thrown around the room and remembered the meeting. If I didn't leave in the next five minutes I'd be late. "Shit…" I said more to myself than them as I looked at my watch, "Girls, I have to go right now, or I'll be late." My attention was now back on Peyton. "You're staying, right? I swear I would skip this meeting if I could."

"But you can't, it's ok", her tone was understanding, even if a bit sad too.

"You just got here", I took her hand and brought her close until our foreheads almost touched.

"I'm right here, aren't I?" She raised my hand that held hers and kissed it softly, "And I'll still be here when you come back", she promised.

I nodded, and pulled away from her once and for all. If I didn't do it now, I would never get to Victoria's Secret on time. I turned to Julie, who sat by the bed, "You're staying too, right?"

It was her turn to nod.

"Good", I smiled, grabbing my notes and everything else I had been working on. I couldn't turn my attention from Peyton's eyes. "It may take a while."

"That's ok, I'm pretty tired from the drive anyway. You go and be great there."

I didn't know what had caused the sudden change, but it was obvious something had. It was almost as if we were us again, with no complications. Still, I didn't want to get my hopes up. I would go, focus on work and try not to think so much about everything else, and when I got back I would find out.

The fact that Julie was there was a good surprise, too. My life had been so crazy that I hadn't kept in touch like I said I would, and now I realized I actually missed her. But still, it was a little weird that she had gone to Tree Hill like that, without calling or letting me know first. I would have to get into that at some point, too, to make sure everything was ok with her.

When I got to the meeting, everyone else was already there, so I made sure to check. Thankfully, I wasn't late. "Good afternoon", I greeted them and smiled.

"Ms Davis, it's a pleasure to have you back", one of the men spoke.

"I'm glad to be back."

We talked about the contract, and agreed that I would start in three weeks, which would give me enough time to find a place and get settled in the city. After the financial aspects, which weren't bad at all, the oldest woman turned her attention back to me.

"Dianna mentioned that you had some ideas you would like to share with us. Would you like to present them now?"

My heart beat faster, although I knew I was ready. I took a long sip of the glass of water that had been placed on the table for me, took some papers from my case and placed them over the table, facing them. "I came up with this after my friend called me from LA. She is trying to work as a model, but they keep saying she's not skinny enough. And she is hardly what you would call fat", I bit my lower lip and took a deep breath, "Zero is not a size. That is what I was thinking. Clothes for real, healthy people. Anorexia has become fashion, and that can be dangerous…" I went on and on with what I had researched and my sketches on the line I was planning. It lasted about twenty minutes, and when I finished, I looked at their faces anxiously. Some were unreadable, some seemed to like it.

"It's… different, for our company. To make a whole campaign based on that", a short blond man said, looking at his colleagues, who nodded at him.

I still couldn't decipher what they were thinking, if he meant different as a good or bad thing.

"I like it", Dianna got up and grabbed my papers from the table after what it seemed in my head like hours of silence. She smiled. "She obviously did her research, and to me it's our chance to reach to a different public, and look good to the media while doing it. Promoting a healthy body image. It's perfect."

Most of them seemed to agree with her, because after a few minutes of discussion, they decided to go for it.

"One more thing, though", the man who had spoken first about it being a different concept got everyone's attention, "This friend of yours, what's her name?"

"Rachel Gattina", I smiled.

"You should bring her the next time we meet", he added, with the approval of all the others.

"I was actually going to talk to you about it. I think she would love the chance to work here", I said nervously.

"It seems only fair, since she was the one who inspired your idea", he smiled, and I relaxed immediately, finding it hard to believe things were going that well, and afraid to acknowledge that only to have life biting my on the ass later. Luckily, it didn't seem to be happening today.

They asked me to call and let them know as soon as Rachel was in the city so that I could take her to see them. I wasted no time, calling her as soon as I stepped out of the building.

"Please tell me you have good news", she answered almost instantly.

"Don't worry my friend, it's all taken care of", I grinned happily when I heard her sighing in relief.

"Oh my god, are you serious?"

I nodded, even though I know she couldn't see me. "They want to meet you and if all goes well, you'll be in the campaign!" I jumped in excitement. "So the question is how soon can you get your skinny ass in the Big Apple?"

"Hmmm… tomorrow?"

"Great! You have a place to stay?"

"I have some money saved, if it works out it's enough to make rent for a week or two."

"Alright, go book your flight and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Brooke, I don't know how to thank you."

"Sexual favors?" I asked innocently, and heard her laughing on the other side.

"I'm hoping that you'll already have someone else for that by the time I'm there. How's everything?"

"Perfect, really. Peyton's here", I blurted out without any further explanation, and noticed I was almost running back to the hotel.

"She's there? When did that happen?"

"About… five minutes before I left for the meeting. I don't even know what's going on, but it seems like… we're ok, I think. We'll talk tomorrow. I can't believe I'm gonna say that, but I actually miss you."

"Who would think, huh?" she laughed. "I'm glad she's there. Now try to work things out once and for all cause all this drama is giving me a headache. Bye."

"Bye, Rach", I laughed too before hanging up, and when I started paying attention to where I was, the hotel was already less than a block away.

The elevator was taking forever, so I took the stairs, two steps at a time. My room was at the seventh floor, so I was half dead by the time I got there. I opened the door and threw myself in bed, between Peyton and Julie, trying to regain my breath.

"Where did you go, a business meeting or a marathon around the city?" Peyton laughed, getting up to get me a glass of water.

"Thanks", I said, sitting up when she handed me the drink. I drank it all with one gulp and let myself fall back in bed.

She sat next to where my head was and lifted it up softly to place it on her lap. I looked up to meet her eyes and smiled as she brushed her fingers through my hair, and just relaxed at her touch.

"So… how did it go? The meeting and all?" Julie asked, turning on her side to look at me. When she saw the look of confusion on my face, she explained, "Peyton told me about it on our way here."

"Of course she did", I rolled my eyes back at Peyton, who simply shrugged and grinned. "Well, you will both be happy to know that…" I paused for a dramatic effect. "They loved me", I smirked.

Julie's smile widened, "That's awesome!" she clapped her hands in excitement, "So you work for Victoria's Secret now?"

"I will… in three weeks", I raised my hand and we did a high five. Noticing the silence coming from my other side, I turned back to Peyton and noticed she was barely aware of what was happening. I snapped my fingers in front of her, which caused her to come back from her daze. "Were you even listening?"

A smile spread across her face, but I could see it wasn't completely true to what she was feeling. "Yeah, I did. Congratulations, you deserve it. So you're moving here? In three weeks?"

"No, actually… I have to be here sooner than that. In three weeks I have to start working", I bit my bottom lip, suddenly aware of the reason she wasn't jumping around and celebrating. My whole body turned to curl up closer to hers, she eased down in bed a bit to hold me. "I can't believe you're here", I whispered, gladly.

She held me tightly and kissed my head. "Well, I did have to bring this one here", she pointed to Julie, who was at least pretending to pay attention to the TV.

"Don't use me as an excuse!" she half yelled, smiling, and then got up and got her coat, "You know what? I'll… go for a walk around. See you girls later."

"Hey, wait a minute, missy!" I untangled myself from Peyton's arms to look at the younger girl, "You're just walking around like that?"

She laughed. "Brooke, I'm fifteen, I'm not a kid, and I've been to New York a million times before. I know my way around."

"Still, don't go too far and come back s…" she rolled her eyes and waved goodbye before I could finish.

Peyton laughed, and when the door closed she looked back at me. "My dad went back home", she blurted out, smiling. "Yesterday, the bell rang, and it was him. And he told me something interesting… about some secret conversation before you came here…" she scratched her chin with her fingers, as if she was trying to remember something. I sat up and faced her.

"He went back? Wh… what did he say? How did it go?"

"He… apologized, really", she started, and my face lit up, "It's not perfect between us, things are still a bit weird, but it was a start. He said he really had to go today, but he was sorry he left that way, and that we would be ok. And then he said he had to admit you really cared about me to have gone talking to him like you did."

I opened my mouth, but there was no time for any word to be spoken. Her finger met my lips, encouraging me to keep quiet as she kept talking.

"And it made me realize that I was wasting my time being away from you. I mean, it was a stupid reason anyway."

"I don't think it was", the words left my lips, and I immediately thought of how they must have sounded for her, "I mean, you had your reasons, and I was hesitating too, but I'm so sure now, Peyton."

"Good. Because I am sure, too. I'm tired of fighting and waiting and… I just wanna be with you, and I want us to be ok again."

"We are", I pecked her lips. "Do you forgive me for being an idiot?" I made a puppy face that caused her to laugh.

"Only if you can forgive me too. We were both idiots, I guess."

"Forgiven", I whispered, and kissed her more passionately now. I missed her so much that I was not about to waste any time, I would touch her and kiss her and be close to her as much as I could. My hands went under her shirt, on her back, and before I knew it, both our shirts were on the floor and I was trailing kisses down her neck while she tangled her legs around me.

I made my way up again to kiss her lips, my hands slowly sliding down her stomach and to her jeans. That was when she hesitated. "Brooke…"

I didn't stop, only kissed her again and looked into her eyes. "It's okay", she had no reason to be scared anymore, and I would make her see that.

She seemed to relax to my touch, and even smiled softly, but then she pulled away and I realized, disappointed, that nothing was going to happen yet.

"You make me feel so safe", she whispered, avoiding the hurt she knew she would see in my eyes. At my questioning glance, she got closer again, placing both her hands on my neck with her thumbs gently brushing through my cheeks. Then one of her hands went to my shoulder and brushed my hair away, leaving her hand on the back of my shoulder. Finally, her forehead rested against mine. "You're my family, my home. And you're moving away from me", she finally said.

I looked at my side, anywhere but at her. She let go of my shoulder, but the hand that rested on my neck was now wrapped around my fingers. "You're more important to me than this", there was no hesitation in my voice, and she knew it, I meant every word. "I'm eighteen years old, Peyton, I don't have to take this deal now."

She shook her head. "You do. You won't have an opportunity like that again, and this is what you want", she smiled, sadly, "And I would never forgive myself if I was the reason you let it go to waste."

"So come to New York with me", I stated what was pretty obvious to me from the beginning, but for some reason it didn't seem to be her first idea. "I mean, I know you have Tric and… your whole life there, and, well, come to think about it, it wouldn't be fair to ask you to give it up because I decided to move. Sure, decide is not really the word here, since they're making me, and you are too, missy", I pointed at her, and when I saw the amused look she was throwing at me, I stopped talking. "Sorry, you know I can get chatty sometimes."

"No! Really?" her hand went to her chest in a dramatic and yet playful move, which made me roll my eyes. However, she soon became serious again. "I wannna be here, with you, I really do. But it's not that easy, I mean, I'd have to find a job, I don't even know if I have any money to stay here, it's not a decision I can make like that, and make it happen, you know?"

I smiled, which seemed to confuse her. "So you _want _to stay here? If we found a way, you'd come?"

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment before letting the air out of her lungs. Then she looked at my hopeful eyes and nodded, "Of course I'll come if I can. You think I'd leave you willingly here in New York, working with Victoria's Secret models all the time?"

A laugh escaped my lips. "I imagine that would be dangerous", I nodded seriously, causing her to smack my arm lightly.

"Shut up."

It was good to see her smiling like that, and relaxed for once. Also, after the attack, I imagined it would be good for her to live somewhere else, maybe it would help her forget about it, or start healing from it, completely.

"I love you", I heard the words and my eyes immediately met hers, a mix of surprise and happiness. Hearing those words again, coming from her lips with such tenderness, it was all I needed. I felt complete now, no matter what happened or where we lived, even if I had to go to Tree HihfjHill every day to see her, I would find a way.

Our lips met for a quick moment, and then she wrapped her arms around me. I inhaled her scent, taking in the indescribable sensation of being with her again. "You're the most important thing in my life. We'll find a way. Do you trust me?"

I stared at her intently, knowing I wouldn't be able to just look for long. I needed more. Her eyes told me the same thing, and at that moment, the only thing that mattered was us. Her nod was enough for me to start kissing her again, and this time, when my hands slid down her chest and reached the zipper of her pants, she didn't hesitate.


	28. The Right Person

_Ok this time I'm serious! I'm updating now and I'll update once again within the next week, whatever it takes! The story is almost over and I'll work on it a lot from now on cause some of you guys have been reading since the very beginning and it's been more than two years now! I realize that probably makes me a jerk for taking so long. On the other hand, it makes **you** the best readers in the entire history of the world! =D Thank you so much! Oh, and be sure to check the note at the end of the chapter!_

_Also, if you're a fan of Glee, you might wanna check the new short fic I posted a couple of days ago, called **Find My Way Home**. It's basically a series of three oneshots, all of them taking place after the episode Home. The first one is Finn and Kurt, and they're discussing the situation with their parents, the second one is Brittany and Santana, and the aftermath of Santana sleeping with Finn, and the last one is some Quinn/Rachel cuteness because that has definitely been missing from the show! ^^ I posted the Brittana one earlier today. If you like the show, I would really appreciate some follow up to let me know if the writing and the characterizations are ok! Thanks! And now, the chapter:_

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**Chapter 27 – The right person**

Julie's arrival was announced by a loud bang of the door before it flung open, the girl almost disappearing behind a dozen shopping bags. Peyton and I were still in bed, luckily at least on our underwear, covered by the sheets. Hearing the noise, I could barely force myself to look away from the blonde next to me, so I just waved to let Julie know I was aware it was her.

Peyton, on the other hand, almost jumped out of bed, holding the sheets to cover herself up, and looked so cute all blushed. Which, I guessed, had more to do with the intense physical activity we were engaged on ten minutes ago than the fact that the younger girl had entered.

Being with her was amazing. It was everything I could hope for. There was no awkwardness, like I half expected, and even though neither of us really had done this before, it was something we were exploring together, and it made it all even better. It amazed me how every inch of her body seemed perfect to me, and how naturally it all had happened.

"Alright… I guess I should have stayed out a while longer", Julie said while covering her eyes with her hands in an overly dramatic manner. "Or maybe I should get my own room."

"We'll figure out the room thing later. Right now, give us ten minutes and we'll be decent again", I smirked, Peyton's elbow hitting me as she looked even more uncomfortable.

"You sure? You know, I can just… go somewhere else", she grinned back and was met with a pillow I threw her way.

"Ten minutes. We need to talk, missy."

"Fine, _mom_!" she overpronounced the word, left her bags on a corner and left the room again.

I laughed at the scene, mostly because I was so happy I would laugh at pretty much anything, and decided to turn back to Peyton. "You ok?" I asked sweetly, turning to pull her closer to me and kiss her.

"Yeah", she smiled, "It's just a bit weird when the fifteen year old I barely know barges into the room while we're… like this", I couldn't take the smile off my face, so she looked at me and furrowed her eyebrow, "What's so funny?"

I shook my head calmly. "Nothing. I just can't stop looking at you, and I don't even care that I probably look like an idiot who smiles all the time."

Her hand touched my cheek, slowly caressing it with the sweetest touch. "You're beautiful", she whispered, "Even when you look like an idiot", she completed, grinning.

"Way to ruin the moment, Blondie", I rolled my eyes.

"Oh well, someone had to, because we need to get dressed before she comes back", she threw the covers my way and got up. I reached for her hand in a quick motion and pulled her back. Losing her balance, she fell almost completely on top of me.

"That's better", I winked, she leaned closer until our lips met on another heated kiss.

"Brooke…" she pulled away again, saw me pouting, and gave me a quick peck, "Julie definitely needs a room of her own", she smiled, got up and this time pulled me with her. Hesitantly, I let her. She didn't let go of my hand after I was up, instead she led me to the bathroom. "Shower?"

"Oh yeah", I nodded and ran ahead of her, almost dragging her skinny ass with me.

X – X – X

"You know, Julie was pretty upset when I first saw her in Tree Hill", Peyton said while she played with my fingers without paying attention. We were both in bed, but fully clothed now, something I was not entirely happy with, our heads resting on the headboard.

I looked at her more carefully. "Did she say anything? I mean, it's a bit strange that she just showed up like this."

"When she saw me, she put up this brave face and was all smiles all the way here. You should talk to her, just the two of you."

I frowned almost instantly. "Is it gonna sound incredibly needy if I say I'll miss you too much?"

"Yes, it is", her tone was serious but her expression was playful. "I'll miss you too. So whatever it is, find out fast", she touched the tip of my noise quickly, right about the time there was a knock on the door, followed by Julie's voice.

"Can I come in now?"

"Yeah", I said it loud, and mumbled the next part, "Unfortunately you can." Peyton looked amused.

"Just thought I'd make sure", she said while walking into the room and closing the door behind her.

"So Julie", I got up again, taking a quick look at Peyton and already regretting leaving her side, "How tired are you from all the shopping?" When she looked at me a bit confused, I continued, "Cause I was thinking we could go for a walk around and talk, if you wanted to."

She was quiet for a few seconds, considering the offer, and finally nodded. Then she turned to Peyton, "Is it ok? I don't wanna bother you two."

Peyton simply smiled. "It's fine, I'm exhausted from all the exercise anyway", she smirked now, causing the teenager to make a face.

"I do not need to know that!"

"Not so shy anymore, huh, P. Sawyer?" I commented while I put on some light make up and got ready to leave. Julie soon joined me and did the same. When we were ready, I pulled Peyton from the bed and brought her close to me.

"Don't take too long, ok?" she spoke quietly. I nodded, gave her a quick kiss and we left.

It wasn't that I was totally dependant on her now, it was just that we had spent so much time not talking or acting weird around each other, and now things seemed so perfect that I was almost afraid to leave her side. Plus, there was the added fact that I would be moving soon, and we still weren't sure if she would be able to come with me, so we could be apart for a while. For now, though, I would focus on the present and try to stop worrying so much about the future.

Julie and I walked through the 5th Avenue with a Starbucks cappuccino on our hands. For some reason, I figured it was a good place to take her, but looking at all the distractions around, I made a mental note that a park is always the best option in situations like these. Especially when it came to a teenager with a credit card. As we made our way to Central Park, I knew I couldn't compete with all the stores for her attention, so I waited until we were out of there.

"She's crazy about you, you know?" she started with a smile, as soon as the city noises began to get left behind. "All the way here, she was so nervous, she didn't know if you wanted her here or not. She babbles a lot, too. You're perfect for each other", she rolled her eyes, and then looked at me more closely when I remained quiet. "Except maybe now. You're so quiet, is everything ok?"

"Actually… I wanted to ask you the same", she was a bit surprised and taken aback, "And I don't mean that I'm not happy that you're here, but… you just showed up, without calling, you didn't even know where my house was. So I'm thinking something's up."

This time, she didn't speak for a while. "I thought you wouldn't mind if I visited", she shrugged, with a sad voice.

I placed myself in front of her, causing her to stop, and put both my hands on her shoulders. She looked up. "You know I don't mind", I spoke, making sure she knew it was true. "But if you came to me, you must also know that you can talk to me about stuff, right?"

Her hair covered part of her face when she looked down and started walking again, slowly. "It's stupid, really", she mumbled, hesitating to say more.

"It must be important to you, if it's making you feel like this. So it's important to me, too. Come on, Julie, it's me", I walked beside her, close enough for us to talk quietly, but far enough so that she wouldn't feel ambushed.

"My parents are getting divorced", she spoke quickly, seemingly afraid to say the words out loud.

"Oh…" I had to admit I was thinking of something worse, maybe due to the fact that my parents fought so much that most of the time I hoped they would get divorced once and for all. But, remembering how her parents were, I understood why this was hard on her. "You want to… talk about it? Why did it happen?"

"My mom was working late all the time, my dad thought she was having an affair or something, they fought. And the craziest thing is that she never cheated. And she wouldn't, I know that. Plus, I had to call her a bunch of times while she was at work. I even stopped by once, and she was going crazy with everything", she stopped to take a breath, and then continued, "They were both stressed, they started fighting a lot, and before we knew it, it was like it couldn't be fixed anymore. Or more like they didn't want to fix it."

It was a bit weird for me, because my family has never been functional like hers. I actually envied it, and it was sad that it was falling apart and becoming just one more messed up family like mine.

"How are they now?"

"See, that's the thing", she kept walking until we found a bench and sat there. She kept her head down, "Dad is about to move out, they're fighting over who gets to stay with me and Vince, even though he's going to college in a couple of months, so it's gonna be just me. And I can't stand the fighting, the yelling all the time, they can't even be in the same room."

"How long has this been going on?" I rubbed my hand up and down her back, trying to calm down the now shaking girl next to me.

"It started even before you were there. We just didn't know it yet. And then it all happened so fast… but it got worse right about the time you left. I just couldn't stand it anymore."

"I'm sorry I wasn't exactly available."

"Don't be, I didn't go asking for help either", she said it without hesitating. "But there's more…"

At that moment I turned my attention to her completely, facing her seriously. "Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like this?"

When she bit her lip, I knew my feeling was right. "Three days ago, I was home and the yelling started again. They're not even asking us what we want, you know?" she sighed, "Even if they did, I wouldn't know what to say. So…" she swallowed hard and closed her eyes, took a deep breath and continued, "I got that fake id you got me when you were there, I went to that same club and found that Rick guy…"

"You WHAT?" I yelled, and watched as she retreated, almost as if she was going to break.

"He had some coke, I took it. I just wanted to get away from all that crap", tears left her eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to console her now. I was feeling way more anger than sympathy towards her at the moment. "I know it was stupid, and that is why I'm here, ok? I figured if things got to the point where I'm doing drugs, I needed to get out of there before it got worse."

"And you thought I would be ok with that?"

She lifted her head up, her hair covering part of her face. "Of course not! If I needed someone to tell me it's ok because I'm going through a lot right now, I would have gone to my friends back home. I need someone to be pissed off and tell me how stupid this is."

"Well, then you've come to the right person", I rolled my eyes, and when I looked back at her, she was staring straight at me, the tears had stopped now and the look on her face was serious.

"I don't wanna be that girl, Brooke. I don't wanna be the girl who does all the wrong things in the world and blames it on her fucked up family to take her own responsibility away."

My expression softened a little and I put my arms around her. "You're not. You're light years ahead of those girls. And I should know", I pulled away so that we were looking at each other, "I was one of them", I confessed with a sad smile.

She smiled too. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"I know", I nodded, "I'm just saying I'm proud of you… and I'm glad you came."

"Really?" she still looked a little unsure, and even apologetic, "I mean, you've got so much going on right now."

"Exactly", I smiled again, "We'll keep each other grounded, ok?"

She nodded and hugged me tight, "Thank you", she whispered.

As I hugged her back, I knew nothing would be easy for the next days, but I was also sure it was all worth it.

This time I decided to take a little detour and walk back through Park Avenue. It was better to get distracted with the luxury cars and buildings than the stores. At least there was no risk any of us would be buying anything around that neighborhood anytime soon. Unfortunately. A few blocks away, we turned to go back to 6th Avenue, where the hotel was. We were about ten minutes away when I suddenly turned to her with a question I hadn't thought about yet.

"Julie…"

"What?" she seemed more at ease again, and her tone was already relaxed.

"Your parents… they know that you're here, right?"

The flash of guilt that went through her face was all the answer I needed.

"Ok, before you freak out on me, can I say that they're so busy fighting all the time that chances are they haven't even noticed I'm not there yet?" she tried an innocent smile, and I had to smile back, but still trying to keep a firm voice.

"You'll call them as soon as we get to the hotel, and you'll let them know where you are. And you'll tell them you need some time and you're staying with me", as soon as I saw her expression change and I knew she would complain, I added, "This is not a negotiation."

"Fine", she mumbled, only half annoyed. Then she got closer to me while we walked, put her arm around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. "Thanks."

I kissed the top of her head and we kept walking, and were soon back at the hotel. Before we got the elevator, she stopped and looked at the reception desk. Noticing the look of confusion in my face, she smiled widely, "I think I'll get my own room", she winked and walked away.

I would protest. I wouldn't really mean it, but I would have to make sure she would be alright by herself. But she didn't give me the time, and was back with a new card key before I could really think about it. "You're sure you'll be ok on your own?"

"I'm sure", she laughed, "You two deserve some space after all the drama", she then walked into the elevator and pressed 8. "It's on the same floor, so you can just knock in the morning when you're awake and… you know… decent", she grinned.

"Sounds like a plan", I nodded after a while, "But…" the elevator made a ringing sound, indicating we were on our floor. I grabbed her arm before she could go the opposite way in the long corridor. "It's still early. We can order something, have some awesome dinner and then you'll go."

"Really?" her face brightened up and she turned back to follow me, "Ok, let's get some pizza then."

I locked my arm on hers as we went to the room. "Hey, I was actually craving some pizza before. You read my mind."

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_Just one last observation! Some people reviewed talking about THE scene, and I'm soooo sorry, but I've never written sex scenes before, and I think I'd be a little self conscious! Do you hate me for that? Anyway, I skipped it because I really don't know how to write those. I could try and write something, and post it as a oneshot or something, or maybe as an extra chapter when the fic ends, or maybe even have more detail the next time the girls have sex! :P If you think it's important and necessary for you, I can make an effort! Let me know! ^^_


	29. Time

_As promised, here's the next one. This chapter is more of a filler, but it was also necessary for the story. Plus, I really like writing all the fluff! :p_**

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Chapter 28 - Time

"Alright, and with that", Julie reached for the last slice of pizza before Peyton and I could even think about it, "I'm going to bed."

She motioned to get out of the bed that we had turned into a dining table, but I stopped her. "Nah-ha! Aren't you forgetting something?"

Her look proved that she really had no idea what I was talking about. The pizza had been fun, we all laughed as we watched goofy things on TV and enjoyed each other's company without any drama. I didn't want to kill the good mood, but I had to. So I said it with the softest voice possible, "You have to call your parents, honey."

Her smile faltered for a moment, but she nodded. "Sorry, I'd completely forgotten. I'll go to my room and call them from there."

"You want me to go, too? I don't know, if they have any problem with you being here or something?"

"Actually, yeah. I think that'd be a good idea."

"Come on", I got up and pulled her up as we both headed for the door. When we passed through all her shopping bags, I raised my eyebrow, "I hope you're planning on taking all of that to your room with you."

"Duh", her mood seemed to improve at the sight of her previous shopping extravaganza, "Do you seriously think I can go to sleep without trying on each and every one of these?" she grinned, already grabbing half the bags and leaving the room.

Before getting my share of bags and following the younger girl out, I turned to Peyton, who was stretched lazily across the bed, "And you, don't go anywhere", I winked and she did the same.

"Wasn't planning to."

Julie was already dialing when I entered her room. She paced anxiously through the small space, only to lock herself in the bathroom right after saying hello. Not wanting to listen to the conversation, I turned the TV on just loud enough so that I would get distracted. If she needed me, she would call.

It didn't take as long as I imagined until she was storming out of the bathroom, handing me the phone and looking annoyed.

I took it without questions. "Hello? Oh hi, yeah, Brooke here", I said when her dad asked if it was me. I was never too intimate with them, but I had spent enough time at their house to be at least comfortable talking to him.

"Brooke... I'm so sorry about this, I had no idea she would…"

"Oh, it's no problem, Julie is no trouble at all", I smiled at her and was glad to see her smiling back. At that moment I felt like a parent talking to another one about our kids, but I ignored that feeling when I remembered why she was here after all. "I think she's been having a hard time…" and suddenly I was uncomfortable talking about such a private matter like that, it felt as if I was intruding, "I was just wondering if it would be ok for her to stay with me for a few days."

"I don't know… this family's being going through a tough time, but she can't run from it", he sighed, "none of us can."

"I assure you she's not running", I silently begged for him to accept it before we needed to talk more about the family issues, "She's… dealing with it, her own way. And I want to help. Just a couple of days, maybe?"

She opened her mouth to protest, but I didn't let her, signaling that we would talk later. Surprisingly, she did as I asked, and her frown softened when she saw the smile showing on my face. "Thank you, sir", I winked at her, "You don't have to worry, I'll make sure she's ok", when he asked that any of us called if anything happened, I agreed promptly and said goodbye.

"Just a couple of days?" she frowned again.

I sat next to where she was on the bed and turned to face her. "They're worried about you, and I guess they just wanna have you close, too."

"I'm not being Ms. Bitch here, Brooke, I really need some time from the drama", her tone showed more fear than disappointment or anger.

"Why don't we make the best out of those days, and when they end, well, we'll worry about it then", I tried to get a smile, and succeeded. Hugging her tightly, I promised, "I told him I'd take care of you, and I will. You trust me, right?" I felt her nod on my shoulder. "Good then, now do you wanna show me at least some of these things you bought? Cause I've been curious from the moment you stepped in drowning in the bags."

The sound of her laughter was a good sign, and at least for now she seemed like a kid, just a kid having fun with her credit card. She showed me some clothes, shoes and what became by far my favorite piece, a dark gray scarf. "This was a finding, girl. You really have talent for that!" I pointed at her, spinning in circles wearing the scarf. "I swear this thing goes with my entire wardrobe. I know it's not possible, but it does!"

Laughter again. Then she sat in bed, looking as I made a complete fool out of myself and let myself be the Brooke from three or four years ago, who thought the greatest joy in life could be found in a perfect piece of clothing. "It does look pretty good on you", she smiled, "Take it."

I stopped and soon regretted doing so when I felt the whole room spin. Trying to keep my eyes focused on her, I walked closer, "What?"

She shrugged. "You obviously love it, and I've been wanting to thank you for everything with a little present, so… it's perfect!"

"Little present? I know clothes, honey, that was not cheap", I pointed the accessory at her, as if trying to make a point.

"Really, I want you to have it. You can use it on your first day of work, as a good luck charm", she took the piece and wrapped it around my neck carefully. "You deserve it, you've been a great friend", I felt touched by her gesture, but I didn't move. "Really, Brooke, don't make me barge into your room in the middle of the night and put it on your luggage. God knows what I could see in that room walking in unannounced this time."

I shoved my tongue at her, and was met with the usual roll of her eyes, only this time it was followed by a smile. Finally, I hugged her. "Thanks. And it's good to know you feel like you can come to me for help. Because you really do, anytime", I waited for her nod and clapped my hands, "But now, I need to go back. Will you be ok here by yourself?"

"Yeah, I guess so", nothing on her voice showed too much worry.

"If you do, just call for us, ok? I mean it, doesn't matter what time."

"I know, thanks. And good night to you two. Try to get some sleep, at least in between…"

"I'm not listening to you", I put my hands on my ears, interrupting her and hating the look she had on her face. "Good night", I said quickly and walked out the door, which she closed, still looking amused.

This day seemed to have lasted at least twice as much as any other day, and I was exhausted. I mean, to think that I had woken up, worked on the presentation, seen the girls, went to Victoria's Secret, come back, made up with Peyton and then walked all over town with Julie, only to come back and eat more pizza that I could possibly digest… it was tiresome just thinking about it.

Opening the door, I noticed Peyton really hadn't moved. "When I said 'don't go anywhere' I didn't mean that you couldn't even put the pizza carton in the trash, you know?" I grinned, taking it from the bed and placing it on the floor near the trash, and then jumping on bed almost on top of Peyton, and leaning down slowly until I reached her lips in a long soft kiss. Then I rolled to the side and let my hand rest comfortably on her waist.

"Everything ok with Julie? Did she talk to her parents?"

"Yup", I nodded, "I talked to her dad. He wasn't thrilled that she was here, but she'll stay for a couple of days. I think she'll be ok. She's a good kid, nothing like us three years ago", I smirked.

"Hey! Speak for yourself, if it wasn't for me you'd be even worse!"

I shrugged, "That's not what my parents think, Ms. Bad Influence."

"Great, next thing your parents will think I was the one who turned you gay, and not the other way around", she said in all seriousness, seemingly trying to contemplate a solution for this problem.

"Oh well, I don't know about that. Have you seen me?" I smirked, "What girl wouldn't go gay for me? Ouch!" I yelled the last word, in response to, I have to admit, a well deserved slap on the arm. "Gee, possessive much?"

"But you love me anyway", she said, completely unaffected by the annoyed look on my face. She got closer and gave me a quick kiss. "You can turn the entire country gay for all I care", our lips met once again, "As long as I'm the only one who gets to do this", the kiss was way more intense now, "and this", her hand trailed through my thigh and mine got to the back of her neck, pulling her even closer, her body almost completely on top of mine now.

"I love you", I said it for no reason other than the fact that it was all I could feel at the moment.

She smiled. "And as long as I'm the only one who gets to hear this, too."

"You know you are", with that, my hands traveled from her neck to her back, urging for more contact as I pressed her to me.

We kissed for a long time, and had we not been so tired, things would certainly have gone further. "We do need some serious sleep", I mumbled.

"Yes, we do. Especially you, if you're gonna have some other meeting or more work to do…"

"Just one more", I said as I pulled her close to me so that her head was resting on my chest. Her arm was on my stomach, her fingers tracing little circles beneath my clothes as my hand brushed through her hair. "They wanna see Rachel, so we'll probably go tomorrow, or the next day if she's too tired."

The relaxing movement on my stomach suddenly stopped. "Rachel?" she lifted her head up to face me.

_Crap!_ I was so sure I'd told her about Rachel getting here. "Didn't I tell you?" I tried to look and sound as innocent as humanly possible.

She knew that look and didn't fall for it. Disentangling herself from me, she fell on her side of the bed dramatically. "Why do they wanna see her?"

"Because she's gonna be in the campaign", I bit my lower lip, saying the words carefully, "She was having trouble in LA and I thought I could help her out so I asked her…"

"You? _You_ asked _her _to come to New York?"

"Peyton, what's going on?" I was serious now, getting closer to where she was, "You're still jealous of her? I thought we'd talked about this before. You know there's nothing there, right?" She didn't reply and kept her arm in front of her face, covering her eyes. "Peyton…" I took her arm and slowly revealed her face looking at me.

She remained quiet for a while longer, and finally sighed, "Sorry. I'm sorry, I know I'm overreacting, and it's not that I don't believe you."

"What is it then?" the question came quietly, while I caressed her face and took some hair back. "What's on your mind?"

Her expression finally relaxed a little, her body reacting to my soothing touch. "It's just that… she was there for you when I wasn't, and now if I can't move here and have to stay in Tree Hill… she's gonna be here all the time, where I wanna be the most, and I won't. I'm actually jealous of the time she'll get to spend with you that I won't."

"Come here", I took her hand and brought her back to the same position we were in before, kissing her head when she adjusted herself. "You're staying", I suddenly said it without even thinking about it, she looked at me confused, and I smiled, stroking her hair, "No, I don't have a plan, but I don't care. You're staying."

She lifted an eyebrow, "Why are we talking about me and not Rachel?"

"Because, P. Sawyer, this isn't about Rachel, is it?" I held her even closer and wished we never had to leave that bed again. She didn't say anything, so I took it as a yes. "We'll be fine, I just know it."

"How? How can you know it, Brooke? Everything's so perfect now, and then I'll have to go and you're staying. How do you know you won't have doubts again…"

"I won't", I interrupted her because there was no need to hear anything else. Despite her fear, I smiled. I knew that if that was that she was afraid of, she had no reason to be afraid. "I just know it. My feelings didn't change when you were halfway across the country, do you really think they'd change because you'll be in Tree Hill and I'll be in New York until we figure everything out? I was never good with Math… or logic, but hey, the distance is considerably shorter, so it doesn't make sense that it would be worse, right?" I grinned and was finally able to get a smile from her.

"_You _don't make sense, Brooke", her voice showed more relief now, she pecked my lips quickly, "I'll just punch Rachel if she gets on my nerves", she shrugged nonchalantly.

I had to laugh. "She gets on everyone's nerves. But she's not that bad. Anyway, I'll have to warn her not to give you reason. She doesn't wanna be on the end side of your punches, I should know."

The moment I said it, she lifted her head up and brought her fingers to trace a soft path over my eyes. "Sorry about that", she still smiled, but beneath her somewhat playful expression, I could see she meant it. Then she leaned down and kissed both my closed eyes.

"What was that?" I smiled.

"Kissing it all better", she whispered.

Almost on instinct, the back of my hand went to her cheeks, cursing myself for ever being able to hurt her. "I'm sorry, too", I whispered, not stopping the movement, her eyes locked with mine the entire time, "Just don't go finding things to be scared of, when you have no reason for that, ok? We've wasted too much time on this already, don't you think?"

She nodded, bringing our lips together once more. "I'll still punch her if I have to", she managed to mumble, and I felt her lips turn into a smile beneath my own.


	30. Solid Ground

_Sorry again it's taken a while, but this time I have a good excuse. I'm in London, looking for a place and a job! So that's enough to make a person suddenly don't have any more free time, right? =D Which reminds me... anyone from London, or near? I don't know many people here! ^^ Anyway, like I said before, the story is on its way to an ending now - finally, I know - so I'm trying to get it done soon so that I can focus on amazing Faberry goodness! My new obsession, so bear with me! lol!_

_Since the story is almost over, it would be great to know what you're thinking and if I'm missing something or if there's anything I need to work on. This story means a lot to me, and I want it to be the most it can be! Let me know, ok? And thanks for reading!  
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**Chapter 29 – Solid ground**

I loved it when I closed my eyes and the last thing I saw was Peyton's face. I loved it because it usually led to dreams of her, so I didn't have to stop seeing her, even in my sleep. I loved waking up and feeling her arms around me and seeing her smiling softly – because she always seemed to wake up only a few minutes before I did.

That day, though, I couldn't really enjoy any of that, because I woke up to the loud thud of what sounded like bricks falling to the floor. Before I could focus my eyes, I heard her voice. "Come on, boss! Rise and shine!" and was instantly met with a soft pillow being throw my way. I couldn't process what was going on, but there was really no need for that when it came to Rachel. She made herself noticed.

"Rachel," I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the light of day now that she had opened the curtains to keep me from even thinking about going back to sleep, "What… what time is it? How did you get here, and where is…"

Before I could finish the question, I saw Peyton, fully clothed, leaving the bathroom with a toothbrush on her mouth, kicked out by Julie who apparently couldn't wait to go. She smirked at me and headed to Julie's room to resume what she was doing.

"How long have I been sleeping?" I asked, looking around, and finally letting my eyes rest on my friend who stood in front of me.

"Too long," Rachel grinned, "Come on, I thought we had a meeting!"

I raised my eyebrow at her, "We kinda do, but all they said was to take you there to see them when you got here, they didn't even say the time."

"Well, they said 'when I got here', didn't they?"

"Can I just… wake up for a while?" I yawned heavily, more from the surprise of having all these people in my room than actual tiredness. Finally getting up to get some coffee that someone appeared to have picked up for me, I looked at my red haired friend and smiled. "It's good to see you," I gave her a quick hug, "Even when you wake me up like that," I quickly grabbed the pillow she'd thrown and hit her with it, surprising her as I did so. When she looked at me in shock, I smirked.

Just as I did, Peyton came back to the room. "Looks like she didn't let you sleep much longer, huh?" she smiled and made her way across the room, closer to where I was, picking up the coffee and handling it to me. "Coffee, black, little bit of sugar, the way you like it," she pecked my lips quickly and I had to smile.

"You're my angel," I motioned to the coffee and drank almost half of it at once. Julie left the bathroom and Rachel got in.

"Be careful, they're being all cute and nauseating," she whispered to Julie, but loud enough for us to hear.

Julie laughed. "Believe me, I can live with that. It's better than when I…"

"Ok," Peyton interrupted them, and I loved her for it, "Julie, why don't you go to your room and… whatever! We'll go get you before we go out."

She shrugged. "Fine, just don't forget Rachel's in the bathroom…" she grinned and closed the door before we could reply.

And then it was finally a little quiet in the room. "Wow… I feel like a tornado passed by," I smiled and let Peyton wrap her arms around my waist, taking advantage of the proximity to rest my head on her shoulder. "What happened, anyway? Rach was supposed to call me and I'd go get her."

"She did," Peyton said, softly moving to kiss the top of my head, "I was already up and you looked like you were so happy sleeping that I didn't want to wake you. So Julie and I picked her up at the airport."

I moved so that I could look at her. "You didn't have to, really." I took another sip of my coffee. "But thanks. And yes, I was sleeping very happily, dreaming of you until the red haired tornado showed up."

The blonde simply put her hands up. "Well, you were the one who asked her to come, it was certainly not me," and for a moment I worried that she was gonna bring that discussion up again, but I was relieved to notice her tone was playful.

"So… she and Julie?"

"They were like instant best friends, it was the scariest thing ever!" Peyton looked genuinely scared for a second, and then smiled again. "I figured you've been working hard lately, and you deserved some more time sleeping… and some decent coffee too."

"Best girlfriend ever," I whispered before setting the coffee aside and leaning in to kiss her, this time a little more than a peck.

"God, Julie was right", Rachel mumbled, leaving the bathroom and going to get something on her bag, not bothering to even look at us.

"Not jealous, I hope," Peyton grinned, to my surprise.

"Yeah, Brooke wishes!" she shot back, and I noticed, amused, as the expression on Peyton's face changed and she seemed ready to lunge at Rachel.

I got a stronger hold of her, afraid she would keep her promise and actually punch the other girl. "Rach, honey, don't you wanna go change in Julie's room while I change here?" I tried to send her my sweetest smile, but one who also said 'I'm your boss and you're in trouble'.

Never taking the smile off her face, she grabbed a couple of things and left. I sat back in bed, already tired, and Peyton sat right next to me. "She makes it hard not to want to hurt her sometimes," Peyton commented, letting her fingers brush through my still messy hair, but her tone was light hearted.

"Sorry about that," I bit my lower lip, but her expression matched mine in a soft smile.

"She's a lot to take," she started, and I found myself agreeing despite myself, "But she's your friend, and you're amazing for helping her like this." When she noticed the confusion on my face with the sudden change, she laughed, "Don't look at me like that, you were right. We've worried enough, and there's no point in making things harder than they have to be."

"I couldn't agree more."

She clapped her hands, ruining the comfortable silence that had fallen between us, "Now come on, get changed because she's not gonna stop until she's talked to your bosses. Plus, Julie's pretty excited to go to the Victoria's Secret headquarters, too."

"And who said she's going?" I raised my eyebrow and she looked guilty as charged. "Why would you do that?" I whined.

"Because I'm a bit curious, too?" she smiled apologetically, "And I don't think it's fair that Rachel gets to see it and I don't. Come on, relax," she slapped my arm lightly, "Of course we're not going to the actual meeting, we're just gonna be around, we'll stay at the reception." She seemed pleased with herself for finding a solution, and then wrapped an arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer. "And then we can go grab some lunch, and then ditch the other two and have some cheesy romantic walk around Central Park," she kept leaving a trail of kisses from my cheek to my collarbone, making it impossible for me to even form any coherent thought.

X – X – X

"Did you see the size of that office?" Peyton talked excitedly as we left the building.

"I know, and that was what? The secretary's office? Because there seemed to be another door after that one…" Julie completed.

"How would you know? You weren't even there!" Rachel said smugly.

"For your information, I took a peek when they opened the door to call you two in!" Julie replied promptly, causing Peyton to nod approvingly and myself to giggle.

To reunion had been good, but they seemed to be hoping Rachel would be a plus size model, which she was pretty far from. I managed to convince them the plan was clothes for real people, any kind of people, and they got onboard, but announced they would look for a plus size model, too, to complement the campaign, which was a part of my plan all along, so I agreed immediately. Rachel was more than happy to sign the papers and become officially hired by them. My line wouldn't be out for a while, since we were still preparing everything, so they offered her the possibility of working for other collections right away. She was a bit apprehensive at first, but unless she wanted to go back to LA until my clothes were ready, she didn't have a choice.

"Are you sure it's ok?" she asked me for the third time that morning, but the first since we left the building and rejoined the other girls.

"Is what ok? What happened?" I noticed a hint of worry as Peyton asked the question.

"It's nothing, it's just that Rachel's starting right away, modeling for another campaign until mine's ready to be launched," I replied to my girlfriend first, and then turned back to answer the original question, "And yes, it's fine. I mean, of course I would prefer it if you had your debut with _my_ own line, but I get it, really. You can't stay in LA anymore, and you can't possibly stay here for the next weeks without a job, so it's kinda perfect, right? Plus," I smiled as we kept talking, "That way you'll be a total pro by the time you're working for me," I elbowed her upper arm softly, and that seemed to convince her.

"So Rachel!" Peyton addressed the girl, and I knew the banter would start again. I rolled my eyes in anticipation, "Now that you have a job and everything… when are you taking your stuff out of our hotel room and find your own place, huh?" she smiled sweetly, and by then I had given up on those two and just let it go on.

"As soon as your girlfriend tells me to," she grinned back, reaching for my arm to lock hers with, "She _is_ my boss now, after all."

When Peyton gave me the eye of shame, I shrugged. "I give up, you two," I spoke as I set my arm free from Rachel's grasp, "Can make as many smart ass remarks as you want, I won't get in the middle of it!"

I saw as Peyton's jaw dropped. "You're not even defending your girlfriend against her?" she pointed at Rachel as if she was the devil.

"Honey, you were the one who started it this time," I whispered softly so that only she would hear, and she frowned, but quickly softened again when I tangled my arm in hers and turned my head back to shove my tongue at Rachel, a gesture she quickly returned.

"And I'm the fifteen year old," Julie rolled her eyes. "So Brooke, you're going back to Tree Hill now, to set everything up?"

"You know, I have no idea…" I answered truthfully. "I do need to find a place here, but I also need to get all my stuff and see everybody… so much to do!" I whined, resting my head on Peyton's shoulders as we walked. She laughed quietly and leaned her head to the side to touch mine.

"I'm starving, who's up for some lunch right now?" she turned to the other girls, who immediately agreed, and I silently thanked her for changing the subject. I loved the idea of living in New York, but sometimes I found myself wishing this amazing opportunity would have presented itself at least a year from now. At the moment, it was all happening at the same time and there was no slowing anything down, it was scary to think of a way to handle everything at once. "The least you can do is take the rest of the day off," she whispered and I nodded happily.

X – X – X

"Brooke, I was thinking," Rachel spoke with half a chicken wing on her mouth, which earned a grossed out look from the rest of us and a bit of an apprehensive one from me, wondering if her line of thought had anything to do with making Peyton want to punch her in the face again. She resumed eating and continued, "I'm already here, and I'm already staying. So maybe I can… you know, look around, find us a place. Take care of these things so that you and your possessive girlfriend," she emphasized the last words, looking at Peyton with an amused laugh, "can have some more time together before you move." The whole table went silent, all eyes on her as we processed the completely unexpected good gesture coming from the red haired. "What?" she asked indignantly, "I can be nice, you know?" and with that, she took another bite of the food.

I was still trying to recover from that when Peyton spoke. "Wow… thanks," she said, still sounding astonished, and looked back at me with the biggest smile, "What do you think?"

"Is there even anything to think? It would be perfect!" I nearly skipped from my seat to hug Rachel, but decided it would be better to just wrap an arm around her shoulders in a quick side hug. "Thanks, really. Oh, and don't forget to find a big place with a double room for me, because Peyton will be there a lot. And then permanently, I hope." I focused back on my girlfriend, grinning, and gave her a quick kiss. "We could go back to Tree Hill tomorrow. Unless you want to stay for a little longer?"

"I think we'll stay here long enough in the future," she smiled. "Let's go back home."

We both looked at Julie, who was now paying full attention to the conversation. "You'll come with us, too, of course," I said, before she had to ask and, with a small smile, she nodded, but remained quiet.

"I'll call my dad and let him know," the younger girl spoke after a moment of silence, and then got up and left the table with the cell.

Rachel turned to follow Julie with her eyes, and then turned back to us, pointing at the direction she had just gone to. "What's with her?"

"She's… going through some things at home, and doesn't really want to go back."

"Well, she came to the right people, then, didn't she?" Rachel grinned, although there was some bitterness on her voice, "Between the three of us, we're pretty much the club of the broken homes."

Peyton opened her mouth to say something, but only sighed instead. "Can't say it's not true," she finally said, agreeing with Rachel.

When ten minutes had passed and Julie still hadn't come back, I went to check on her, and wasn't surprised to find her sitting on a bench outside, seemingly lost inside her own mind. I sat next to her quietly and she leaned her head to rest it on my shoulder. I brought my hand to her head and brushed through her hair. "You ok?"

Instead of the answer I was expecting, she bit her lips, a bit apprehensive. "My dad told me something… and I don't know how you're gonna feel about it."

"Me? What would your dad say that could change anything for me?"

"Vince…" she started, carefully, "Vince is on his way here."

"Oh! That's… unexpected!" I seriously didn't know what to make of this new piece of information. "And why is he coming here again?"

"Dad told him I was here and he got worried… He actually called me a couple of times last night, but I didn't pick up," she had guilt plastered all over her face now, and I just looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Don't give me that look, I just… didn't want to talk. Obviously, I didn't think he would come all the way here!" she defended herself. "And you don't even have to see him, really."

"Oh, I have no problem seeing him, he's the one who might not be too thrilled to see _me_, considering how we left things last time." _That will be awkward!_ After the initial thought, though, I figured it would be a good chance to talk to him and make things ok again between us. Not that we were that close, or talked much, but he was a nice guy and it would feel good to put those things behind us. "When is he getting here anyway?"

"Three hours, give or take."

"And I assume he's calling you once he's here?"

She shrugged. "Probably, I think."

"Ok then, when he does, tell him to meet us, or just you, if he doesn't want to see me and Peyton. But I would actually be happy to talk to him," I smiled and she did the same.

"Thanks," she said truthfully, "I thought you'd freak out or something," her laugh wasn't nervous now, it had an ease to it that I had just realized was missing before.

I didn't want to, but I felt like it would be a good time to talk about the serious things again. "You do know that he's probably coming here to take you back home, right?" the words came out carefully, but with her nod, she showed me she already knew.

"It's ok…" seeing my puzzled look, she explained, "I mean, I would love to stay away from it all, to run from this as much as possible. I would love to hide in Tree Hill or New York and bother you until it didn't hurt anymore."

"But…?" I eyed her intently.

"They're my family, right?" she smiled quietly with a small shrug. "I'll try to talk to them about it when I'm back. About the fights and the yelling and… everything. And hopefully things will get easier."

"And the drugs?"

She shook her head quickly. "It was a stupid thing to do. I know we haven't talked too much, but just being here, away from all that, it helped me a lot. I think I just needed to find some peace again, some solid ground."

I found myself smiling at her words. "Wow, I never thought I'd be someone's solid ground. Things have always been… muddy in my life!" I grinned.

"You're kidding, right?" she chuckled, and then pointed to where Peyton was sitting, "I don't even know her, and even I can tell. You've always been hers."

I looked across the glass door, letting my gaze linger on Peyton as she talked to Rachel. They were both laughing and seemed to be getting along great, which made me wonder for a while if the bickering happened only when I was around, with the sole purpose of annoying me. But even that thought made me smile. "Yeah… she's always been mine, too."


End file.
